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JA Perkins Jun 19
.. likes tearing people down
with loose talk and harsh words -
Empathy tossed aside
by the misuse of nouns and verbs.
.. a twisted view of society
just bound to be seen and heard -
Everyone, sit tight
till every harsh word is slurred.
The Queen of the Night Life;
her brokenness - a crown.
Out-spokenness - a sword
that she just loves to swing around.
As for me, I'm just a jester;
my struggle - a comedic scene,
but she’s justified by anger
only entitled to the royal queen
JA Perkins Sep 2019
.. likes tearing people down
with loose talk and harsh words -
Empathy tossed aside
by the misuse of nouns and verbs.
.. a twisted view of society
just bound to be seen and heard -
Everyone, listen quietly
till every harsh word is slurred.
The Queen of the Night Life;
her brokenness - a crown.
Out-spokenness - a sword
that she just loves to swing around.
And me, I'm just a jester;
my struggle - a comedic scene,
but she’s justified by anger
only entitled to the royal queen.
Hurt people hurt people
JA Perkins May 2020
Day 1: not so bad.
Day 2: my body moves without permission.
Day 3: nope.
Day 4: took the bait.
Day 1: massive headache.  
Spat the bait out.
Day 2: not too bad.
Day 3: the toilet seat is so cold.
Day 4: Icy hot doesn't work.
Day 1:  kids are cool.
Not about what I gain,
but what I give.
JA Perkins Nov 2022
No strength to be assertive
on the city street,
No way to pull the curtain
when he goes to sleep
No way to know for certain
He'll have food to eat.
No comfort for the hurtin'
blisters on his feet.

Who can know the burden
of the man who lost it all?
Or the sharp edge of the sword
that sliced before his fall?
Who can pick him up when
he's a nervous wreck?
With his fingers in your face,
you can't remove his speck

Who can give him any hope?
he thinks he knows it all
Who can reach a restless man
when he builds his wall?

Like soothing a bawling baby
crying louder than you can speak
Traumatized by anticipation
because his faith is weak
He wants it all or nothing
Such a restless and hungry man
Overcome with shame and fear
of what he'll never understand.
I wish it weren't true
JA Perkins Mar 2021
Who would know the struggle?
The apocalyptic rubble..
So sick I'm seeing double
and I haven't had a drink.

Jarred by nightly terror
Scarred by trial and error
Acting on impulse because
I'm too afraid to think.
Please.. help
JA Perkins Jun 2020
Guess I'll settle
for the knock off,
tell everyone
I tried, and
throw my stones
into this ocean
till it decides to
change the tide.
Cop out probably
JA Perkins Sep 2019
Genuine like a child
Candid like an open book
Exotic like The Wild
Reassuring like a second look
My baby
JA Perkins Apr 2020
Don't let the dirt of despair
dull your shine, little diamond.
God's been good to you, too.  
Who said it was over?  
Who told you it'd always
be like this?
Who said you're a toxic person?
And how do they know?  
They don't.  
Shake those expectations.
Dance in the rain.
Shine in the dirt.
Do you, diamond.
Dopeless hope fiend
JA Perkins Jun 10
I don't have to know all
the places you've been
Or some love that fizzled
out way back when..
Just hold my hand
in the moonlight glow,
pull me close,
and kiss me slow..
Simple as that
JA Perkins Nov 2023
A wayward sheep strayed from the fold;
A selfish man whose heart's been sold;
A shell of what I should've been;
Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned.

A restless runner with a story untold;
A drifting dreamer out in the cold;
Lustful eyes that refuse to see;
Subdue me, Lord, that I may be free.

A desperate prayer from a fiery foxhole;
A foolish pursuit of pleasure and gold;
A broken man who dies and dies;
Reprove me, Lord, that I may be wise.

