Alas… i am broken
I am insecure
I am clingy and needy
I am self destructive
I lack a will to live
I am damaged goods…
And one person is to blame
-i blame you-

i always thought youd come back to me
but it was me, who came back to you
i came back into your life
and the roles had reversed

you were no longer who i wanted,
and all you wanted was me

i told you no, i wasnt playing your games
this time i ghosted you
this time everything had changed

i remember all the dates, of when i starting liking you, when i loved you, when i was in love with you, the day you kissed me, the day you grabbed my hand, the day you surprised me

i guess i should start to remember the days i fell out of love, the days i wished youd kiss me and you didnt, the days all i needed was your hand and mine and you refused, the weeks you couldnt spare a moment of your time for me

i am not sure the love will fade, but i know it no longer envelopes me, you no longer make me feel safe, wanted, and cared for

how could i continue to be in love with you when i am not even sure you care about me, or want to talk to me, you make no effort for me

i guess there is no problem staying after falling out of love, as you were never in love anyway

I always thought you would come back to me
Like you always did
After every girl would break your heart, or you theirs
You'd call me up
And I'd welcome you with open arms

I always thought you would come back to me
Once you broke up
But when 6 months past and I never got a call
I realized it wasn't coming
But I still hoped for that call every night and every day

I always thought that you'd come back to me
But apparently
You aren't coming back this time

Sometimes i wish..
"Wish what?"
I wish that I was interesting enough to make you stay. Make you want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you. I just wish I could make you care about me like I care about you.
I just wish I was ******* enough.

-i wrote this a month before you declared your independence

I say I don't like you
         Try to convince myself the feelings are gone
Pretend to be okay with all of this

         Then I watch you run
Your fingers through your hair
         And my heart drops

Love was setting myself on fire
because you couldn't see

Love was drowning
so you didn't have to learn to swim

Love was tearing out my heart
because someone else broke yours

Love was sacrificing everything
so you didn't have to sacrifice anything

“I love you”
   “You benefit me right now”
“I love you”
   “You are a nice distraction from my own brain”
“I love you”
   “My girlfriend and i are fighting”
“I love you”
  "I will yell at you when you are wrong"
I guess love means something different to everyone?

"I'm really good at reading people"
Oh yeah? Can you tell when people fake smile?
"Yeah its all about the eyes"
      -i guess you never looked at mine

And when the late night phone calls
Stopped
I knew it was over
Long before
The words came out of your mouth

I've been thinking through every aspect of us
Thinking of everything I could have done differently
Every kiss, every hug, every touch
I should've done it more? Maybe less?

Should I have told you I loved you more? Less?
You say it is not my fault but I can not help but wonder
Is there something I could have done?
Something to make you stay?

You are so secure, and you take
Advantage of that security, making me
Even more insecure. You aren't scared that
Maybe I’lll realize how well off I
Could be without you… because you
Know how utterly and entirely I have fallen
For your stupid smile and your pretty eyes
You pretend, but don't feel it
And I could easily just leave, making it easier on myself
But I won’t
Because
I ******* love you

i want to be reincarnated as a sunflower
but a happy sunflower
one that just exists and thrives
something that has felt so hard for me
i want to be reincarnated as a sunflower

You are toxic
You are unstable
You drag me down
But for years that's the only way I saw my life turning out

i want things to be normal, but they never will be.
and i just want to cry, i wish you never kissed me.
i wish you would have never pretended to like me, or care for me
because i could see on your face today that you clearly never did.
i just wish you never would have tried to.
it hurts so bad that i am starting to wish i had listened to the people telling me not to talk to you, two years ago.
i wish i could go back in time and undo it all and i am sure you do too..