It doesn't take a push to fall
When you've found an excuse
A reason to stumble

Love is a word
A single distinct element
of emotional expression

Love is an idiom
Transcending the understanding
of even the average minded

Love is a figure of speech
As portrayed in the rhetoric and vivid
effect it has on unsuspecting victims

Love is an adage
The elders tell it better
than it actually looks

Love can be any of the above
All of the above
Or just more.

They say love's a beauty
But beauty's at the beholders'
They swear the heart's not a bone
Why then does it get to be broken

The lover becomes the unloved
Laughters into happily never afters
Sweet dreams to sleepless nights

Can someone please tell me how
I'm just coming to the realization
That one plus one can never be one?

Mind for lease;
Heart's up for sale
Lock up my senses too
And every feeling, without bail.

Love is a fickle thing
Forever is a myth
Love, forever
Is a promise birthed
To die

...Because love, for me, is like setting my heart
perfectly on the floor, next to your feet.
Scared you might step over it and go your way
Hoping you don't step on it and **** me so
Praying you pick it up and make me whole

I have written a lot
Of things about love

Love is simple; it's humans
That are complicated

Love is a kind of ******
Of self for another

Love doesn't take a push
It happens, despite you

Love is regret; about choices
We make and don't

I've finally come
To the realisation that
Love is all of these and more
That
Love is a lot of things
But the picture of perfect
That
Love is all we make of it
And don't.

It's true
That
I don't know
What Love is

But I've felt it.

Love is a verb
More than just
A thought
Best seen
In every day actions
Not in the gestures
Far and few between
A feeling
Best shown
Than said
So
No matter how much
Someone tells you
They love you
Pause
Listen
What do their actions say?

I had a really bad argument
with my other half today
And in the middle if it
she said,
Angrily
I hope
"I know we love each other,
but love is not enough"

A statement which I found so strange

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs."

Love is anything but not enough

Even the Holy book agrees

I have written a lot
Of things about love
But I’m just learning, at 30
That it is a lot of things
But the picture of perfect;
What even in the world is?

Years and years
Of living
Through the many
Versions of love
Has taught me
That, Love,
If true,
Is light
And no one
That has it to give
Hides it under a bushel
Left to the imagination
Of the one
It was meant for

That love, is loud
It was created
To be seen,
Heard
As much as it is felt.

Lately I've come to hypothesize

Love is a science

Maybe its the biology of attraction

The hormonal chemistry of lust

Maybe it's the physics of its dynamics

The product of its mathematical variable

That makes it so complex a function

We are left confused

as to what it really is.

It's taken me years
Of writing and reading,
Living,
Giving and receiving,
Love
To realise;
Love is simple
It's humans
That are complicated

You know
Love is a crazy thing
Each time I'm roped in
I become a better version of myself
I've only been in love 3 times
The first taught me empathy
A deeper kind of feeling
An Understanding of oneself beyond pity
The second taught me patience
Not the enduring kind
But the type
that has made me who I am today
But with you
I've learnt to love myself
A feeling I thought of
as an inbuilt transient sensation
And one I now find most important
You see
It's saved my life countless times

I don't plan on falling
For someone different everytime
Just so I can learn
So
I just need to
keep on finding ways
To fall in love with you
Over and again

Who knows what else I will find

You are the closest
I've felt to heaven
And I'm baptised by
Your undying love
Can you let me worship at the feet
Of your majesty?

Maybe.

If the landscape of life wasn't so unpredictable

If the Earth was a little bit flatter;

We wouldn't all be tripping and falling in love

Maybe.

