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i'm afraid that
i'll have all the words
to a love poem in my head
but no one to give them to
i'm rereading my journal right now. i wrote this line on march 27, 2018 after having watched love, simon.

a hopeless romantic poet's biggest fear.
Everytime I see you
with your new
My heart aches because of you
and now I no longer have a value
Please resurrect me,
caress my brittle body,
help me become new.
here we are,
it's a dead end
and now there's no turning around.
we strayed from the path
and ended up here.
we realize that we've reached a cliff
and you can make this as clean
or as painful
as you like.
compulsively i jumped off
because it was the only way to find out what lied ahead.
but you clenched on to the edge so tightly
until you finally plummeted
because whatever it was you were holding on to
had already eroded.
I have a monster that lives under my bed
He whispers ugly stories about being dead
I shiver in my covers; eyes wide
As his claws tickle at my side

I have a beast that lives in my closet
Often I hear her groan and *****
I hide and pretend she's not there
But at night I hear her in my rocking chair

I have creatures that live in my walls
They scratch and whisper down the hall
I squeeze my eyes shut; afraid
While they chatter about making me their slave

We children have devils in our heads
They screamed, our eyes bled
We huddle and hide, wishing and praying
But of course, they claim they are staying
it was us
then it was me
who could have known?
how it would change
the way you
feel
the way we
were
it was a mistake
who could have known?
a punishment so severe
it's a life
taken
but not meant to be
I know i'm to blame
I know that's how you see
but you were there
the same
who could have known?
  not you
not me
this poem is about a tragic experience and how it ruined a relationship of mine, thank you for reading
i don't know
if i love you
as a man,
as a brother,
as a friend,
or as a human being
but i love you,
isn't that enough?

i don't know
if this love is
romantic,
platonic,
or even tragic
but i love you
and that's what matters.
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