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"blobs" poems
Late August, given heavy rain and sun For a full week, the blackberries would ripen. At first, just one, a glossy purple clot Among others, red, green, hard as a knot. You ate that first one and its flesh was sweet Like thickened wine: summer's blood was in it Leaving stains upon the tongue and lust for Picking. Then red ones inked up and that hunger Sent us out with milk cans, pea tins, jam-pots Where briars scratched and wet grass bleached our boots. Round hayfields, cornfields and potato-drills We trekked and picked until the cans were full Until the tinkling bottom had been covered With green ones, and on top big dark blobs burned Like a plate of eyes. Our hands were peppered With thorn ****** our palms sticky as Bluebeard's. We hoarded the fresh berries in the byre. But when the bath was filled we found a fur, A rat-grey fungus, glutting on our cache. The juice was stinking too. Once off the bush The fruit fermented, the sweet flesh would turn sour. I always felt like crying. It wasn't fair That all the lovely canfuls smelt of rot. Each year I hoped they'd keep, knew they would not.
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Blackberry-Picking
I Opusculum paedagogum. The pears are not viols, Nudes or bottles. They resemble nothing else. II They are yellow forms Composed of curves Bulging toward the base. They are touched red. III Having curved outlines. They are round Tapering toward the top. IV In the way they are modelled There are bits of blue. A hard dry leaf hangs From the stem. V The yellow glistens. It glistens with various yellows, Citrons, oranges and greens Flowering over the skin. The shadows of the pears Are blobs on the green cloth. The pears are not seen As the observer wills.
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Study of Two Pears
Machine ground days Somehow survived by clinging to precarious plans Die for those. For proles are stuck in a televised gleam but I’m barred from distractions I’m a man of action Spring healing: I found a new hope to get through the day It has a name and it’s you Workday: animistic curses against people and their systems and products except animals would escape forever as soon as they open the cage but we stay The beastly gnashings of overworked merchandisers for invisible self pocket stuffers The competition's getting to us, comrades I feel swindled out of my labor I was pregnant but they sold my child before I woke up Addressing the solipsism of my rehab circle: I’m Kagey, and my life is hazy but, blunted or no, let’s get this clear: don’t trust your senses and that goes for all my human peers Body is a cage full of defenses Still, I’m suspicious of reality whether it’s façade society or the wooden chair in front of me Still, I enjoy the virtual scenery I ain’t talking about on the T.V. or phone screen I mean the willows, buildings, and faces But all these mushy green acres are fakers blobs without our eyesight Still tho, me and the universe are tight.
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Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 8:00 AM UTC
Cashier Writings on Receipt Paper
I'm made of cobwebs, shaded grays, echos faded by the murky streetlight; Festive blobs signal the holidays - and ricochet off me into the night. . A thick, dull fog 'tween me and them, a brick wall no one can see; seamless weights in my hem, and dust inside what used to be me. . And then there's you, a year away, wasted tears, and prayers null; an end thought for each void day, a whisper-scratch in my old hull. . The words avoid me, skittish things, like birds that flutter fragile wings; the right ones are only fledglings, too young for new beginnings. . And I wish that I could care for cold, worn out flat 'tween mortar and pestle, a forlorn growth ring in a tree of old, trapped inside a rotting vessel. . .