A marred jar in the Potter's mold;
I bit the hand that fed my soul;
I turned away and dug my grave;
Have mercy, Lord, that I may be saved.
Have mercy
JA Perkins Oct 2023
Cold winds rustle through
the Sleepy Town oaks
The whirling whispers
louder than the
Sleepy Town blokes
Candles in the windows -
the Sleepy Town hoax
for the town is long deserted
by the Sleepy Town folks
The echo of former laughter
from the Sleepy Town jokes
The Autumn fog appears as if
The Sleepy Town smokes
Rain recalls the memory,
as the Sleepy Town soaks,
of livelihood long forgotten
by those Sleepy Town folks..
Autumn
JA Perkins Oct 2021
The north wind blows to
bend the Sleepy Town oaks
The whirling whispers
louder than the
Sleepy Town folks
Candles in the windows -
the Sleepy Town hoax
for the town is long deserted
by the Sleepy Town blokes
The echo of former laughter
from the Sleepy Town jokes
The Autumn fog appears as if
The Sleepy Town smokes
Rain recalls the memory,
as the Sleepy Town soaks,
of liveliness forgotten
by those Sleepy Town folks..
JA Perkins Mar 2020
Somewhere in the sands of time,
I hear a faint and faithful cry -
the song of a wingless bird
singin' "love will never die".
But where has he gone now?
That candle in a hurricane.
The bird singing in the storm -
wings beating against the rain.
And what will he become
when his soul no longer sings?
When he makes a nest of thorns
and fills it up with shiny things.
-
He can't say he'll sing tomorrow -
Tomorrow might never come
And the only awful song
is a song that is never sung.
Life is lovely
JA Perkins Aug 2021
Now it's all an echo that
haunts my hollow heart
drowned by harsh words
spoken when it fell apart.
"I love you, babe", you said
and, then, I was so sure
that come hell or high water
love would always endure.
Now it's all gone..
Faded by foolish pride
Locked inside a memory
that haunts me day and night.  
But, inside, I still whisper
when I want to feel your touch
"You're my only person, babe,
and I love you soooo much."
I miss you
JA Perkins Oct 2023
Distant thunder roars
Maple branches surrender
to the gusting wind
---
A busy boy turns
toward the darkening clouds
waiting for the rain
JA Perkins Sep 2020
Caught up inside
a storm,
I whispered softly  
into the wind,
"Don't let the
lightening strike
me like it has with
all my friends."
The firstfruits of our
freedom trickled
down from
the oppressor.
I want, so badly,
to make it right,
but I just can't
in this kind of
weather.
Diary of an addict
in a dying world
JA Perkins May 2019
Gusts of warm wind blow
gracefully through oak branches
Distant thunder roars
-----
A busy boy turns
toward the darkening clouds
waiting for the rain
I love storms
JA Perkins Dec 2023
Worn boots pound
the broken sidewalk.
The pavement rolls
beneath my feet
And I'm scared to
think of anything,
but the cracks in
the cold concrete.

Kicking rocks to
keep from looking up.
I'll never be the same.
You could take my clothes
and, before I froze,
I'd feel no less ashamed

Still I chase the winter breeze
on passed the candle lit
windows and tall Oak trees..
And at the tail end
of the wind, I roam
where nowhere
feels like home..
It's cold out here
JA Perkins Jun 2020
Life was easy
when you were
around,
but I was slowly 
sinking d                        
               o                      
               w                    
                n..                
         Now it's hard,  
         but I'm healing.
I'm okay.
JA Perkins Aug 2019
He left a letter on the dresser
addressed to whom it may concern.
It read "Never falter under pressure
before the tides can take their turn.
Everything is dying -
The likes of man and all his pleasure.
From paper planes we're flying
to the wooden chests of treasure.
But one Truth will always stand
long after the last word here is spoken:
There's always been a heavenly hand
to heal the heart that's broken."
Some people live long lives,
Some people die long deaths
JA Perkins May 28
He cradled pieces
of poetry that
no longer
made much sense

He'd add a word,
here and there
or change some
misused tense

But from metaphors
forgotten to a flow
that slowed to still

the penman died
a lonely death
from all that
moved his quill

Beautiful words
from a dying man -
had he lived and
loved at all

but who will know or
care enough to brace
the penman's fall?
You write so beautifully -
your mind must be a
terrible place
JA Perkins Sep 2022
Faith really does
move mountains..
Jesus Christ really is King.
And the road that leads to
heaven really is paved in
hard suffering..
In all our search for knowledge
Some of us pass by
this simple truth:
that abiding is much more
the wiser than roaming
in some foolish pursuit..
We really were marred
by arrogance,
But Christ really did
come to restore..
His word isn't written
in the soft sinking sand,
but in stone forever more..
He really does call "whosoever"
And many really do turn away
But He really did come to seek
that which was lost
and bid them all to stay..
This world really is fading..
From the mountains to our
flesh and bone..
but for the abiding soul
that cannot be moved,
an open door beckons
them home..
JA Perkins Oct 2021
The same people
who told me
I'm only alive
when I'm winning
are the ones who
look for cracks
in my character.

