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She could say it if
she wanted
to but
the words would
carry no
weight behind them

like a cat shaking
the paw with
and not understanding
the real meaning
the gesture

so was her
“I love you.”

Enough to make an
old boy cry
but he
preferred suicide

Needless to say
her response
The deep ones all drown in a sea of uncertainty
while in the shallow pools vapid ones quickly find dry land
all this from a difference I dont understand
These young ones who are born alongside epiphany
yet long to hear deeper tones from the throats of their peers
will count away months with empty ears
The true ones are few just a dying breed rarity
you'll know when you see them wondering eyes open wide
with minds always hungry and spirit satisfied
 May 2019 JA Perkins
 May 2019 JA Perkins
Pages inked in memory of days which deserve no backward glance - no dwelling upon, no minutes added to their allocated twenty-four hours - except for the fact that I have breathed their air, lived their promise, and named them for myself.
‘What an odd thing a diary is: the things you omit are more important than those you put in.’
- Simone de Beauvoir, The Woman Destroyed
 May 2019 JA Perkins
Nessa dieR
I would run to your arms
Like no one ever will.
Now all that's left is my tiptoes
as to not wake up the only dream that still remains.
My heartbeat is finally louder  
than my own voice
Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.
 May 2019 JA Perkins
If I added up all my scars,
across my arms and over my hips,
I could stitch them up,
into untold stories and engrave them on my skin,
so everyone could see,
the vulnerability within.

If I spread my wounds across a canvas,
purple, blue, red, and other hues,
creeping on rippled fabric like stars in the night sky,
I’d create galaxies,
with craters, suns and moons,
constellations of healing wounds.
 May 2019 JA Perkins
I need someone to tell me that I'll be okay.
I feel like I'm drowning and spiralling and I'm losing everything.
I need someone to tell me I'm strong enough, because I'm breaking and I dont know what to do.
I need someone to tell me that it's okay to be me, and want different things in my life.

I just need someone
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