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Dec 17, 2024
Dec 17, 2024 at 12:54 PM UTC
Meditations
Soft shapes touch a child's finger, Memories of their sweetness linger-- Helping grandma roll the dough In her kitchen long ago. I like the shape your cookies take When they spread out as they bake, Like the changing shapes of crowds, Melting snow or summer clouds. Oven-hot and placed on racks, Lined up , lying on their backs, Coming from a single batch, But none of them a perfect match. Toll house cookies, soft, convex, Each perfection, like the next: Chocolate chips their surface grace-- Freckles on a child's face. Pecan ball aren't perfect spheres, But they're gentle little dears: Bottoms flat, sides dented slightly, With white sugar sprinkled lightly. Sugar cookies cold days cheer, Shaped like angles and reindeer Glazed with frosting sweet and white, Decked with sprinkles all delight.   Santa's Whiskers, coconut rolled, Long fat logs of sugared dough, Cut in portions smooth and round, Pecan bits, cherries abound.   Molasses crinkles' faces lined Like old men's--the friendly kind-- With lines like back roads on a map, Dunked in milk before a nap. Oatmeal cookies, shapes amorphous Juicy raisins budge enormous, Semi-blobs, their texture rough, Sometimes packed with nuts and stuff. So many cookies through our life, Since we became husband and wife, In their sweet aroma and taste Years rushed by like cars in a race. Looking at their shapes diverse Reminds me of our love at first: We weren't sure just where we'd go And all we had was cookie dough.
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Dec 17, 2017
Dec 17, 2017 at 11:05 AM UTC
Cookies
Welcome to the new age . Where your new god is your T.V. Like mindless blobs You sit Transformed Mezmerize Hypnotized Fixed on the  Misery of others As its Teaching our young to hate.      Kneel down Give praise to your new god The TV. as the news spreads hate and fear. It's all washed in lies. Come people stand in line . It's black Friday As you punch and trample over Your mother   For the low price On your god the TV Your kids are brain washed Taught to hate Hypnotized And taught to live in fear. Your God in an instant spreads lies to the masses. As you sit Hypnotize mesmerize Listing to lies. People turn off your god get up off your sofa and go out side There's a beautiful world out there Full of amazement and wonder Listin to the river flowing The birds singing Smell the roses In the soft wind blowing Listing to the Laughter of the kids playing. Remember when this was you. Laughing. Turn off your TV Go out side Be amazed It's a Beautiful world just Open your eyes Love cost nothing And hurts no one. Turn off your Tv.
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Jan 8, 2018
Jan 8, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
New god's
1    **My dad suddenly walks in,   as if nothing has happened,    and he hasn't gone anywhere, leaving six of us behind, notwithstanding- all these years of absence and pain unimaginable that changed us all to see life in a new light that gets dim without the lamp he held in front of us.        A shadow transparent gets in to the room, he stands near mom sitting inside her cocoon, lost in an ancient evening, pensive, forlorn as if she feels an absence, tangible right there. Dad's absence stands silent, perhaps curiously looking at her with loving eyes that's how he was, after a period of absence. The pantomime, tears my sense of reality                    in to shreds, I sit upright, with my hands pressed against my palpitating heart. Do I see it really or hallucinate him looking, wistfully at the coconut groves dancing beyond the extending rice paddy billowing, in front of our farm yard, sleepy these days, for a moment I think time has taken liberty to flow back and everything is right there where we'd love it to be.              2 The absence was a hollow, in the middle of everything, breaking the mirror of reality in to smithereens, the dark space, in between sprang- opening its mouth to swallow, wherever one turned, it stood in front defiantly, posing a challenge at times, it came behind hollering noiselessly, bringing unbearable memories, from moments hard to forget spent in his company, in my palmy days of yore.                     3 Absence was fire within, that needs no fuel to burn, flood waters without a source, that can wash away, till one becomes nothing; then little by little, one comes in to terms with the absence and at last it too is laid to rest, and that eats a part of the soul, causing bleeding in slushy green, transparent white and blobs of sad black.**
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Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 8:11 AM UTC
Tangible Absence Of My Father Comes Home
1    **My dad suddenly walks in,   as if nothing has happened,    and he hasn't gone anywhere, leaving six of us behind, notwithstanding- all these years of absence and pain unimaginable that changed us all to see life in a new light that gets dim without the lamp he held in front of us.        A shadow transparent gets in to the room, he stands near mom sitting inside her cocoon, lost in an ancient evening, pensive, forlorn as if she feels an absence, tangible right there. Dad's absence stands silent, perhaps curiously looking at her with loving eyes that's how he was, after a period of absence. The pantomime, tears my sense of reality                    in to shreds, I sit upright, with my hands pressed against my palpitating heart. Do I see it really or hallucinate him looking, wistfully at the coconut groves dancing beyond the extending rice paddy billowing, in front of our farm yard, sleepy these days, for a moment I think time has taken liberty to flow back and everything is right there where we'd love it to be.              2 The absence was a hollow, in the middle of everything, breaking the mirror of reality in to smithereens, the dark space, in between sprang- opening its mouth to swallow, wherever one turned, it stood in front defiantly, posing a challenge at times, it came behind hollering noiselessly, bringing unbearable memories, from moments hard to forget spent in his company, in my palmy days of yore.                     3 Absence was fire within, that needs no fuel to burn, flood waters without a source, that can wash away, till one becomes nothing; then little by little, one comes in to terms with the absence and at last it too is laid to rest, and that eats a part of the soul, causing bleeding in slushy green, transparent white and blobs of sad black.**
Continue reading...