Slowly but surely, the earth is dying
Landslides and earthquakes
Tsunamis and hurricanes
Summer heat all year round
Like a mid-summer nightmare

Yet
Those are not the real killers
Bomblasts and homicides
Crimes of color, religion
A life for more lives
Alive to take more lives
Not one day gone without an unnecessary death

Slowly but surely, the earth is dead
Buried in the same hope that was meant to save us
Religion and it's diversities; Science and it's ideologies More harm than good
And knowledge is the ****** weapon
Now we are bristling at the seams of the end
Weaving as if we didn't know, our very demise
Deeply obsessed with such sad irony
The saved don't want to be saved
They want to go to heaven
But for the unbeliever, anything goes
Let nature take its cause
Indeed, we are nature's beings, but
We have overwhelmed it
With our incessant addiction to hope
Never believe the news
It's much worse than it looks
But not all is lost; the red could save us all
Join the movement
Mayday Mars

We will be alright, she says
Won't we?
We will be
With a deep blue sigh
I said, knowing
But not knowing if
We will be
Ever the same
But I hope it shows in my eyes
That I haven't slept
Thoughts berating my eeriest senses
Making me numb
Leaving me number

I know it's crazy that I'm empty
And you are still here
But I did dream of having you
Why can't I dream of losing you?
Our conversations are getting shorter
Why am I not surprised
The yearning; lingering no longer
Why does it always have to end
Like this.

It started with the longing
For your attention
And then you refute
And I try again and I get it
Then comes the indifference
Shades of loving-care, laced with awws; cute
Followed almost inevitably
By nonchalantness
Calls and texts unreturned
You think I'm cheating
Quarrels; often unwarranted
Then I start making you feel you nag too much
But you do
I'm sorry I say; the sighs within the apologies;
I'm sorry, Over and again

Now we are at a ****** of sorts
And it's not the kind that's found in clouds of nines
I can't keep going like this
I can't deal with this anymore Vic
Do you want us to end this?
Do you think we could be better?
Questions; more questions
Answers you already have

Then the accusations of deception
Of lies and deception; emotional blackmailing
This is a recurring phase
But it breaks me everytime
Letting go; letting it go, you go
I mean, I already let go before I met you
But I've tried, everytime, I try
And everytime I fail
And in picking myself up to try again
I make you fall for me, then I fail again

I'm broken in shards, and it's my pieces that hurt you
And me
And I would be devastated, but I'm already damaged
I would be hurt, scarred for life
But I don't have the heart

I don't have a heart.

This is my life in stages
Oftentimes struggling with disbelief
Every other time, scolding away my doubts.
Not really where I want to be
But that's ok, not better
Or worse than I imagined it.
So far, the only things I own,
A pen and a dream
And I'm not so sure of the former

Torn between burning bridges and opening
Hell's doors; Like hunting silhouettes in the mist
Shadows, busy, chasing the light

I find that I take chances first then learn;
an uncanny approach
Much Like skydiving without a parachute then
Learning to fly to survive the fall

Shout-out to my past self
Buried in the hunger of who I'm working
To become; deep within the waves
Of my mind's seas
Like lost treasures even as I'm capsizing
Into a new person
An ocean of endless vast
To house the unending quests
For wealth in lost causes
Waiting to be explored
Ready for lady luck
And the opportunity to sail from her dock

This is a picture
Of my mind
Of a locked gate with
A broken fence
It doesn't look
Completely fine
But my gate is locked
What could possibly go wrong

Thoughts get inserted
Out of line; thoughts
Get out of control
Loss of association
And no one close
To help with repairs

I can try to rebuild, yes
But won't Ten
Be better; even Two
Now I hope
You see it too
Why it's hard
For me say it too
That I'm not fine
And I'm not, but
I think it not
Because my gate was locked
What could possibly go wrong

The fiercest battles
Are fought from within
But won on the outside
Of The mind
And it takes none; prisoner.

My grandma
Always had a way
with words
She once said to me
Child,
Don't go proving love
With words
It is not a thing that's hidden
It is clear as day.
Love may be blind
But you aren't
And neither is she.

My girl has an unpredictable swing
She loves like a relapsing stoner
High today, clean the next
One day she insists she's mine
And the next she pretends I'm air
So I take note of that extra I love you
She says on days I'm her everything
And save them for days that I'm nothing.
My girl has a reckless swing.
But she will always be my girl.

Mama
I can fly
I can fly
Said little V
Arms spread apart
Mimicking a bird
As he stood on the railing
Just a light wind blast
From a fatal fall.

