I am sat
In a tight picnic circle
Laid on the grey sand

I am a crusted seashell,
I am the limpets which cling to my skin
Like a sunken chest

The waves and sea gulls call
For each other and the cold
In the distance. The swimmers. The Irish

Sea and the Irish cold
Whistling,
The sea and the clouds

You are the froth
Flowing through my lungs like a white
Feather fallen from the sky

Silent
And dry
The rock's green hair swaying

The wind strikes the eye
Like a splash
And decays with

The grace of a coffin
For me the reeds have born their fruit
They stab the naked

Skin, you are still
Sleeping on your side
In the tent

You are still beautiful
Within, soon the ***** will unfold
And we shall embrace
The sea and her sons

You awoke before the rest
Their sighs and breaths
Disappeared in the dark morning

If only they would wake
And leave you unalone

The waterlilies
Float above graceful Koi fish
White and cherry red
Amongst ripples cast through ponds
Of alternate dimensions

Whilst white sakura
Flow like the wind through long hair
Outside car windows
During the sunniest days
Of an endless rain season

Clouds glide across sky
Like those wet waterlilies
In search of lost time
Yearning for life in the warm
Recesses of all-being

My thoughts are poisoned
I can't relax, I can't rest
Nothing makes me sad

Or happy, I try
I can't relax, I need rest
I need to fix this

I wish she knew
How the way her hands glide like pale doves
To cover her face when she laughs
Makes my heart melt

How she smiles
And suddenly the world will never
Be good enough
For me
How I would hold her hand
And kiss her tears away

In the dark, freezing my skin in the rain
Droplets collect on blue window panes
So clear and calm and beautiful

SPARE SOME CHANGE
COLD, NEED FOOD
The desperation was clear in the man's writing
On the crumpled trashcan cardboard
You saw him laying there on the cold concrete
In the frosty graffiti street
Against the worn down door
His unshaven face looked up
His wide eyes pleaded
And you looked away

Look away, look away
The stone angels cannot follow
The concrete terror
Can be forgotten
Others will take the stage
You never had the courage
To make a change

*So look away

She gazed up into the indigo night sky
Saw the twilight moon eclipsed
Like an unknown planet dark but visible
Had smothered the light
Apart from one sliver cresented
On the edge where black became blue

I followed
Through the piercing breeze
Needing to get out
I stayed inside, I couldn't breath

We sneaked through the underbrush
Feeling improbable and alive
The stars made us feel at home
With you I felt less alone
Creeping along some old man's back yard
Lying on the grass, your hand in mine
Trying not to remember, trying our best
To stop time and our hearts from beating

I wondered why the birds sang so late
On this gloomy Summer's evening
It was like a dream
A lesson I had not yet learned
Were they calling out
For the Sun's sweet return?
Do they not know their efforts were in vain
That the passage of time is as inevitable
As the falling of the rain

On the thin film of my umbrella
The pattering continued
In an irregular beat
Droplets formed like a masterpiece
Dripping down around me
I felt as though I were in a dome
A cosy bubble to call my own
I walked on

And finally reached the old church
And though I am not the religious type
I could see its worth
And it's ethereal beauty tonight
Sitting beside the cold stone wall
Sheening with the light that reflected
The rain was illuminated beside me
On this solemn dedicated bench

I looked out to the bay where the land
Molded around the sea
And I saw a lone swan soaring across the rippled water
Gliding gracefully stoic like a banshee
Through the misty downpour
My ill omen
I saw determination in her steady course
And a pensive sorrow in her solitude

I sat there for a long time

The sky had darkened
And angels on long shifts
Flew past on the roads below
I gazed again and she was lost
In the shadows, now perhaps snug in her nest
Her job she had done well enough
For today
Another soul she had saved
As the moon guided the waves
She would rest
And I would be on my way

don't write a poem
for me
it would be pointless,
it would be
a paradox
to try
to give beauty
to something
so ugly

In my shining spotlight the rabbit scampers
Across the fields, its bright white eyes, and stops
Crouching in the dewy grass of a foggy night
In the pale-faced cold wind of winter

In the light of the supermoon
In the light rain fog of November
And what is fog?
In the darkness
Something that I remember

The glowing leaves pile up in my pockets
Yellow ones burn like lemon flames, green like pears
They all find their way someday between the pages
Of my stained petal books

And I always find my way
Into the Moon's light,
Where blue sea laps softly on smooth stones
Of the shore
Of the skin
And the silence
Of the night