54
A head A giant boney mass Many mouths and eyes            thoroughly babbling,            whatever,            etc. Snapping and blinking Mouths Melded together on this ultra cranium Yapping on and on On and on and on Yellowed teeth and bedazzled grills Botnet mods and crop tools The most dastardly of all - An infinite production of fuzzy, Buzzing noise blobs. And Attempts to add me To its mass connection-collection head Leave me offended. "What's on your mind?" Go away. You ******* freakazoid.
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Apr 16, 2012
Apr 16, 2012 at 3:26 PM UTC
Koobface
Everything feels like nothing, and nothing starts to feel like everything. Everyday. Everyday as I wake up, Nothing ever beats the feeling of inadequacy. Inadequacy to do good Inadequacy as a daughter Inadequacy as a student Inadequacy as a person Inadequacy in feeling good within my own body Inadequacy from feeling good about myself. Everyday feels like an endless loop, you best believe my misery hunts me. But what is inadequacy? Is it scarcity? Deficiency? Insufficiency? A lack thereof? Is it this mindless blob, formless and dark or a mangled form of flesh, eating away at you and your insecurities? Like a virus, it pins you, goes deep inside you and there is never enough antibiotic for you... This inadequacy keeps me up at ungodly hours where the sun howls and moon chirps, the clouds look at us, feigning interest, idly looking but never interacting. This inadequacy lulls me in irregular fever dreams where comfort lies in solitude and loneliness, where the people that surround you, cover their ears, bites their cheek, looks forwards, smiles faintly, but never tries to understanding. My heart wails for the smallest of things. Nothing, nothing becomes everything. My successes make me feel less, still. Everything, everything becomes nothing. I am this inadequate thing, floating around, never seeming to be enough. Inadequate. Because i could not protect myself from those who touch my skin like its free real estate, those clammy hands holding me in a state A state of frenzy that never seems to end Inadequate. That no matter what I do, my past will forever haunt me and define the being I am now that no matter how much I change, and try and try and try to do good, it will never be enough. And those same voices, those same people, they say they scream they tell me, “You should have told me.” “You should have fought back.” “You are a waste of time.” “You are dumb.” “You are nothing.” “You waste your talents for something as this,” And those same people, let go of words That back then would have meant nothing But now it seems to be everything It becomes my identity It becomes my oxygen It becomes the blood that circulates in my body It becomes the endorphins in my brain Nothing becomes everything. And everything that I’ve tried to change, worked hard to achieve, tried to mend, was sorry for, starts to become nothing. But I am tired of feeling like nothing. That everything I do is always inadequate. That it is some form of scarcity, deficiency, insufficiency, a lack thereof. These mindless blobs, or mangled forms of flesh, Like a virus, it pins me, goes deep inside me and there is never enough antibiotic for me... Because instead of listening, to understand, to empathize, they listen so they can jeopardize... Whatever love is left that I could give to myself, Without a shred of doubt, In a warm, bright embrace for myself, in a corner slouched. So, I ask these voices, who are only here to remind how inadequate I am: How do I fight back? How do I be good enough? How do I become less dumb? How do I make nothing stay as nothing? And appreciate everything as everything? Because day by day, this inadequacy I feel, gets really tiring.
