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JA Perkins Feb 2024
Who would know the struggle?
The apocalyptic rubble..
So sick I'm seeing double
and I haven't had a drink.

Jarred by nightly terror
Scarred by trial and error
Acting on impulse because
I'm too afraid to think.
I'm asking
JA Perkins Aug 2021
No room for me
in that space you need..
So I fed my disgrace
with percocet and ****.
I've been ripped off before
and still haven't been paid,
but trading love for percocet
is the worst deal I've ever made.
It is what it is
JA Perkins Mar 2020
Drowning in the white
waters of his own rage,
He stared a vacant
stare that could never
give light - only drink it
like a barren desert
growing desperate
for a few drops of rain.

That kind of stare can
only look inward
toward the stinging
and distorted
memories -
never peering out into
the suger-coated  
sub-reality (the
monotonous practice
of model living) -
his vision obscured by
the traumatic scenes
of a nightmarish movie
playing in repetition -
bearing down on his
consciousness and
becoming all the more
vivid and consequential.

The contrast of her
soft-spokenness seems
to mock him - and so
he rages..
Seven years
JA Perkins Jul 2020
Weapons primed and ready;
Round the troops, sound the sirens.
Snipers, hold your rifle steady
for the battle of the irons.

Pride and Hatred take a stance.
Violence crouches - taking aim.
Never takes a second glance
before he fires across the plane.

She lies helpless in the street.
Shot down in violent fashion.
Pleading peace in her defeat.
The victim's name is Compassion.
Kids playing Cowboys and Indians
JA Perkins Sep 2020
I stood atop
a mountain;
beneath was
everything I am.
I grinned when
I felt the wind
and nodded to
my inner man..
No doubt I've
seen some troubles;
crevices etched
in my terrain
from the rushing
roar of rivers
brought by days
of relentless rain,
but these scars,
they tell the stories
of the storms
I've had to weather
and serve as a
reminder that
these storms
don't last forever..
Hang in there
JA Perkins Mar 3
Nobody grits their teeth in heaven
No sly looks or harsh words
No kids cover their ears
Till every harsh word is slurred
It's all friendly conversation
Every noun and every verb
No drinking, wrecking trucks
on slick roads with sharp curves
Nobody overdoses
Nobody gets bad dope
Nobody commits suicide
when memories steal their hope
There's no broken promises
No counterfeits or shady deals
No eviction notice because
you couldn't pay the bills
There's no dreaded phone calls
No **** or fake pills
Just a mansion with many rooms
And cattle on a thousand hills
The darkness never comes
Neither by sky nor in the eyes
of a childish heart turned sour
After one too many goodbyes
No souls that are crushed
beneath the weight of fear and shame
Just grateful bums and addicts
who found salvation in Jesus name.
Tell the dope man you can't make it
You have to attend a weddin'
Christ is coming for His bride and
Nobody grits their teeth in heaven.
A poem about addiction
JA Perkins Jun 2019
She had a
sailor's mouth,
pretty lips,
and lots of flaws
for me to fix.  

And she wore them
all in front of me
like a fur coat
with the collar up.
An addict for codependency
JA Perkins May 2019
We swore we'd run it
till the wheels fell off
and when they did,
(because they always do)
we concluded that bad things
happen to good people.

But we were wrong
and justifiably so -
for who could stand against
the arrogance of youth?

And now that the enamel has
long been worn from our teeth
and vibrance faded like the
hues of our hair, we stand corrected:
For each renders his own suffering.
Some to bring us up..
Some to tear us down,
but it's all for the good of things.  

It was given by God that a man
should suffer for his own actions,
but not for demise, cynical observer,
but that he should learn and become.
A contemplation
JA Perkins Oct 2023
You might see him walking
where the cold wind blows,
a troubled ol' boy
that no one knows..
He'll stumble through
a small, quiet town
talking under his breath
and looking down
Where he comes from
and where he goes,
I guess, depends where
the cold wind blows.

He leaves no footprint,
No hellos or goodbyes
with nary a hint of life
inside his empty, pale eyes
No one calls his name
but the crickets and crows
and the whispering pines
where the cold wind blows.

I hear tell of a time
before the cold winds blew
when that troubled ol' boy
knew all that he knew
He had a light in his eyes
and purpose in his step
with words well spoken
and his place well kept.
But we reap what we reap
from the seeds that we sow
Perhaps he's bound to roam
where the cold winds blow.
A path he knows
but never quite chose
JA Perkins May 2019
Dodging peopled places
and their stabbing stares;
bleeding fear and self hatred-
no one seems to care..