The cold is as sudden as a memory
Of something once forgotten
When the tide decides to drown
My aimlessly drifting self
I'll watch the blue light sift through in rays
For as far as can be seen
From the bottom of this tranquil sea

My teeth fire like machine guns
Rattling in my mouth two rows have begun
To battle, these goosebumped limbs will not behave
As they should do
Droplets of debris frantically scatter
My body an earthquake
My mind overcome by the waves

Until I have collapsed
Upon the burning sand
And I am glad I could not stand
I lay motionless upon the palm of God
A soft fire surrounding my very being
Like a warm blanket upon a winter's evening
The Sun's love massages my naked back
Like a helping hand
My only friend

A shadow like me
Its leaves are blacker than black
Against the grey sky

Post-apocolypse
A cloud of billowing ash
In the aftermath

Of Vesuvius
Rain falls on cold embers
In this film noir

As my hair turns black
And clumps, black as rotten stumps
Black as mottled roots
Clung to a pale corpse

Droplets play in golden light
Then a lightning strike
The gravel sound
Angels passing on the ground

Wandering lost as moths
From light to light
My eyelids hang heavy
Ready to close me out

Phoenix in the night
Burning
Burning her broken heart

[ I ]
The window framed the quiet scene
My still mind had painted there
Pastel shades of grey and white
That sailed across an ocean sky
To travel right and disappear

I felt her personality
In choice of subject, her use of colours
So vibrant and true
Though I knew

That all great art
Is channeled, not thought
A piece taken from the heart
To be planted anew

[ II ]
At night the lights were dotted lines
Along the shore,
Glittering
Orange and incandescent

As the crescent moon sent her light reflected
To shimmer fragmented and grey
On endless waves
I ran along

The sea wall
Drunk on love and beer
Singing "Hallelujah" with hair trailing
Feeling perfect as a rose in the rain

It makes me go "Jesus Christ. Look at the view"
Middle of October, birthday,
Driving past Bantry bay
Treading boots on a carpet of brown
Leaves, the forest walk in Glengariff

I walk and wonder
Why the ivy leaves sprout from the mud  
Scattering green shapes on the ground
Spread across the floor like mushrooms

I see the thin branches hold a preschool painting
A trillion burning instances of colour
And nothing is human here, but you
I am only the moss that clings to the trees

Like a pointilist masterpiece
The apple-green and autumn yellow spots
Gather in canopies above the rocks
While the white streaks and dots
Dance wildly in the black stream

And so
The orangeness, as I turn, flies diagonally,
Looking down across the dampened stones
The colour of fire paints the falling petals
That flip like red feathers

As the stream flows clear as molten glass
And the foam, so dove white on the surface
Bubbles against the edge of it
Splashing boulders,
Rinsing toes

mute, in a bubble
black holes open - and swallow
swallow me all whole

party, I won't be
some, something, I want to be
somebody not me

I fumble over
alone, I speak like the dark
but I guess I try

the empty glances
alone, I guess I liked her
I got used to it

A fire was burning on the horizon
A bright yellow flame that faded upwards
Into an infinite many orange shades
And tinted the wistful clouds
A clear rosy kind of pink
As the earth turned slowly away from the sun
I walked back through the door
To see it run through my pen
At my desk in my dark room
The flames faded out in my mind
While they burned so brightly outside

The rose red dresses flutter and float
Over beautiful girls with smooth legs cartwheeling
Dancin' like swinging jitterbug springs
Going round in a bebop rhythm
Through the saxophone blasting soul
And the jazz drums which clash and simmer

The yellow lights and red smoke floods
Singing and a' ringin' in circles
Filling the air with childish smiles and laughter
Freedom reigns on the crowded dance-floor
Synchronisation in the joyful movers
Who dance and drink into the night

Listening to my CD's late at night
In my room
Classics
Songs that molded impressionable children
Full of life and passion
Running hand in hand
Through the pouring November rain
Shaped a generation...
The eternal art of legends
Will all be forgotten
Like you
It makes me cry
They are no longer with us
I never got to meet my heroes
People who influenced me so much
And so many others

I heard the news today, oh boy
Bowie died and I cried
I heard his final songs
And I didn't sing along
I did not interrupt
I cried more than when my grandmother died
David Jones is gone


"Ground control to Major Tom.... "


I heard the news today, oh boy
And what did I find
Eyedea is gone, his message left behind
A true soul moved on
To the void
Drugs again...
When will it all end
I played his songs for hours
Through the night
I cried
And I cried
I cried more then when my mother died
I felt nothing then
And I moved on
Forgotten...