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Sep 18, 2020
Sep 18, 2020 at 1:26 PM UTC
INADEQUATE
Everything feels like nothing, and nothing starts to feel like everything. Everyday. Everyday as I wake up, Nothing ever beats the feeling of inadequacy. Inadequacy to do good Inadequacy as a daughter Inadequacy as a student Inadequacy as a person Inadequacy in feeling good within my own body Inadequacy from feeling good about myself. Everyday feels like an endless loop, you best believe my misery hunts me. But what is inadequacy? Is it scarcity? Deficiency? Insufficiency? A lack thereof? Is it this mindless blob, formless and dark or a mangled form of flesh, eating away at you and your insecurities? Like a virus, it pins you, goes deep inside you and there is never enough antibiotic for you... This inadequacy keeps me up at ungodly hours where the sun howls and moon chirps, the clouds look at us, feigning interest, idly looking but never interacting. This inadequacy lulls me in irregular fever dreams where comfort lies in solitude and loneliness, where the people that surround you, cover their ears, bites their cheek, looks forwards, smiles faintly, but never tries to understanding. My heart wails for the smallest of things. Nothing, nothing becomes everything. My successes make me feel less, still. Everything, everything becomes nothing. I am this inadequate thing, floating around, never seeming to be enough. Inadequate. Because i could not protect myself from those who touch my skin like its free real estate, those clammy hands holding me in a state A state of frenzy that never seems to end Inadequate. That no matter what I do, my past will forever haunt me and define the being I am now that no matter how much I change, and try and try and try to do good, it will never be enough. And those same voices, those same people, they say they scream they tell me, “You should have told me.” “You should have fought back.” “You are a waste of time.” “You are dumb.” “You are nothing.” “You waste your talents for something as this,” And those same people, let go of words That back then would have meant nothing But now it seems to be everything It becomes my identity It becomes my oxygen It becomes the blood that circulates in my body It becomes the endorphins in my brain Nothing becomes everything. And everything that I’ve tried to change, worked hard to achieve, tried to mend, was sorry for, starts to become nothing. But I am tired of feeling like nothing. That everything I do is always inadequate. That it is some form of scarcity, deficiency, insufficiency, a lack thereof. These mindless blobs, or mangled forms of flesh, Like a virus, it pins me, goes deep inside me and there is never enough antibiotic for me... Because instead of listening, to understand, to empathize, they listen so they can jeopardize... Whatever love is left that I could give to myself, Without a shred of doubt, In a warm, bright embrace for myself, in a corner slouched. So, I ask these voices, who are only here to remind how inadequate I am: How do I fight back? How do I be good enough? How do I become less dumb? How do I make nothing stay as nothing? And appreciate everything as everything? Because day by day, this inadequacy I feel, gets really tiring.
