I was young, gullible, naive
When you promised forever,
I believed you with everything

I fell ******* a flat surface
You said you'd fallen,
But you had a safety net

Now, I'm broken and alone
And you're perfectly fine
And hate who I am

in your head, you can still hear her screaming
in mine, i still hear the sound of his feet leaving
you can still picture the rage in her eyes
i can still remember the way his lips curved when he lied
late at night, you can still feel her touch
midday, i recall conversations where he said too much
you hear her in the way you talk
i see him in the way i walk

we’re just two broken people
with our history defining us
coming together, trying to regain
our ability to love and to trust

or maybe this is just a way
to numb the pain
maybe, just maybe
nothing’s changed
maybe, just maybe
it’s always going to be the same
we’ll fall to our graves
without ever learning the definition of sane
maybe, just maybe
this is all a game
*oh, this is all just a game

like hydrangeas,
you must allow yourself to bleed.
to fade from one truth
to another like from
blue to purple to pink.

today I wear my little pride,
under the skin of my chest,
trying to let today be as good as it can get,

my what seems to be worst fears,
I have gotten through today,
and I am off guard when his close friend comes over to me,

he tells me how he has not shut up about me all summer,
he tells me how he wants to know what's going on with me,
and I'm frozen because of the words someone who's barely my friend,

has just told me,
things that remind me that there are other things that scare me,
other things that really will hurt me,

and even though those things are really bad for me,
I cant help but keep hoping,
he will talk to me,

I

We played kick the can
Where the sidewalk cracked,
Ruptured by a cottonwood’s roots.  
Then winds from the canyon came rushing
Through the leaves of the tall cottonwoods
(I believed that sound was the sound
Of time rushing away),
And sent us home.

I paused on the front porch.
From across the street a faint mist drifted,  
Rainbird spray from Reservoir Park,
Chuff chuff chuff chuff
Chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff- chuff-chuff-chuff.
At the horizon beyond the park,
Jagged streaks of pink tapered into purplish dusk
Above the shrinking mirror of Great Salt Lake.

II

I entered the silent house
Where something strange was taking place.  
Darkness billowed from the living room couch.
Ink oozed from unlit lamps.
Shadows deformed familiar shapes:  
Chairs, an end table, a portrait, the piano,
A piece of driftwood from the Dead Sea.
I watched my hands flicker,
Merge into shade, dissolve.
I stood trying to grasp
What the darkness was doing.    

Then an engine hummed in the driveway,  
Tires crunching asphalt,
A car hummed into the garage. Voices.
The kitchen door opened.
The darkness retreated
Behind the sofa and beneath solid chairs.  
The simple shapes returned,
Pulled across a boundary into night
From a summer evening on University Street.

---

feral kittens chase about
up trees they run and play
leaving off their hunting
at the dawning of the day

born benieth a neighbor's house
as wild as a bird
just as free, you can see
but they are never heard

just weened they are still playful
as kittens always are
but they have just begun to roam
they will not go far

oops! the pair have seen me
as i sit and pray
crouched down low...
off they GO!
the babes have run away!


:) soulsurvivor
(C) 9/16/2015

the skies ebb and flow,

the unquenchable harmonics
of a lonely violin,

tenderness and flowers,
impressionism and ghosts,
layers of clouds rushing....

the brocades of the day
wrapping its skirts to
ankles that stride
like the wind.    

jealousy like
smouldering fire,
always wanting you
most.

I knew she was sad --
Not because there were
tears in her eyes
But because there were
Grey clouds in them
Swirling chaos in her mind
Thorns around her throat
Poison in her heart
And a tired smile
On her bleeding lips
And the love she knew
Never thought that
She's really that sad