"The snow won't melt...
The fog won't clear..."
Oh how I wish you were here

The birds chirping outside my window
Their song is so beautiful in the early morning twilight
Their hungry chicks are waking in their nests
And my mind is in need of rest

The sun has barely risen
But the sky holds a hint of blue
And the rain looks cold as it showers down
Onto grass leaving morning dew

Hours ago my mind was still active
As much as it is now hours after
I'll try to sleep soon
And tomorrow I'll wake in the afternoon
But my dreams will be filled with laughter

The night sky's
One great eye
Followed every step
I placed
Along paths
Rain displaced
Along streets
We traced
Reflected on puddles
With one jump came crashing
You looked up expecting
An explosion
In the sky
Fragments of the eye
Mother's broken plate
Father's hand across
Your face
You waited with a sigh
And a disappointing taste
Filled your mouth
What a waste
You thought is life
Without strife
And
Without love
As the moon shone
Staring down from above
And we continued on our way
Tempted to live
Another day

Do you really think you'll never change?

Your heart will never be the same
Do you really think you're the one to blame?

You're seeing changes every day
Feeling things that you can't explain

Do you really think it's ok
To think your whole life away?

Do you think there's nothing more than now
Nothing left to learn?

But what do you know?
And what else can I say?
You know you just have to go
You have to find your own way

So you're probably feeling
The same things as me
You probably want to run
You probably want to hide

You probably never thought
You'd ever be
Who you are
Who you've become
Now this tension runs your life
You've been caught

And yes, it's going to be hard

But Never
B e l i e v e
Or think
You Are Alone

You aren't
And you never will be
I'll be here
And we'll get through this
Together

I'd like you all to know
That I don't care what you think
So much so that I write it in ink
Because I really don't care
What it is that you think

I care so little that I want it sung
From the highest tower,
To ring through your ears
Like the school bell has rung
I am not on the fence
I want you to cower
At my great ambivalence
My nonchalant power

As you are aware
I wrote this poem for you
Instead of living
Outside in the Sun
Where diamond rivers flow
In the breeze the leaves blow
Because I really don't care
If you are aware
That I don't care
Because I really really don't
And I just wanted you to know

Taste the black and white keys
Caked with the blood of passion
Sweep the streets of keyless doors
Find the lock that fits under the trees
Ration the waves of this nation
And the lonely desert breeze

I have seen the golden sheen
In the alchemy of ages gone
I have worn the berserker's skin
And sung the piper's song
I have heard the sound of earth
And I have learned the beating of the land
I have learned that God can not be captured
By any mortal man

The tower will always fall
But flight will forever be ambition
The human soul is impregnable
The revolution never asks permission
To place that first brick down
Take more than it's been given
To see God within the clouds
And pull him down to be forgiven

There's a halo in the clouds,
A rainbow that glides
With the crescent moon

The day is spent, the moments gone
I come up for air at every one
And forget the last

The moments pass
They come from where?
Someplace close but far from here
Like a song I can't quite recall

As my face rests on the fogged-up glass
Eyelids flash. A drop of rain falls
Onto my tongue, and I fall asleep
In the backseat of the car

Share with me Cherie  
The life you left unwoken
Asleep under ice

Send me your sweet heart
Riddled with self-inflicted
Knife wounds I may mend

I feel in your words
In your thoughts the flesh you sear
In hope of sealing

And hiding the pain
Of existence without love
Living from below

You are not alone
Cherie do not
Be afraid

Cherie please
Do not wait
For me

The dark rain will fall
Again, but nevertheless
The rainbow follows

Flicking through old photos
Since forever stashed under my bed
Mum points at one of me
Little, laughing
And my brothers
In colourful winter hats,
Climbing white trees,
A one of a kind cold day
The brown leaves sing
"Weren't you so cute?"
To think Christmas is wasted on me now
And I lie lamenting the happiness of someone long past
My throat hurts at the effort of not just bursting out
Crying
Like a baby as I lose control
In front of my own mother
That wasn't me on that fence
The little face swinging upside-down
That was someone pure
Locked inside me
That was light on a piece of card
I don't feel
Like a person
Anymore
I'm a mish-mash
Of random
Things
I am a split second
That's almost gone
I am traits, emotions, chemicals, hormones, electricity, fear, love, friendships
Fading into a maelstrom of humanness
Mounds of recycled carbon
Made-up meaning
Lost in fog
Where I begin and end fades
Into everything and nothing
I'm the dirt in the ground
The stars in the sky
Something words can't describe