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52
Two eyes appeared from under a broadrimmed hat. They looked around with astonishment. In a schoolroom, far off in the distance, a boy was Busy making a wooden bowl. The teacher unaccustomed to such slowness Requested a completion date. “I am not slow thought the boy, just working Away until I get it right.” He met the teacher’s gaze with an expression Of opacity and a sense of bewilderment. On another day, at a later date, this same boy Was found in his metalwork class applying Cylinders of gases to his small creation, quietly, Hoping for a connection before he was blown To smithereans. Two blue eyes concentrated as The jets of flames hissed into space. Too long the gases flowed. The master rose, the boy shook and his eyes Widened. In a playground, sometime earlier, A small boy could be seen playing without a coat. Gossiping women spoke of this unnatural act, This exception to the fold. The boy stared back Hearing their words with his eyes. Decades later when his hair had turned from Brown to grey but his eyes were still blue And wide apart, he painted a little *** Sitting on a pale surface, gazing into nothingness. This painting took him a long time. He had to get it right, the tones , the lines, The connections. After he finished ‘Little *** he sat down And stared into the two blue blobs set wide Apart on its surface and he thought, “this is Me, the boy, the man, the painter, of wide Apart, unnameable moments.” The Beginning. Love Mary ***
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Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 10:42 AM UTC
Little ***
Cases of old records sat Waiting for someone to buy Along with mismatched tea cups And plates as blue as sky Vultures jumped at everything Leaving cars running in park Picking through the yard sale scraps Like a raccoon in the dark Bickering for savings Saying a quarter is too much I'll only pay a nickel To buy a broken crutch Ice skates, ball gloves, baseball hats tossed and thrown around the yard To watch these jackals fighting Over a half pound piece of lard It's amazing that one's treasures Are reduced to blobs of crap By bargain hunters set to pay For unused Christmas wrap They jostle and they tussle To get close for a deal They try to bundle things together To them....it is a steal You smile, take their money Tell them thank you, as they shriek Over deals they think that they have got On stuff...they'll sell next week!!
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May 26, 2013
May 26, 2013 at 10:03 PM UTC
Yard Sale Vultures
our circles of right and wrong, fractured in absence of fickle zen, stand now across the sky diagramed on clouds in venn and smiling the grey blobs block the meteors; it’s love of life that may chain our bodies in the center of that shifty airy water space where waffles are gentrification and the hands we hold are separation and its happening everyplace we go. so to talk and act separately, is to deny that cloudy venn; to go where mind is scarcely fact and establish a dangerous distance cuz yesterday I meditated but today I must’ve particulated cuz I see we’re one big contradiction inside love that’s bound to mediation. friere would say this occupation is precisely our ontological vocation, but to subjectify ourselves at the very center of the venn is to carry a weight upon the column of my spinal cord unknown even to the days of my very best posture. yet, your resistance to the slump— it guides me to listen for the thump thump of distant drums: a revolutionary battlecry through which I extend my hand to hold yours across the waffled space which we’ve so ****** our heartbeat races through my mind.
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Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 5:19 PM UTC
Escaping Zen Buddhism
the first and the single greatest discouragement from writing always begins when people ask you about money, not necessarily that they want money, but that they see art as frivulous, something to do on the side... and sure enough most of art is done that way... on the side... but then such art, what it becomes, is an expression of chance opportunism... i mean... surely there's enough people in the world that can allow one man to write a few ******** poems out, it's not like they're conscripting young men to join salvation army in syria or anything as ridiculous as that; but in all honesty i don't know what it's all about - first they tell you to not get in trouble, then they tell you art belongs in a high school art room, then they put artists on peddlestools when all they produce are massive blobs of colour in a random way, or make a messy bedroom an art work, or pickle a shark in a plastic aquarium, open spaces, strings of metal, ropes around rodin's kiss... all kinds of airy fairy bits 'n' bobs... then mediocre seasonal greetings poetry: rhyme christmas with business with busy bees with jabberwocky or something like that - but indeed the foremost discouragement people place on you is to get your worried about money, concerned enough that you begin to wonder - are they really chasing their own tail and insert that serpent-eating-itself into you? i mean, all the italian renaissance masters didn't bother with adorments and fashion for proof of being rich - they had a motto, only one: we're not a bunch dumb peacocks! how about i paint you a mona lisa and make myself shine like gold in rags?! surely enough modern art, on that massive scale, in galleries across countries is obsessed with space, perhaps the lack of space in real life, the almost claustrophobic, the sheer number of people on the streets, all it's fighting is technique and detail, it's trying to be a child again, it cannot stomach the fact that old techniques were never passed on, or if they were they are like a magician's deception - whatever that means - i just think that what modern art has become is almost architectural - how on earth could you elaborate on a square is beyond me - unless of course it isn't, in which case it's forceful intellectualism: trying to squeeze out some orange juice from an old & dry orange.
