I woke up from a nightmare
I could not stand to keep
to myself

you were stretched across the couch
coffee going cold on the table
a half finished cigarette
still burning

you wrapped me up
in kind words that
I could not bare
to hear

whispered into my ear
"one day we will go wandering
and this tiny house will overspill
with dreams'

you are not your memories, darling
you are not the bad things
that have been done to you
you are a fierce flame
that warms my heart

forget them, my love
they are nothing
and you, and you
are everything

lights flicker
in the distance
far far below

I’m here
looking down on it all
wrapped in a blanket
a book lies next to me
pages flipping themselves
in the cool summer breeze
inside are the sounds of life
outside are the sounds
of the questioning
the air is filled
with random notes
fluttering around me
like guardian angels
I know why they’re here

darkness
sat down
next to me
to keep me company
we look at the flickering lights
in the distance
he tells me
you’d do fine down there
if you wanted to
be a light
surrounded by light
but then he shifts his gaze
the moonlight
dancing through his being
but you’d do great
up there
be a light
where no one has dared to be
and with that
he left

you are more precious than you know
your ability to rip your flesh apart
pull the bleeding ***** with strength unimaginable to create an opening inside
just to push through to tend to the broken yet beautiful heart
that is covered in scarred tissue as a reminder for its desire for survival
to beat another day
to tend to the wounds that have been inflicted on it by others
which later followed by your own hands and words
forgiveness and tears are a gentle balm of healing
that cover the years of war spent viciously fighting among the cells of this fragile vessel
you are more courageous than you know
your willingness to confront agony, pain, and uncertainty
is worthy of recognition and praise
you amaze me
every.
****.
day.
even on the ones that haven’t been so kind to you
and leave bruises that linger and eventually change shades
this vessel is not familiar with gentleness
it has only understood roughness
and has often mistaken it for love
which you are now painfully discovering
but your beauty lies in what is unseen to the eye
it is found in your depths
your desire for authenticity and connection
connection with others
but more importantly
connection with yourself
a gentle one that allows you to be as you are
in the light
and in the dark

When beautiful things,
Or happy moments come your way,
Tell no one,
People tend to ruin them.
1/9/2021

He noticed that I hated avocados.
That I would push them to the
Edge of my plate of salad.
Every time I saw him he would ask, 

“Are you eating your avocados today?”
I would say, “maybe”.
Because, maybe they would taste better that day.

We played this game for 12 years.
On my 13th year I started to love avocados.
They became trendy.
I spread them on my toast,
They were the dip I loved the most!
But on my 13th year,
He wasn’t here
To ask about avocados.

our pupils widen to let in more light so that we can see something better, but
when we see people we love, our pupils widen to take more of them in,
to drink as much of their image into our eyes as possible

my eyes change to see more of you