The white Moon makes raindrops into dark crystals
Snaking down the cold windows

Have you ever noticed the whiteness of the rain
As it bounces in passing headlights off the asphalt

As the heavy clouds cover the stars
Blinding us from where we are

Like we could be anywhere
Like a rainy night looking up as droplets slide down the tent's skin

Pattering
Shivering
Thinking

We're nowhere
Huddled under covers
Losing time in the darkness
Lost in an endless dream
As we drift back into sleep

[Before the storm]

I'm walking away from hope
Childish in my care for the cracked stone
I must be for my mother
            My forehead once felt her kiss
                              Then felt her wrist
I pity the men who can step anywhere  

Anywhere in the grey
Above Dublin's familiar streets
Bubbling, their tea in hell
           It has the taste of fear as well
                             I have made them
Their new reality did not account for me

I bought you a bicycle for your birthday
I helped you to unwrap it
And we rode through the morning
           Brushing nettles
                           And when fox brush fluttered
We were unsettled

Why were you so cold?
When the Sun submerged into galaxies
To become your face and your cheeks
         And the leaves lay on cellophane
                          Your eyes seemed so old to me
But your smile was philosophy

Long hair was blooming in the wind
A deal made with the God Time
No need for penitence
        No need for any of it
                         Tell me there is a way
And I will wage war with the waves

Speeding ahead with my eyes on the stars
And the moon which stays fixed
No matter how fast I pedal
Even when small stones
Get stuck in the metal
And I fly through the air like a feather

I lay with the pattering in a puddle
I lay with the rain and the mud forever

I was hiding behind my sunglasses
On the pier that day as chatter filled the air
I saw smiles in the bustling crowds of a species I hated
There were stares from every side
As people spoke behind my back
I couldn't breath, they had cornered me

Tears ran down eyes where no one could see
Blood ran down my throat from bitten lips
And did you know I was too afraid to hug Nan?
Beacause I was afraid of what people would think
I was afraid of how I looked
And I think every day of how I'll never see her again
And how that was the worst thing
I've ever done

The crows circled patiently
Their charcoal feathers contrasted the white
Of the mountain snow

Howl

A huge bellowing howl
The last desperate cry of a dying animal
Was heard above the winter trees
Spruces and green pines iced with snow
And somewhere deep inside
Something savage and unseen
Took its last whispered breath
And with one final howl
Welcomed the sweet kiss of death

your eyes paint the clouds black


i feel the wet grass that glows the colour of dusk,
i sense the light reaching out into every night

the shadows swim between headstones
and up to the pines
as angels fly past us
fading out

the ghost of a lone swan

resting on my arm
you see her, so still and so beautiful
and before day comes we're gone

by the pier
alone with the endless rain

stained gold by the flowering light
drowning out in orange glow

i see the waves
as they breathe cold darkness into the streetlights
see the reeds in the wind,
hear the roar in our ears

the falling slopes we climb
lost in a million sounds of the rain
floating without senses
lost between the stars

i love to count
the wintry things
two lips

the tundra glides
                past the slates
as, perched on wires, the crows wait
for their white coats
              to build

two covered boots
              walk the ice on the road
as the children and their bikes
stick out

distinctly red, half hidden in snow
the wet ice of the street
            two black tires

a trail of feet
i count five flakes
one cold face
one pink nose and two flushed cheeks
eight car hoods

mounds of snow piled up on each

snow,
            the snow falls
feathering down to the ground
            through the cold
settling down on woolly clothes

my tongue stuck out to catch the snow
landing, thawing, melted down

condensed. five, six, seven, eight,
thousands, millions
          an infinite
blizzard
        of snowy
children
dancing, muddy footprints

orange gloves on numbing digits

hot chocolate inside
snugly

both palms
around
        like a lighter's
flame
in a cold home

and the birds' wings clap
as they fly
from the branches
in the frozen
      barren
fields

I cannot cry my lord where am I and why
Lord can I not cry on these dying lies
Nor return again from fields that wilt
To sheath myself by my sunken hilt

I travel through time to a time I was heard
Believing a song but forgetting the words
In my funeral robes of white satin at night
I cannot see my god between the dark and the light

If you had given me one reason to live
Oh if you had only given me a soul to give
If you had delivered to me the courage to forgive
Oh if you had loved me, enough to forbid