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Dec 15, 2015
Dec 15, 2015 at 5:44 AM UTC
discouragement & theory
the first and the single greatest discouragement from writing always begins when people ask you about money, not necessarily that they want money, but that they see art as frivulous, something to do on the side... and sure enough most of art is done that way... on the side... but then such art, what it becomes, is an expression of chance opportunism... i mean... surely there's enough people in the world that can allow one man to write a few ******** poems out, it's not like they're conscripting young men to join salvation army in syria or anything as ridiculous as that; but in all honesty i don't know what it's all about - first they tell you to not get in trouble, then they tell you art belongs in a high school art room, then they put artists on peddlestools when all they produce are massive blobs of colour in a random way, or make a messy bedroom an art work, or pickle a shark in a plastic aquarium, open spaces, strings of metal, ropes around rodin's kiss... all kinds of airy fairy bits 'n' bobs... then mediocre seasonal greetings poetry: rhyme christmas with business with busy bees with jabberwocky or something like that - but indeed the foremost discouragement people place on you is to get your worried about money, concerned enough that you begin to wonder - are they really chasing their own tail and insert that serpent-eating-itself into you? i mean, all the italian renaissance masters didn't bother with adorments and fashion for proof of being rich - they had a motto, only one: we're not a bunch dumb peacocks! how about i paint you a mona lisa and make myself shine like gold in rags?! surely enough modern art, on that massive scale, in galleries across countries is obsessed with space, perhaps the lack of space in real life, the almost claustrophobic, the sheer number of people on the streets, all it's fighting is technique and detail, it's trying to be a child again, it cannot stomach the fact that old techniques were never passed on, or if they were they are like a magician's deception - whatever that means - i just think that what modern art has become is almost architectural - how on earth could you elaborate on a square is beyond me - unless of course it isn't, in which case it's forceful intellectualism: trying to squeeze out some orange juice from an old & dry orange.
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63
Humans are silly Little blobs of ***** and eggs mix together to turn into little flabby flesh things that churn out a bunch of farts and yell about stuff Those blobs of flesh things get told how to do stuff by the older flesh egg ***** things who are starting to go bad, so they compensate by laying down rules about how to be a flesh egg ***** thing They make up different reasons for why they're all here swimming around bumping into each other and making noises that only their own groups of ***** egg meat people can understand, because that's what the older eggs taught them They try to add some **** they call beauty to all of this by scribbling on stuff, or making noises they think sound good, or building stuff, and they think they're clever. They'll tell you if it's not proper art it's not good art, but they'll also tell you art is subjective They won't stop themselves and realize this whole omelette they're a part of is just being made up as they go Sometimes, people are just Omelettes.
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Dec 26, 2013
Dec 26, 2013 at 2:39 PM UTC
Sometimes, people are just Omelettes.
We think it's in the protection: above, the vast canopy called Sky; then we want freedom when pervasive is intrusive and seek shelter Searching, we expend lives. Rain finds a way in, we run seeking new. We think this is unique, then neither vast not endless, but blobs floating in space: it is in the beauty of illusion; then disbelieve, hopping bruised on. Neither in protection nor in freedom nor in anything other; Under the canopy again, up on a hill, until buried deep somewhere in us, we see, it was there, all along, and we grow up.