And so I favor the meek -
Not the schemes of
their cold competition.

And the same
people who told
me I couldn't
survive in the
free world are
the ones in whom
my ******* would
prove most
rewarding.  

And so I learn wisdom and
suffering in separation
Be careful
JA Perkins Jul 2019
He stumbled to the edge of town
and fell into the water’s rough -
held all his breath while going down
till there was none to come back up.
Tragic turn of events
JA Perkins Oct 2023
He stumbled to
the edge of town
and fell into the
waters rough -
held all his breath
while going down
till there was none
to come back up
Tragic
JA Perkins May 2019
Worn-out photos lay
Scattered and without substance
Nagging memories
----
A half-hour till dawn
My wounded heart still bleeding
Stale remorse and tears
"This is a grief, and I must bear it."

Miss the old man.
JA Perkins Feb 9
Who would know the struggle?
The apocalyptic rubble..
So sick I'm seeing double
and I haven't had a drink.

Jarred by nightly terror
Scarred by trial and error
Acting on impulse because
I'm too afraid to think.
I'm asking
JA Perkins Aug 2021
No room for me
in that space you need..
So I fed my disgrace
with percocet and ****.
I've been ripped off before
and still haven't been paid,
but trading love for percocet
is the worst deal I've ever made.
It is what it is
JA Perkins Mar 2020
Drowning in the white
waters of his own rage,
He stared a vacant
stare that could never
give light - only drink it
like a barren desert
growing desperate
for a few drops of rain.

That kind of stare can
only look inward
toward the stinging
and distorted
memories -
never peering out into
the suger-coated  
sub-reality (the
monotonous practice
of model living) -
his vision obscured by
the traumatic scenes
of a nightmarish movie
playing in repetition -
bearing down on his
consciousness and
becoming all the more
vivid and consequential.

The contrast of her
soft-spokenness seems
to mock him - and so
he rages..
Seven years
JA Perkins Jul 2020
Weapons primed and ready;
Round the troops, sound the sirens.
Snipers, hold your rifle steady
for the battle of the irons.

Pride and Hatred take a stance.
Violence crouches - taking aim.
Never takes a second glance
before he fires across the plane.

She lies helpless in the street.
Shot down in violent fashion.
Pleading peace in her defeat.
The victim's name is Compassion.
Kids playing Cowboys and Indians
JA Perkins Sep 2020
I stood atop
a mountain;
beneath was
everything I am.
I grinned when
I felt the wind
and nodded to
my inner man..
No doubt I've
seen some troubles;
crevices etched
in my terrain
from the rushing
roar of rivers
brought by days
of relentless rain,
but these scars,
they tell the stories
of the storms
I've had to weather
and serve as a
reminder that
these storms
don't last forever..
Hang in there
JA Perkins Jun 2019
She had a
sailor's mouth,
pretty lips,
and lots of flaws
for me to fix.  

And she wore them
all in front of me
like a fur coat
with the collar up.
An addict for codependency
JA Perkins May 2019
We swore we'd run it
till the wheels fell off
and when they did,
(because they always do)
we concluded that bad things
happen to good people.

But we were wrong
and justifiably so -
for who could stand against
the arrogance of youth?

And now that the enamel has
long been worn from our teeth
and vibrance faded like the
hues of our hair, we stand corrected:
For each renders his own suffering.
Some to bring us up..
Some to tear us down,
but it's all for the good of things.  

It was given by God that a man
should suffer for his own actions,
but not for demise, cynical observer,
but that he should learn and become.
A contemplation
JA Perkins Oct 2023
You might see him walking
where the cold wind blows,
a troubled ol' boy
that no one knows..
He'll stumble through
a small, quiet town
talking under his breath
and looking down
Where he comes from
and where he goes,
I guess, depends where
the cold wind blows.

He leaves no footprint,
No hellos or goodbyes
with nary a hint of life
inside his empty, pale eyes
No one calls his name
but the crickets and crows
and the whispering pines
where the cold wind blows.

I hear tell of a time
before the cold winds blew
when that troubled ol' boy
knew all that he knew
He had a light in his eyes
and purpose in his step
with words well spoken
and his place well kept.
But we reap what we reap
from the seeds that we sow
Perhaps he's bound to roam
where the cold winds blow.
A path he knows
but never quite chose
JA Perkins May 2019
Dodging peopled places
and their stabbing stares;
bleeding fear and self hatred-
no one seems to care..

