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 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
longing
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
it was too early to let go,
but was the sky—a hodgepodge of red, orange, and blue—
weeping for our permanent parting?
we were drowned in a swathe of starlight black
as if the moonlight cloaked us with invisible fabric?
we were there, i knew, but even my loudest shouts
was no match for your indifference.
our eyes, untrammeled even by the tempestuous winds,
gazing like rapiers through skin,
only vacillated by my innermost deluge.

in the nightfall, i see you outshining the sun,
but what am i then, a rock, a moon in the morning sky?
your gaze, resolute and unfaltering,
like a soldier facing a barrage of mercenaries.
i reach for you in my haze of thoughts,
only to be impeded by my wistful diffidence.
the mere thought of you electrify me—
a robot begging for every inch of shock.
you are my ardor through which my soul is replete,
a sharp pang as i wake up from my nocturnal reverie.

i am a monolith weathered by the voyage of time,
and in my days, crumble into specks of dust.
i'll get to you soon, however far it may be—
the earth, the sun—just as you breathe me in,
and only then will i truly leave.
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
there, it pierced my skin.
blood gushes out like fireworks in the night sky.
the pain gave me the life i've been longing.
years of existential dolor, culminating to this.

the sharp, searing pain.
demons in my brain—expunged at that moment.
sordid as you may call me, i have never felt more alive.
how much more is the blackout that follows this?

i want more of this.
the frissons of excitement that i feel in every drop.
i faint to the exhileration, but not before i smear
the tears of red on my face, the floor, my body.

i am now an effigy.
a mannequin, go burn me now and i'll cherish
every single moment of my flesh searing
as i languish in pain, but with a boisterous laugh!

i wanted pain.
life never gave me pleasure—the rapture of being alive.
all it gave me were the torment of misadventures.
i longed pain for so long, i'll savor every drop.

more. i yearn for more.
my visual blackouts are nearing, and the darkness—
it's waiting for me like a long lost brother, unseen.
i am ready to devote myself to a new life.

stop.
i don't want this.
nothing waits for me but an eternal darkness.
the void of which i'll spend the whole eternity.
it's too late.

i hear the door open.

my mom winces in shock.
she lets out a piercing shout
as painful as a bulldozer crushing me into splinters.

didn't you want this?
you've had a vehement yearning for liberation
for so long.
stop
you have no place in this world.
you are a nonentity in this world.
no i'm not
your life is nothing but an illusion.
mom, i'm sorry

the darkness envelops my vision into jet black.
i can no longer think.
what have i done
my brain is shutting down.
mom, i'm sorry

goodbye.

27/09/2018
“death everywhere, not age or ancient, just an infiltrated lack of life”

a puzzling, troubling line in a personal message,
instantly isolated for further review,
needy indeedy for a second medical opinion,
for it’s a description of two,
an actual place and a state of being

a place where death seems more commonplace,
not from agedness or honor,
but from a madness drunk from a special cocktail of
heat, guns and pseudo-rock stars, with beer chasers

imbibed by those who imagine themselves INRL  
in a movie genre of specialized urban cowboys,
subset horror flick,
self-appointed angels

part of a world view
so pervasive that it infiltrates the mental water supply
and modifies the pure children early on

demeaning existence, with a sense, a sendup,
life is unreal, cheap, so taking it-is ok,
justice delivered, for we angels,
are subset,
angels of death

in a country where
seven out of ten believe in angels,
and one in four confident that
the sun revolves around the Earth

look to blame
polluted water
the ever-overheated atmosphere,
bringing typhoon and storm,

I do not know

how be sun and water,
the essences, the originations of all life
today come to the planet days still
clear and warm,
yet can not infiltrate our personal mystery,
respire, re-spark the notion of the spirit,


the simple sanctity of life peculiarly human
call me by my other name
mystified momma

Almost
found a hope that prevails
reaching for me under a starlit tent
Almost
built a boat that sails
across all oceans as they bend
Almost
filled my book with tales
an anthology of moments I didn't attend

Almost
what a terrible word
holding such a stinging truth
Almost
felt like it's all worth the hurt
while wasting years of restless youth
Almost
called out and haven't been unheard
found something I couldn't lose


Almost
thought any path would get me there
where wholesomeness is not just hearsay
Almost
kept a fire in sight that brought me to where
I would find the light of day
Almost
made them proud of me, made them care
made them listen to what I had to say

And now
from where I stand
a lyrical sadness
paper in my hand
I know this is true
                                                            ­             I can almost see you
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
emnabee
The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.
A little escape from the madness.
Or maybe, into.
importantly find the key
the main thing is to find him finally
very important very necessary very
it is important as usual to find
this key you need to find it

but there were days and the wind was coming
and the keys were whether I had
I always went and went but from this
I just froze and stopped now
I can not walk anymore

I'm looking for an answer that used to be
I still have answers that used to be
who used to be with me I'm looking for answers
answers to noisy noisy wind
to the noisy noisy wind outside the window key

25.09.18
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
Amaris
Mom and Dad, I really have to thank you
After all, I did learn a lot over the years
Like how nothing you told me was true
And that you caused all of my fears

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words should never hurt me
I wasn't hit, nothing was thrown
You just made me feel like I was crazy

Do you know what you did was wrong?
Your expectations, consequences, all flawed
I try to channel my resentment into song
But you miss the point and just applaud
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
we were each other's sunlight
shining brightly upon each other
as we give each other
a touch of earthly warmth

we were two celestial bodies
bound together by each other's gravity
revolving about a mutual coordinate
moving in universal synchrony

but it looks like all our hydrogen
has ran out and we collapsed
into a white dwarf—dim light
no life, no soul, cold to the touch

we are running out of light
and you gave up on emitting yours
yet i force myself to keep on shining
like i'm milking stone, it's hopeless
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
the rhythmic crash
of the sea waves
as water trickles
beneath my feet
as it slowly washes
the sand on my skin
just before
it ebbs away
and then it flows
and then it ebbs
and then it flows
and then it ebbs
again and again
as i stood there
affixed to the moment
transfixed by the rhythm

and then, out of nowhere
it stopped
the tides have already
receded
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
acceptance
 Sep 2018 drakeishyes
red
i drift along
with the waves
as they ebb and flow
in night and day

i let the waves
carry me
as they take me to
my unknown fate

whether it is
paradise
or some unknown shore—
that, i don't know
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