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Jul 24, 2015
Jul 24, 2015 at 1:05 PM UTC
Growing up | The Hermit
May I write a Shakespearian sonnet on the square inches of skin between your thumb joint and elbow? I’m a pretty good storyteller, I can narrate in blank verse if you wish. Can I write poetry on your spine? Up and down in broken haikus, tankas quilting along the curve of your sides. Perhaps a sestina? So be it. I can work bay leaves into tea cakes. May I write alliterations across your toes, over finger bones and broken knuckles? I have enough form poems to paint my walls a matte black. Gloppy ink blobs, carnation stamps, over raised red lines of a villanelle.3 Can I write poetry on your stomach? I have soft ballad-dipped brushes that leak cinnamon sugar. Acrostic biographies written to a jazz tune, papier-mâchéd into a handmade piñata. Spider web hair pins left in the bathroom sink spell out another useless cinquain. May I write a rondeau on your calves, rising up into your knees? Epitaphs in your running shoes make limericks out of the hail in your back yard. Don’t try super gluing petals back onto stems, they’ll fall apart eventually. Poetry is written on you like paper.
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Jun 1, 2013
Jun 1, 2013 at 12:14 PM UTC
Can I write poetry on you?
like benny profane @ the sailors' grave boot heels etch Hieroglyphic cuneiform on saw dusted floors, while blobs of mercury nailed to the bar drip down nauseatingly poetic accomplishing nothing proving even less.
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Oct 12, 2013
Oct 12, 2013 at 5:37 PM UTC
What's it feel like?
The pains too deep. I just can't sleep. I feel the monsters as they creep. Demons dancing. Goblins prancing. Nameless blobs won't stop laughing! I did this! I am why they all exist. And with my mind they play and twist.
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Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015 at 11:45 AM UTC
Dark Side
Okay, let's be profound for a second, let's be cheesy, sappy, gross or whatever you want to call it for just a second. Because it's better to have it out there then to bottle it all up inside of yourself. Do you feel? I try to, in the shower. I attempt to feel something, anything, so I take off my glasses, and I turn the water temperature to boiling. And I just stand there, hot water streaming down my back, trying to feel something. I guess I do, I feel the heat radiating off my back, I feel the cold when I step away. But I don't feel.   When I take off my glasses, all I can see are blobs of color, sometimes I prefer that to the world I see through my glasses, here, everything is whatever you want it to be, you can see a mixture of blues and reds and you don't have to just assume it's a balled up sheet. It can be anything you want it to be. So when I take off my glasses in the shower I hope to be transported to this realm, but I don't. I stay, where the walls are white and shampoo bottles line the shelves. I stay in the place where I can't have creativity, where I don't  feel like anything. Do you ever think to yourself, I exist, try it sometime. I acknowledge that I exist as a person, I exist, but for what purpose? Will you find that purpose with another human being? With an animal? With a job? Who knows. I just hope that I find mine soon. Because standing in the shower, hot water pouring down onto my body, I think of this, I think, is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this what I'm meant to be? Someone who tries desperately to cling onto people, someone who hates sharing her friends because I am scared they will run away, someone who can't trust her best friend not to leave just like the other ones who stole the label best friend has. Someone who doesn't think she is good enough for anyone. Since I can't feel anything don't you think that I should be a thrill seeker, I'm the absolute opposite, I've tried stuff like that before, it doesn't help, it just makes people worry, makes people judge, I don't like that. The only time I think I feel something is when I'm in the shower or reading. Reading is my escape, I go into someone else, I see what they see I finally feel. People think it is weird that I don't think when I read. It's because I Feel when I read. I don't enjoy reading in between the lines while enjoying a good book, I Like to just go with what the author is attempting to get across. When I do this, I feel something. Even if it's a fake rush of adrenaline, or anxiety because of something a character did in a book. I still feel something. Do you feel? I try to, in the shower.
