I know things are alright
and that they will actually get better
and if not better
they will get worse
but only for a moment
Only for a moment will the happiness last
the sadness
All life is
is moments
Moments on top of moments
Lessons on top of lessons
Hardships on top of ****** hardships
All for the big moment
which is life
I have come to despise moments
good or bad
I find no reason
I find it repetitive
I find the hardships especially a waste of time,
because why in all of these little moments
adding up to just one singular big moment
would there be pain in hardships?
Moments
I find there is no reason
Lessons
why have them, if the lesson itself is temporary
Hardships
why endure pain when all this is
is a
Moment

I am not a lovey person
though I love a lot
I do not like to hold hands
but I love a warm embrace
I am not a fan of hugging in public
but when we hug, let's not let go
I won't miss seeing you after a day or two
but I love seeing you when I get the chance
I don't show a lot of affection
I just simply don't
I would much rather be a goof ball
than a romantic goon
I adore kisses
and am a big believer in love
but in the smaller sense
In the random purchases of flowers
little notes
purchases of your favorite candy
(or whatever you've been craving lately)
I like the unexpected little things
I don't show much affection
but I do show love

Drowning
Suffocating
Constraining
These purely physically degrading sensations
feel so real just in my mind
I know I'm breathing fine
but I'm drowning
I know I have room to be
but I'm suffocating
I know I can move around
But I'm being constrained
The mind is a powerful machine
that's why I am terrified to fall asleep feeling the
Drowning
Suffocating
Constraining
purely physically degrading sensations
that are all wrapped up in my mind

Every time our eyes meet
I love you more
Which, our eyes meet a lot
like a whole lot
enough times in a day
that the fact I love you more each time
is quite honestly ridiculous.
But it happens
and i'm not in any way going to try to stop it.

Why is it
that trying hurts.
Hear me out...
Trying does not just mean getting up and doing
no,
it takes preparing
both physically
and mentally
it takes thinking it through
to find the best action plan there is
then it takes the motion
both mentally
and physically
and most likely if you are trying anything
it involves other people
and if you don't execute your try hard and well enough
to someone you have failed.
that is why trying hurts.
so much goes in
but negative only comes back.

What can you do
when there is nothing?
nothing to grab onto
nothing to to hold you
nothing
just nothing
What can you say
when you are tired of your voice?
your whine
What can you think
when your mind is drowning?
drowning in the darkness
drowning and nearing of the dim lights of no more hope
drowning
just drowning
What can you dream
when you can't sleep?
can't get anything done
What can you do
when you becoming nothing?
from the thoughts
restless nights
loss of hope
loss of any sign of ******* hope
Nothing
just nothing
can help escape this.

Except for the pressing beauty that life and loved ones surely give,
but seems to be less important
as your spiraling into nothing envelops you into your own self destruction
There is in fact hope
though hard to see
and even impossible to comprehend at times
it's there, and you have to believe not only in yourself
but those small moments life gives you that make it all worth it.

That make the nights
though rough
bearable for the sunshiny morning to come
The thoughts
though dark
hard to hear through the laughs shared with loved ones
The feeling of nothingness
though tragically around
can be filled with the moments of pure happiness
Which do in fact exist in this ****** up world.

It's not okay
don't ignore it
It's a truly scary feeling
and shouldn't be brushed off
but there is a light at the end of this tunnel
there is hope
it does get better
and all of those cliches
Just remember the moments
from a shared laugh
to a love fest with pets
from a hug
to a kiss
from a funny moment on t.v.
to a literal laugh out loud moment in real life

This life is crazy
****** up
messy
heart wrenching
cruel at times
but
breath taking
beautiful
amazing
magnificent
and filled with moments
worth sharing and living for

It's all about the moments

When I think of your smile
oh gah that smile
I melt
yet stay cool
You make me feel like I can fly
while standing perfectly still
When I think of your eyes
oh gah those eyes
I shatter
yet remain sturdy
You make me feel like I can be anywhere
while just wanting to stay
When I think of you
oh gah
I think love