After all the years, you'd think I'd forget,
But my nightmares keep coming back, they won't relent.
I still remember all my worst memories
And sad as it is they will still be apart of me,
Because late in the night
When lay down to sleep
I can't stop my mind
From thinking of what life would be
If everything stayed the way I wanted it
And left me alive
But the worst part of life is that
Even when you grow old die
That you can never go back.

What I would give for second chances,
What I would give to get my moments again.
I'd tell my family that I'd miss them when we're no more.
I guess I just wish we had more time than before...












I still can hear the thoughts playing on my cassette tapes,
They're all broken records, all stuck on replay,
I thought I escaped,
I thought I escaped,
I thought I escaped!
But my heart is a hard thing to replace!
So I sit here still dreaming
Of what a family still is!
But my investigations show that it doesn't exist...













-I wear a lot of faces, I wear a lot of things,
But the one that I forget belongs to me!
These pencils don't do justice to the thoughts in my seas!

I once rubbed a crucifix to know
what it was like to be touched by Christ.
It wasn't warm.
He wasn't warm.
He was rusty metal.
A relic.
A man who has long since died.

One day that will be me.
A long lost artifact
Or photograph, that
will be stuffed in a drawer
next to a book and some condoms.

At times I'm as high as high can get,
I'll let you know, so don't forget.
I'm lost in the city of my mindset
And somewhere between life and death.
I tell you all I can tell
But when the opportunity comes I know that I'll sell
And get rid of the words that I spell
Until I empty me out of myself
Until my brain starts to swell,
Oh I know this all too well.

I can't remember when my hat wasn't full
My head's so big it should have it's own capitol,
And can't remember when I wasn't incalculable,
Having no care was something so masterful,
-And disaster-full -
I wish I was a kid sitting down to play blaster ball,
Because on days when I sit and think
I think that thinking only brings me closer to the brink
And I sink into the very thought of starting to sink
And I drown myself into thoughts even well into sleep!

I was a kid way well into life cycles
Too bad I left it alone with my bicycles,
Because I'm driving around like I'm driving without a head
And the only way time stops is if I'm lying dead.
Oh I know time too well,
Oh ask him a secret, I know that he won't tell,
Oh I'm sick of selling out at the sound of the doorbell
But time has me chasing it's tail like it's a jail cell.
Someone save me from time and it's cartel,
Before I end up like those who couldn't tell when the floor fell.
I know time too well,
I know time too well,
I know time too well,
I know this cycle of time in a nut shell,
Someone get me out of this cycling stairwell.

I hate the mask I wear
Behind my paper lines,
I hate the mask I wear
And all my un-rhymed rhymes.
I hate the fact that I'm some ghost
Who bleeds black ink onto my white host!
I hate the fact that I harbor my words
To the ships out at sea that all go unheard!
I hate the fact that I am a mess
And all I have left are these words of distress!

I hate that I try to make my self depressed
In order to write a poem that will truly impress!
I hate that I have to sit here everyday
Trying to write my problems away
Only to find
That behind the smeared lines
That I still am battling with my old demons!
That I still am battling with doubt!
Oh I hardly take time to care about the seasons
I just care about the problems I have going on now.

-And even at my best I'm just someone who can't write
And all my poems are a mask for my bloodiest fights
But tonight
I hope someone turns on the lights
And finds my dead corpse rotting off to the side,
I hope that for once it will all be fine
And my heart will stop beating before I start losing my mind-

I don't want to die,
But the moon still calls my name.
I think I'll visit.

So I swallow fast!
Until the last lump goes down
And my throat closes!

My eyes shake sideways!
And my arms feel cold again-
This is how and when

This is how and when
It all comes crumbling to the
Ever expected

And overly dull,
Commonly thought out, and the
Quiet, calm, silence.

The ever repeat
Of my tragic tragedy:
My heart wrenching end.






Dear trees who hold me,
I will always miss your songs.
I will miss singing

To the soft echoes
Bouncing through your dark branches.
I won't forget you-

Don't you forget me-
I will never remember
Something like your voice.

I wait for the sunset
To darken the Ally,
As I stare at you down the way.

I stand without motion
And so do you,
And so do you!
We stare as the sun goes by
And the clouds clean up the mess.

After the breeze blows
It carries away the stench!
And I don't have to worry
About the maggots from your head!

After the breeze blows
I walk back to my car!
The bullets
In your chest
Are still screaming,
Still screaming!
My gun still whispering,
"Just walk away."

After the breeze blows
The dirt covers up your skin,
And the name that once stood tall
Is now in his grave.

This road used to be my worst memory-
The remembrance of snow angles and frozen finger tips-
And my heart beats
To the rhythm of that song I hate.

The pavement slips beneath
The tires in the car we drive.
My head tried it's best to sing,
But I'm still distracted by the street lights.

The dusk shadows low
As the mountains reach out to accept the looming clouds.
And I like to think
That somewhere past the skyline
There's a home waiting for me.

I daydream of the stories I'll never write
And I night-dream of ones I never wrote,
And I'll never have enough of my thoughts complete
To complete these thoughts still haunting me.

The roads still scare me-
I am reminded that my future is never certain-
I am afraid of watching those white lines pass right by my windows
And right out of my life
Without letting me say goodbye.

- So let me say goodbye to those memories
So that my tires can rotate a bit more-