That day,
we established
that one of us could fly,
and it wasn't V

I needed you

I never knew it too

But

Water's only sweet

When you're Thirsty too

Wish I had to live in another world
But shooting stars and missing,
That's all I'll ever have.
Berated for being myself
Then judged for trying to be another;
They promised the sky wasn't the limit
But encouraged me to aim for it though
And when I reach the skies they say
You know you could have jumped higher
If you tried harder
Or you could have plucked out one star
Or Now you've gone and damaged the sky
There's no pleasing them it seems.
But I never should have gauged my success
With something so fragile and within hypothetical reach, like the soft blue sky riddled with white patches and rain clouds, so
Now I will stop being me because you said- be you
Yet still, I will keep being me for myself
Self obsessed and grandiose
And I'm not even sorry.

The majority of nights,
I spend on my bed,
and in my head.
Sleep then becomes
a luxury I can't afford,
even though I've worked all year.

There's something very surreal about
Watching the stars with you
It's not the beautiful stars
Whose numbers don't compare
To the number of goosebumps
On both our skins
Nor is it the bird cries ringing in the soundtrack of nightfall which is only
Drowned out by the sound of our hearts
Beating as one
It's surely not the soft breeze of the night
Cos all I feel on me is you.

It's okay
To be afraid of the dark.

And when I say
you are not alone
Don't worry,
it's not because of the demons
that may abound;
You just aren't alone in your fear
of the shadows
that hide behind the sun
as it sets.

Your dreams are valid
But first
You need to sleep.

Note to self - never wake up

Met her a fortnight ago
Miss tall-light-skinned-real-brown-eyes-with-the-perfect-smile
To my Mister-egotistical-too-weirdly-damaged-for-you facade

Hit it off from the onset; really could've sworn twas all a script if I wasn't such a horrible actor.
Usually a glass-empty kinda guy; but you've got me half full; I'm opti-pessi-mistic
Nah. I'm just half-crazy, half-weird
With you being the crazy; you are a part of what I've become

You've got us falling so hard, we flying
A true beauty, but I promise I'm a beast in the making
For now though, I'm soaring beyond the usual clouds of nines and highs, and it's just so incredible
Cos, what is beauty without the attitude; Perfection

Note to self - Never wake up.

No words can express how I really feel
At least not enough, but I will try still
I'm the silhouette in the shadows
Drowning in the darkness of my days
You can't see it, but it's there
Hidden well within the brushes
That try to paint me a different color but blue
I'm the drawing in the dark
The Artist in plain sight
And I paint myself blue to your adulation
Like the phenomenon of color constancy
I see blue and black, but you
You see white and gold; I'm done
No need to show what's hidden in plain sight
I'm fine I say, over and again; depressed
No words can say how I really feel
The words will never be enough
To make you see that all I am, is ill

...forgive me this raging thirst
Before it consumes me
Of persistence in lost causes
Like I would be nothing
If I didn't make something
Out of them.
I need to learn
Like always I say
Sometimes the idea is
To never fall
Other times, to never stay down but
Again, knowing when to stay down
There, you've got life all figured out but
with my obsession of fixing
Every other thing irrelevant but myself
I really simply haven't

Your eyes are poetry
I get them
Yet I don't get them
That fearsome depth
I revel and drown
and I'm not even ashamed
Like poetry; words giving
meaning to my thoughts
Your eyes control the rhythm
To my heartbeat
Fast or slow
Blink and I'll miss a beat
To the dance of your lashes
I'm drunk and lost.

If I had to say something if I heard you were dead...
I would say...

I knew him... I think.
I'll like to think he was my friend.
The first day we met, I would never had guessed he was the founder of MANI - (I was having a ****** day and the hug he offered was needed and appreciated)

He was the kind of person I was afraid of talking to... Lol
Let me explain.
He was the kind of person that struck me as someone who you shouldnt talk to if you're not sure of what to say or made your research... And I'm the kind that will probably rather not say anything at all.

He was kind, and responsible and even with a lot of responsibilities, he was still very human... And that, that part, I really admired. I kinda always wanted to know if he was alright, it all seemed a lot for one person.

He founded MANI, and that organization changed my life in many ways than one and I'll always be grateful to him.

He inspired me in so many wierd ways and I'm glad that in my lifetime, I met such an amazing soul.

I'll miss him!

Have I mentioned his sarcasm.

He was a good one.