I bite my lip a little more
in every public place
hoping I can make it out alive
before they see my face.
I wasn’t always self-aware-
at least, not to the extent
of holding ransom every word
until I validate intent..

Who are you?..
Have you lost your mind?
No one believes you anymore
when you say "I'll be fine."
Afraid of looking in the mirror;
I’m just not the man I know.
Somehow, it seems I’ve traded
faces with my fiercest foe.

Who are you?
Have you been here before?
Just a couple thousand times-
perhaps a thousand more..
I want to run away-  
just as fast as I can run
from everything I've known or felt -
the broken man I have become.

Where will you go?
What will you do?
You can run away from them,
but you can't run from you..

Dodging peopled places
and their stabbing stares;
bleeding fear and self-hatred-
no one seems to care..
A painfully pitiful poem
JA Perkins Nov 2023
I think about you
from time to time,
admittedly more
often than not -
Making frail attempts
to sweep my thoughts
passed the place where
you carved a spot.
I hope you're happy now
and living well
I hope your mind
is quiet and free -
that your safe and warm
and your soul reborn
to be whoever
God calls you to be.
Love you dearly
JA Perkins Apr 2022
I guess it doesn't matter now..
All the tears I've ever cried..
Or all the times I lost my mind
when pieces of me would die.
But I just kept clinging as my
world came crashing down..
hugging your memory tighter
when I heard the crashing sound..
But I guess it doesn't matter now..
You're long gone and I'm alone -
my guts burning with torment
writing this poetry on my phone..
And who will ever cry for me
when you have better things to do?
The little girl who cries for boys
has long been gone from you..
Pitiful
JA Perkins Nov 2023
Snow accumulates
on foggy fire-lit windows
just before midnight
---
A tired fire dances
across the old wooden walls
while the children sleep
A peaceful thought
JA Perkins Dec 2020
A sheet of ice from the winter freeze,
Candle-lit windows, haunting trees,
Branches dancing in the subtle breeze.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

A distant light from the radio tower
Blinks on time in the late-night hour.
A star-scattered sky so still and sweet.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Redlights ahead, the road ending abrupt
Kicking rocks to keep from looking up.
Cracks in my soul like the cold concrete.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet

A man staggers in the streetlight glow.
He smiles because he knows that I know.
I nod and gaze down the familiar street
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Down by the oak trees and old ball park,
The hillside hidden by the dense dark,
I hear the rushing sound of Town Hill Creek.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.
Beautiful time of year
A sheet of ice from the winter freeze,
Candle-lit windows, haunting trees,
Branches dancing in the subtle breeze.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

A distant light from the radio tower
Blinks on time in the late-night hour.
A star-scattered sky so still and sweet.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Redlights ahead, road ending abrupt
Kicking rocks to keep from looking up.
Avoiding cracks in the cold concrete
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet

A man staggers in the streetlight glow.
He smiles because he knows that I know.
I nod and gaze down the familiar street
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Down by the oak trees and old ball park,
The hillside hidden by the dense dark,
I hear the rushing sound of Town Hill Creek.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.
Winter time
JA Perkins Dec 2
The warmth is worn  
from my memories
Just as it were from
my restless feet

And I'm afraid
to think of anything
but the cracks
in the cold concrete..

Still, I chase the
winter breeze on passed
the candlelit windows
and snow-capped trees.

And, my sail to the
winter winds, I roam,
till I find what feels
like coming home.
Seek and you will find
My sail to the
winter winds, I roam,
till I find what feels
like coming home
A quiet earth rolls
beneath my feet
JA Perkins May 2019
What a divided people -
like an eagle with wounded wings
lost in a consumer world
chasing shadows of silly things.
The downside of "prosperity"
and we're sliding down fast -
like every other puffed-up
political power in the past.
This is what it looks like to
have entirely too much -
ravaged in the heat of battle
with ghosts we can't see or touch..
Bathing in lavish luxury..
steeped to our necks with waste -
defending sinking sand castles and
casting stones through cyberspace.
The dawn of a new age and
everyone is entitled to an opinion.
Everybody and nobody's wrong,
and many words are ways of winning.
The implosion of a nation,
but it's all the government, right?
No need to blame consumers
fueling fires we claim to fight.
What a divided people -
like an eagle with wounded wings
lost in a consumer world
chasing shadows of worldly things.
A poem for perilous times

— The End —