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Nov 16, 2017
Nov 16, 2017 at 12:01 AM UTC
Dear Diary, Entry One
Okay, let's be profound for a second, let's be cheesy, sappy, gross or whatever you want to call it for just a second. Because it's better to have it out there then to bottle it all up inside of yourself. Do you feel? I try to, in the shower. I attempt to feel something, anything, so I take off my glasses, and I turn the water temperature to boiling. And I just stand there, hot water streaming down my back, trying to feel something. I guess I do, I feel the heat radiating off my back, I feel the cold when I step away. But I don't feel.   When I take off my glasses, all I can see are blobs of color, sometimes I prefer that to the world I see through my glasses, here, everything is whatever you want it to be, you can see a mixture of blues and reds and you don't have to just assume it's a balled up sheet. It can be anything you want it to be. So when I take off my glasses in the shower I hope to be transported to this realm, but I don't. I stay, where the walls are white and shampoo bottles line the shelves. I stay in the place where I can't have creativity, where I don't  feel like anything. Do you ever think to yourself, I exist, try it sometime. I acknowledge that I exist as a person, I exist, but for what purpose? Will you find that purpose with another human being? With an animal? With a job? Who knows. I just hope that I find mine soon. Because standing in the shower, hot water pouring down onto my body, I think of this, I think, is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this what I'm meant to be? Someone who tries desperately to cling onto people, someone who hates sharing her friends because I am scared they will run away, someone who can't trust her best friend not to leave just like the other ones who stole the label best friend has. Someone who doesn't think she is good enough for anyone. Since I can't feel anything don't you think that I should be a thrill seeker, I'm the absolute opposite, I've tried stuff like that before, it doesn't help, it just makes people worry, makes people judge, I don't like that. The only time I think I feel something is when I'm in the shower or reading. Reading is my escape, I go into someone else, I see what they see I finally feel. People think it is weird that I don't think when I read. It's because I Feel when I read. I don't enjoy reading in between the lines while enjoying a good book, I Like to just go with what the author is attempting to get across. When I do this, I feel something. Even if it's a fake rush of adrenaline, or anxiety because of something a character did in a book. I still feel something. Do you feel? I try to, in the shower.
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10
A glass jar lay in the refrigerator a shallow pool of dark juice inside dated last summer last legs. Rewind a little and its filled to the brim white blobs are packed tight white but purple color revealed. Rewind even farther and it's 'new' I say we should make it last dad's excited too pickled beets! Rewind more and two friends are picking ***** hands, sweaty brow, farm day fun thanks for company kind charity. Rewind more and friend is picking beets family trip to the farm for groceries preserving the extra time shares. Roots like community spirit, purple juice infectious like kindness.
0
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 9:51 PM UTC
Beets
The night had brought with it the hush of a thousand  homes, nestled in the raw slumber of soft shadows - moon cast,  in white mist and deep groves of impenetrable asymmetries... a plume of thoughtful blobs in the shape of trees and dozy chimneys, crowding the dark knolls of some beautiful  assembly - An unbearable Elysium, foam-joy and regal stammering the eye of our stillness ... A luminous rush of glories and old plots of dead heavens shimmering in the dialect of mute jewels. The Deep Night, plush and removed; swollen with the dizzy laws that govern such astonishing things - An unmasked pavilion, stripped of horrors, laying naked in the ether bejeweled in the common genius of the supreme will... the extraordinary - blasting the mundane from it's faint heart into ingots of exuberant ore ~ O'Sacred things that devour flame to disgorge supernova           As tapestry..... A garden of stars most hostile to the ignorance of our darker thoughts - The deep night gathered in the hollow of rainbows restrained by the clouds Of a desperate mirror One that reflects; to love better the Sun ~ but hasn't the Silver to shine.
0
Sep 8, 2012
Sep 8, 2012 at 6:03 PM UTC
Old Glories And Dead Heavens
apart at the seams apart         at the yes me split ting stretch of whatever wet blobs     leave a st     ain break ing cra ck ing a clay *** in a kiln pieces of myself fraz      zled myself coarse           to touch making beetroot    pentagons on thumbs these rag ged moments         they cannot be undone I have not won they only go    on
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Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 6:59 PM UTC
Comatose
Foreign doll A wonderwall Writes poetry on receipts Where coffee stains Are soak brown blobs, Her words are sweetened As candy cane dialect to god I wait for her many hours in incompletion For her mine heart throbs!!!
0
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 10:29 PM UTC
Wonderwall dialect