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One night as I was purging habits old
I dreamed a dream of long forgotten arms
Around each other staving off the cold
Together mending ages' waxing harms

I dreamed of sleep where I was not alone
And felt another's breath against my chest
Whose cherished rhythm told me I was home
Where every weary wing returns to nest

I plunged in slumber under slumber deep
To hold the burning sun that morning takes
And stretch the precious seconds of our sleep
Before the dreamed of dreamer finally wakes

Til then I synchronize and count our breath
And nurture love until the morning's death
In morning, he is divided and pried from the dream
Confronted by the next plaster gray View-Master day.
He lingers on his traditional half of the bed, teetering
Then ventures across the deafening, empty apartment
Where the dust accumulates like hourglass sand
Blanketing, bit by bit, over sedimentary plans
And archeological troves of screaming bones
In a vast, derelict desert of vestigial space
Towards a wardrobe of aborted echoes.
There he peruses his potential noms du jour
The coats of people he would have been
Knowing most of them no longer fit.
He settles on his most generic pronoun.

He performs his penance to the Tao:
He is each domino just as it tips
He is becalmed
He is amid still waters
He is a ship without wind
He is a captain without a ship
He is a bouy on the waves
He is one last minute
Treading water
He is another last minute
He is the dragging current
He is the inflection of breath
He is the mooring of the moment
He is the stones in the coat pocket
He is the coveted numbness of now

In evening, he recoagulates and retires
Resigned to eat the tail that eats itself
Consummating one more centrifugal lap.
He remembers Sisyphus must be happy.
He watches through his dizzy window
A caterpillar spewing up a second womb.
It will be the last monarch butterfly
But he avoids the finality of the situation,
And in his mind, any ensuing hurricanes.
He buries himself in stale anticipation
Beneath slowly overflowing drawers
And trash bags piling up in hallways
Where he stores expiring fortune cookies
Whose pearly secrets he leaves uncracked
For want of a friendly sweet tooth
To bite the bullet for him
Because he can't today.
A breakup, a pandemic quarantine, and zen philosophy went into this.
Exploring the discomforts of the past, present, and future.
Take the **** just stepping inside
Rejected and invited
A stratified disguise

Then a tentative trial
A round for a smile
At the bar where we iron old lies

Appraise the net cost
Are both of us Lost
Or will we be pirates tonight?

Break my nails just prying you out
Here for a jest and a joust
Drunk off of comfort and wine

Lean on what's real
Like a shaky third wheel
Struggling to stay in the lines

Do we settle our debts
Or dare raise our bets?
Does our broken poetry rhyme?
Inspired by the entire album Carrie & Lowell by Sufjan Stevens
Damaged trust and marriage schemes
Held hostage in each others' dreams
Pinned to walls but flailing still
Forgotten values, failing wills
True love waits, we tell ourselves
True love gladly stacks the shelves
True love sets conditions and
True love does the dishes and
Slowly, slowly, we forget
Just why we're here and who we met
Another notch in wrinkled frowns
Where I keep getting lost and found
In roller-coaster ups and downs
I'm lost and lost and lost and found

Missing flights and toxic tongues
Catharsis found in tar-filled lungs
I lost myself in who I wasn't
And in what true love does and doesn't
Not quite gaslit, not quite safe
Playing back the ancient tape
We envy death for constancy-
Besmirching our own consciences
We forgo our emoluments
Too traumatized by precedents
But hush you tell me, no one knows
The pretzel-bending ways we grow
Forever twisting round and round
Lost and lost and lost and found

Now freaking out, now breaking down
Now glaciers found in evening gowns
Now agonizing 'Who am I?'s
Now dying fire in your eyes
At last the sunset settles debts
We tally up our last regrets
Relenting to incessant ghosts
Abandoning essential posts
Till all that's left is loss and hurt
It burns and burns and burns and burns
And now I choke on orders filled
And mourn alone the youth we killed
I scrape the comb across my nettles
Pricking feelings, bleeding mettle
Finally free from ups and downs,
I find myself on solid ground
Inspired by:
Motion Picture Soundtrack by Radiohead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EayN_Jj0740
True Love Waits by Radiohead
Rivers by Tallest Man on Earth
Somewhere in China
A butterfly ***** its wings
Setting off a chain
Of blame and effect
And all the way over
In my living room
I face a hurricane.

And all the things I have
Out on loan
From the universe
Are being returned to it
Except love and forgiveness
Because you can't blame a hurricane
For being a hurricane.
Here again, behind closed eyes
Balanced on this fragile threshold
One
Enjoying the moment before it’s over
As morning melts the locks
Two
Tenderly tracing unseen features
Kneading you from dreams and memories
Three
Feeling the meter of your sleeping heartbeat
Synchronizing as we breathe
Four
Folding you closer, moored in your warmth
Pressing your blessed scent against my chest
Five
Picturing the glow outside
Alighting on your resting eyes
Six
Savoring our seven precious seconds
Helplessly defending the present tense
Seven




Today I woke up holding your pillow.
We resided in an empire of lights
On the second block from the right
Waiting for morning

I thought of how damaged people are
She was gentle as a falling star
"I love you," we refrained
Inspired by Tin Hat, and John Green's "Looking for Alaska"
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