I bite my lip a little more
in every public place
hoping I can make it out alive
before they see my face.
I wasn’t always self-aware-
at least, not to the extent
of holding ransom every word
until I validate intent..

Who are you?..
Have you lost your mind?
No one believes you anymore
when you say "I'll be fine."
Afraid of looking in the mirror;
I’m just not the man I know.
Somehow, it seems I’ve traded
faces with my fiercest foe.

Who are you?
Have you been here before?
Just a couple thousand times-
perhaps a thousand more..
I want to run away-  
just as fast as I can run
from everything I've known or felt -
the broken man I have become.

Where will you go?
What will you do?
You can run away from them,
but you can't run from you..

Dodging peopled places
and their stabbing stares;
bleeding fear and self-hatred-
no one seems to care..
A painfully pitiful poem
JA Perkins Nov 2023
I think about you
from time to time,
admittedly more
often than not -
Making frail attempts
to sweep my thoughts
passed the place where
you carved a spot.
I hope you're happy now
and living well
I hope your mind
is quiet and free -
that your safe and warm
and your soul reborn
to be whoever
God calls you to be.
Love you dearly
JA Perkins Apr 2022
I guess it doesn't matter now..
All the tears I've ever cried..
Or all the times I lost my mind
when pieces of me would die.
But I just kept clinging as my
world came crashing down..
hugging your memory tighter
when I heard the crashing sound..
But I guess it doesn't matter now..
You're long gone and I'm alone -
my guts burning with torment
writing this poetry on my phone..
And who will ever cry for me
when you have better things to do?
The little girl who cries for boys
has long been gone from you..
Pitiful
JA Perkins Jan 1
Snow accumulates
on foggy fire-lit windows
just before midnight
---
A tired fire dances
across the old wooden walls
while the children sleep
A pleasant thought
JA Perkins Nov 2023
Snow accumulates
on foggy fire-lit windows
just before midnight
---
A tired fire dances
across the old wooden walls
while the children sleep
A peaceful thought
JA Perkins Dec 2020
A sheet of ice from the winter freeze,
Candle-lit windows, haunting trees,
Branches dancing in the subtle breeze.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

A distant light from the radio tower
Blinks on time in the late-night hour.
A star-scattered sky so still and sweet.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Redlights ahead, the road ending abrupt
Kicking rocks to keep from looking up.
Cracks in my soul like the cold concrete.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet

A man staggers in the streetlight glow.
He smiles because he knows that I know.
I nod and gaze down the familiar street
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Down by the oak trees and old ball park,
The hillside hidden by the dense dark,
I hear the rushing sound of Town Hill Creek.
A quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.
Beautiful time of year
JA Perkins Dec 2024
A sheet of ice from the winter freeze,
Candle-lit windows, haunting trees,
Branches dancing in the subtle breeze
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

A distant light from the radio tower
Blinks on time in the late-night hour.
A star-scattered sky so still and sweet
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Redlights ahead, road ending abrupt
Kicking rocks to keep from looking up.
Avoiding cracks in the cold concrete
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet

A man staggers in the streetlight glow.
He smiles because he knows that I know.
I nod and gaze down the familiar street
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.

Down by the oak trees and old ball park,
The hillside hidden by the dense dark,
I hear the rushing sound of Town Hill Creek
as a quiet earth rolls beneath my feet.
Winter time
JA Perkins Dec 2024
The warmth is worn  
from my memories
Just as it were from
my restless feet

And I'm afraid
to think of anything
but the cracks
in the cold concrete..

Still, I chase the
winter breeze on passed
the candlelit windows
and snow-capped trees.

And, my sail to the
winter winds, I roam,
till I find what feels
like coming home.
Seek and you will find
JA Perkins Dec 2024
My sail to the
winter winds, I roam,
till I find what feels
like coming home
A quiet earth rolls
beneath my feet
JA Perkins May 2019
What a divided people -
like an eagle with wounded wings
lost in a consumer world
chasing shadows of silly things.
The downside of "prosperity"
and we're sliding down fast -
like every other puffed-up
political power in the past.
This is what it looks like to
have entirely too much -
ravaged in the heat of battle
with ghosts we can't see or touch..
Bathing in lavish luxury..
steeped to our necks with waste -
defending sinking sand castles and
casting stones through cyberspace.
The dawn of a new age and
everyone is entitled to an opinion.
Everybody and nobody's wrong,
and many words are ways of winning.
The implosion of a nation,
but it's all the government, right?
No need to blame consumers
fueling fires we claim to fight.
What a divided people -
like an eagle with wounded wings
lost in a consumer world
chasing shadows of worldly things.
A poem for perilous times

— The End —