Oh Lord what have you done with my heart
The abhorrent creature which hides in the dark
Less than the beast of something which flew
The broken silhouette of something which grew
From the ashes of the great creator

I am once again silenced at the precipice of speech
On the verge of verbal expression I falter
Stutter, mutter, fumble, and tumble over words
As if they were more than just words
And really something physical
Something I could touch

Eyes converge on my lips like a lens
Focusing the rays of indignation so it burns
Charring and shrivelling, those black paper butterflies
Flutter in my chest and tear up my insides
Moving towards my head, stop my lungs
I can't breathe
My heart is a flooded
Watergate, a dam rushing
A machine out of control
I think
I think
I think
I think
I'm on the brink
My mind is a man
In danger
His out of breath lungs breathing acid
Pursued by a hooded knife
In the lonely dark he runs
But reaches a dead end
No way out
No where to run
He spots the shape, the only escape
A silhouette in his eye
He wishes he would collapse, so he could just
Relax
Retire with a sigh
The burden off his mind
Everything gone
He would finally die

You may be right
But we all have our own fences don't we,  Cherie?

Cherie: a sweet name
A dear name
For a dearer mind

But,  angel
There is honor in the flight, you know
It is better to have flown
Than to be forever grounded

It is more noble to have know
Than to be eternally  lost
In ignorance

My battered heart
I hope you may mend
Dear Cherie

But you must tread carefully
On this fragile soil
Dear friend

.... My own name
..... Is Niklas

(Your words stand on my soul
Like a paperweight

There's no need to shout when
You can bore us in-
to a zombie-like state)

Is it sadder I have to
Listen
To you speak

Or

That you have to teach
This *******
To me?

Everyone writing
Now who is there left to read
No one understands

I am lying
Below this tree
On my back with the bats
I see it rising like a mushroom cloud
Bellowing upwards to cover me
Glowing in the moonlight; moonlit
A river flows beside it

While tufts of grass reach
Over its banks
Like peasants at golden gates
With arms outreached
Pleading
To satisfy their thirst
In the stream of life
Unaware of the soft dew
Upon them

In the dark
The solitary streetlight
Reflects upon the water
Under
The blackout skies
A horde of medieval torches
Dances
Like dragonflies
Like fairies in little ships
Their ceremony
Continues

I wonder if I'll dare
To go out on the roof tonight  
And tilt my head towards the stars  
The city lights are glowing bright as a carnival  
A garden of golden flowers

Tea stained table oak
Writhing in vines
Newspapers and coffee
Coffee shop chatter
Voices raised in laughter

The cry of sacred life
The high pitched giggle
Which brings us right
Reminds us of Spring
Reminds us we're alive
Young unintelligent design
Destined to die

I see God
In the faces of children
In their innocent play
In their minds not yet
Twisted
By the world

A God more beautiful
Than any religion
Can give us
Can tempt us with
Any temporary fix

Beauty fills my brain
But I can't finish this
Across the table
You look like bliss
And I long to live
Forever
Just like this

I fought against the beauty of the automaton's playing
Seeing it's calculated metal digits scanning keys
The languid symphony as a set of logical steps

And you'd think it would sound robotic
Remember those old movies: evil robot, red light
A computer voice lecturing feeble-minded people

Something missing from the synthetic noise
Something human.  But each note is met perfectly
The sound so beautiful I try not to hear it

Because if this machine has succeeded
In the only thing left to make us different
What am I exactly?
  
What is life?
And what is lust?
What is love?

When the only thing to make us human
Is our stubborn belief in being special
Floating in this endless unforgiving Universe

Where are we going?

The sky departs and clouds surround
Our ship is on its way through the atmosphere
People gaze like ants from the ground
As the cockpit vibrations shake in fear

Thin wisp clouds disperse, hear the whip crack
As we climb higher over our tiny blue world
The sky darkens. Blue, navy, indigo, pitch black
We detach and float, spaced out in a whirl

I look out the window into the silence
At our planet and realise how small we all are
How big and empty is the universe
How my home is away so far

From way up here the whole world is green and blue
Humanity and its problems seem off in a dream
And the challenges I face, we face, what to do
Are no longer as hard as they once had seemed

Kind spirit

Your letter has saved me

Stuffed under
These barbed fences

Built by those devils

And you are my angel

My link from the nether

Herded like sheep
We trudged through the 9th circle
Fewer than first started

Those souls we left on our way
Those souls will become letters
Stained with tears and wine

But all is grey here

My family
Where are they?

Oh,  Mama and Papa

Where are you now?