pri - Hello Poetry

pri Dec 2018

she sings herself a lullaby at night,
weaving herself a thousand dreams.
she’s going to leave this place,
repeated over and over
-like a prayer on her chapped winter lips,
made to long dead gods.

she dreams at night that she is the sun,
and she holds her lover’s cold face in her hands,
pale eyes and a soft pale light tickling her cheeks.

she dreams that she is among the stars,
free from the evils that paralyzed her,
the hands that pulled her away from her dance;
beside the river and under the stars,
walking the path where stars the floated along a deep blue road.

among the stars,
where the world pulls her closer and closer
where every night becomes worthy
-every nights she slept with ink stained hands,
weary eyes,
tired hands that can barely pull her knotted hair away,
and frayed pajamas.
every night she wondered if the world wasn’t for her.

now she sleeps in her bed,
under a canopy of far away fairy lights,
in the milky moonlight
she whispers to herself another prayer
-the stars are watching over me.

to the dreamers (to myself)

#lullaby #night #moon #star #stars #dance #road #blue #deep #dream

pri Dec 2018

gone

gone, gone, gone
will you be gone tonight?
gone, gone gone,
will you be home tonight?

all the windows,
all they show is frost,
cloudy panes and soft street lights
are you coming home tonight?

the lights glow,
and i see shadows underneath,
me and you dancing in the lights,
under the boulevard at night

but you’re

gone, gone, gone
will you be gone tonight?
gone, gone gone,
will you be home tonight?

i stand alone at night,
no more streetlights,
just an empty bed,
an empty home

an empty home,
will you come home?
come home,
come home to me

gone, gone, gone
i’ll be gone tonight

gone, gone, gone
you’ll return tonight
only to find me gone
tonight

(song)

#song #gone #home #empty #light #dance #night #love

pri Dec 2018

anymore

if my life was all but a dream
it would be all but your dream,
your sweet melody-
soft piano keys and longing
they hit distant shores,
your shores

cold beaches
and colder nights,
warm fields,
warmer bodies close together
-that was our dream

but we-
we don’t dream anymore,
cold nights don’t become warm ones anymore,
i didn’t want to be with you anymore
anymore

i still write songs
they’re still for you,
they’re still dreams in my head,
taking your hand,
your shores in my head

if i love you was a promise
to you,
i love you was a dream,
for me,
it was only just a dream

but we-
we don’t dream anymore,
cold nights don’t become warm ones anymore,
i didn’t want to be with you anymore
anymore

but we-
we don’t dream anymore,
cold nights don’t become warm ones anymore,
i didn’t want to be with you anymore
anymore

i didn’t want to be with you anymore
(if my life was all but a dream)

cold nights aren’t so cold anymore
(it would be all but your dream)

we don’t dream anymore
(that wasn’t our dream anymore)

(song)

#anymore #shore #love #dream #cold #warm #stars #soft #longing

pri Dec 2018

when the leaves were barely red

your name echoes in my mind,
dancing-
on the windowpanes
where the rain falls,
drips down the cold glass,
making the world so bleary
-like waking up in the morning,
to the soft smell of warm chocolate.

the warm sweaters you wear,
they’re so unlike you-
-you, the girl who tells me three words when she’s afraid,
for me, the girl who can’t seem to float
and yet somehow i fly.
you’re all dark and softly-bright,
like cotton candy wisps and dark velvet necklace’s,
not warm burgundy and spiced hot chocolate.

one night, one fall night where the leaves were barely red,
i was afraid of you,
the way my skin turned to embers,
our shadows waving and flickering in the moonlight
yet now i cannot stop to wonder why the fire
turned to stone.

now i look into those eyes,
i see the sky laid about bare,
and my soul hanging by a thread in wonder,
hands touching.
you are the moon -going down in the sky,
giving birth to an easy morning in the country summers.
you are the stars, far points on light that call me home,
reach out to touch me from my place under you,
calling me to my dreams.

soft breaths against a soft cheek,
a warm head, with soft hairs mingling in your sweaters
-the way you lean over, no, not over,
but as if to cover mine keep it safe from the darkening sky and whirling leaves.
i am the lone girl under rattling metal rafters,
when they’ve all gone home,
and i,
standing alone in the dark wondering about you
am still under the rafters of a place that isn’t home.

