Light.
I open my eyes slightly and stare blankly at the window.
My mind is empty as I start feeling the sun on my skin.
All there is is regret.
Why didn't I close the curfew?
I turn over in hope that closing my eyes will make the world disappear again.
It doesn't.
It never does.
I cover myself with the blanket, hoping the darkness will tell me the story
of this warm feeling of memory.
Ah, it was a dream.
It must've been.
A dream about touch and peace.
Once again I try to calm myself.
Maybe I can go back to sleep and feel it again.
A small sigh with a silent prayer slips trough my lips.
I hope the dark gives my dreams back.
It doesn't.
It never does.

I'm watching his back
It's really warm in here
A drop of sweat slowly forms and slides down the middle
In the line of his spine
Touching every bit of skin it can on it's way

People are beautiful

I want to be that drop of sweat
Being able to form and vanish within him
And maybe I want someone to see my back
In the warm room
And think that people are beautiful

let the rain fall heavy on me
as from the moment i was born
i was meant to fall out of grace

Floating in space
A lonely star with a dying light
Where does it end
Where am I going

Seen so many miracles
And so many stars
Without shine
When did they all
Fall apart

Kept flying,
Fading

But what happens if two stars collide
Maybe that's how
Beautiful explosions are created
Forever lasting

Maybe that was my destination
All along
To be broken and reformed
By your light

feeling the cracks in the walls. watching the floor crumble. my life is unraveling.
im not crying. i cannot yet. ill have to wait for a different stage - its not how denial works.
running my fingers along the lines. it cuts. it cuts deeper. deeper still. i see the blood but i dont feel it yet.

why do we hold onto ruins? to the ashes of things we never had? i try to keep it all together. i want to scream and rush to hold the base together - but i cant move. im just standing still with the slowly settling emptiness.

it was never there. it was all in my head. i knew that already and i know it now, more than i ever did. reality is seeping trough the gaps but i dont want to look.
why is it so difficult to face something youve faced many times before? and why is it so hard if you knew it was there all along?
i want the rubble to bury me. i want to take me with the rest. i want this life i could have never had, these walls i painted with love knowing it would fall.

i want to be free, trapped under all that never really was.