To be psychotic is to be
Free
To dance in rain and in shine, naked
To sleep wherever the head might rest
To wander, make fun of people
To live indeed.

To be psychotic is to be
Free
To dream of absurdly great things and not care
To own as many imaginary friends as possible;
Cos at least they are real with you
To love wholesomely and to hate, unabashed
To live indeed

To be psychotic is to be
Free
To create a reality and live in it
To think whatever about oneself and not
Care about being judged
To live indeed

To be psychotic is to be
Free
Of clothes, their costs and attachments
Of self-judgements of self appearance
To fight the air or run a personally organized race
To live indeed.

So pray tell,
What is the extent you would go
To live? Indeed.

Something about the rain
That soaks away my innate senses
Must be the sound atop my cepha
That tasteless inundating effect
Maybe it's the smell of dust being awakened
Burying my judgement

Intoxicated
Two indifferent souls and a bottle
Of sad wine
Locked up within my mind's
A closet space I visit every now
and again with you
So much for the pain we both
Cause each other, no gain

Do you see me at all
Cos I've stopped seeing the possibilities
Of you
And I
Does it hurt that I'm not there
Cos you ain't here and I'm just fine

I think we will be ok
Nothing does it better than a long day
In the showers
In the rain
of the rain
Blinded by the droplets from above
I can see it so clear, it's below me

There's something in the rain
That cleanses my mind's trash
Resetting my thoughts little by little
In droplets of ecstasy
It's probably because it comes from above
And we both didn't
So we hurt each other, relentlessly

"I'm not ready yet"
A sentence I've used
Time and again and
I feel like I should clarify
That I'm building myself
To be the home
I think you deserve;
Nobody likes the inconvenience
Of a building that's incomplete
It's not not even about luxury
it's about the safety
We both need
To afford forever

"I'm not ready yet"
A sentence I've used
Time and again and
I feel like I should clarify
That I'm building myself
To be the home
I think you deserve;
Nobody likes the inconvenience
Of a building that's incomplete
It's not not even about luxury
it's about the safety
We both need
To afford forever

I look at you sometimes and
Wonder how you feel so
Surreal but
So real to me

Mine.

For a long time
I thought
That I would never be ready
To move ahead
Again

For most that came along,
Red lights and never

For a few others I met
Yellow lights and sirens

For you,
It wasn't just green,
But go too

And here I am.

Yours.

Sometimes the image
You see of yourself in the mirror
Is a reflection of what
You think of yourself at that moment
Ugly, beautiful, maybe
Maybe it's all in your head

Spent a lot of time at Dawn
staring at the mirror.
Sometimes that's all it takes
to attain self recognition,
at least enough to whisper to myself -
You are enough.
Broken, but enough still.
And so I say it
over and again
Until I begin to believe it too

Sometimes the image
You see of yourself in the mirror
Is a reflection of what
You think of yourself at that moment
Ugly, beautiful, maybe
Maybe it's all in your head

On some days
You make me
Regret
Ever loving you

Yet,
Every other day
It becomes clearer
That losing you
Would be my biggest
Regret

I know which one
I can live with

Ever had
The kind of heartbreak
That makes you
Say a prayer
Dear God,
Stop my heart
Or replace it?

I know I'm not the only one
That these questions keep
Up at night
Like why do babies cry the same
Do fools fall in love or
Does love make a fool
Which arm rest is really mine at the cinema
and if man evolved from monkeys
How come we still have monkeys
and what about my daydreams at night
Would a picture of a thousands words
be worth so much?
I really can't sleep much do I?

Music is my life map
to the past
and the future.

A song comes on,
its rhythm
taking me back
to several moments
and memories,
some; I wish gone,
most; I want to relive.

Another comes on
Filling me
with dreams
of the future,
memories,
I wish to make;
the things,
I hope to feel.

A rhythmic reminder
to live;
Life itself

I'm always drawn to the ruins
Opting for the unlikely
For love where there's none
Life, where death hunts
Beauty in ashes
And for calm in the storm

But, Like attracts like
They say...

I spend
the greater part
of my sleepless nights
wondering why I persist
in trails
that promise me pain
and give up
at the slightest shove
on the road
to pleasurable experiences