#leaves #red #morning #crush #girl #glass #winter #dance #velvet #fall

pri Nov 2018

when it crumbles

i am falling apart.
i sit alone, with torn garments i can’t bear to throw away,
wonder about a life -more like a pipe dream,
when in reality when we try, we are the type they write sad piano odds about.

i say goodbye,
pulling my sweater close to my chest shivering by the door,
and picture us in a warm place, surrounded by people offering us hands,
dancers moving around us, soft and slower.

whispered words, becoming us.
but i can’t whisper to you, because my voice comes out in screams,
yet all i hear is an orchestra the rest of us could never afford,
only dream of.

we try so hard,
and by the time we’re at the top -we shall be,
i think i’ll have lost you,
to the vines that break the soft stones in the sun.

do lovers, the ones who have love,
that seems as if it’s boundless,
in death that makes it timeless,
live in time, or do they ascend to the stars?

will it ever be that the last time becomes the first time,
as each touch becomes more intense,
because each touch is so much closer to the last time,
when i know you’ll fall into a future you hate.

lingering fingers,
pressed against your soft skin,
who’s soft skin?
hers, hers, hers?

fingers that press with more and more urgency,
arms that wrap tighter and become more frail,
eyes veiled with more and more sadness,
our love could fall to ruins.

inspired by james bond, bad dreams, sufjan stevens, crushes, adele, love, dreams, and some other crap. yes i write poetry and watch spy movies don't ask.

#love #crush #dream #death #song #star #sun #dying #fragments #shatter

Nov 2018

ethan

closeted

when i was a freshman one of my friends told me that there was a girl who was talking about me
asking why i was pretending to be straight and that everyone could tell that i was gay
my friends and i laughed it off like children and i quipped “i’m not pretending anything, just ask anyone and they’ll know”

now, i think of the rainbow socks, the only thing i own with a rainbow on it, being shoved down to the bottom of my sock drawer as if it would pop out at any minute and proclaim it’s existence if it were any higher. now, i think of the rainbow highlight that i applies in the bathroom at midnight, pausing every now and again to make sure i was alone. Now, i think of the pride nail art that i scrubbed off my nails minutes after i painted it on. now, i think of the last word in a poem that i wrote and turned in, scared i was being too obvious with the word they.

now, i think of the horrible creature sitting in my chest that simultaneously begs to never tell my secrets and to also scream them from the roof tops. i think of the sludge that lives in me and climbs up my throat, whispering safety into my ear while also ripping apart everything it touches. i think of the pain i feel whenever i say that i’m gay, because it makes things easier if the works sees me as a girl who loves other girls.

before thinking of this poem i had sat back and wondered how many bottles it would take of the various prescription medicines that my parents kept in the kitchen cabinet to **** me. when i remembered the name they would put on the tombstone i stopped and walked away. i remember the time where i couldn’t walk away and i had reached in and grabbed a full bottle of ibuprofen and i took a single one, hoping that my screaming head could be sated by the feeling of a single pill crawling down my throat.

i had a dream last night about someone called addison.
they looked me in the eyes and before i even knew what they looked like their physical form flickered until they were a bright shining star in a vaguely human form.

they sat next to me as we floated in a void on a picnic blanket and they put their arm around my shoulder which felt like a hug from someone i used to know but had forgotten
i stared at their glasses that looked too much like mine as they flickered in and out of existence and they told me i was not where i was supposed to be.

i didnt ask them where but they heard it anyways as if breaking into my thoughts. they answered that they could not tell me and when i thought why they said they didn’t want to spoil the fun of a brighter future for them and me.

i woke up with the taste of lavender on my tongue and the desire to change my name.

i’m not sure who i want to be

#trans #transgender #nonbinary #closeted #dysphoria