I wish I was bullet-proof

Walls all up
Open your eyes
See
the
grey

There's nowhere to go
Not anymore
There's no one calling for you
Not even a whisper*

Does that not feel
Like freedom?

Darling,
It was your eyes

The ones that decorated
Everything you wore

Kohl-lined
Coal coloured

Blue
Green

Vivid

Beautiful

It was your eyes all along

I wish I'd ripped them off my walls
**Wish I could

Hey, I miss you
How've you been
I've been missing you like crazy
It was my birthday recently
And you didn't call
Then again, I've never called you up
On your birthday either
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you
Where have you been
What've you been upto
Any new people that I should know about
I wish that our relationship was that easy
Gods, if only it were

I punch at these walls, till my knuckles
Are bruised, the nerves below straining
The skin peeling, my hands stinging
I want to punch them till they fall
And you can see the things that make me Me
I wish I could reveal my scars to you
I wish I knew for certain you wouldn't
Never, ever, would you, give them away
To anyone else, laugh about them
Don't hear me, don't see the tears
Pooling in my eyes

All I want to do is let you know
How much I really treasure
Your companionship, your warmth
Your sardonic comments, thorny opinions
That let me know you care
How can anything be perfect if you aren't here
I ignore perfection, hoping to be content
With mediocrity instead
Why aren't you here? Right here
Where I need you, when I need you

It has been ages since we met
I am forgetting your eyes, your smile
I really want to sit next to you
Listen to you talk the night away
About trivialities, then a little while
Later, I want to tell you about school
That horrible ***** who was mean to me
Tell you how betrayed I feel
How lonely I really am
How these walls defeat me each time

As I blink away my tears,
My voice hitches
I can imagine you patting me on my back
Politely, nicely
Saying that it'll be fine, it is only a matter
Of a few more years, that I should remain strong
If you knew how I looked up to you,
Would you be scared?
Don't be, please just don't be

You live a thousand miles away
There's no way you can let me down
You can't let me down
Which is why I trust in your image
Not you, your image
I wish I could share my cynicism
With the person built up in your image
Have them react as I imagine them to

Maybe, they'll lean over for a hug or two
But it won't matter because it'll never be true
The walls will stay up
Despite my punches and if I told them to anyone
They'd just feel awkward knowing someone
Stripped of their barriers
They'd take advantage, laugh it off
Laugh me, my troubles off as
The ramblings of a fool,
An Anonymous Joker

I wish for your reflection in a mirror,
The person built up in your image
Wish I could tell you of the dark
Dark thoughts that linger
Sometimes past nighttime
Talking about crimson dreams
Blades, knives and high buildings
I wish I could confide in you
And I'd gain strength from
Your confidence in me
Telling me dawn will come soon
I wish I could call you up at three
Desperately gasp out whichever nightmare
Woke me up this time

Yet I make do with rubbing my face
Nearly peeling the skin off
With cold water and soap
I rub at my eyes frantically
Waiting for the tears to stop
I avoid looking in the mirrors
Avoid seeing my reflection,
Which features in most of my nightmares

I just wish I could talk to you
A mirror image of you
Quietly, silently
Maybe just a sentence or two from you
It would calm me down
Lord knows, one sentence said by you
Left running in my head
For over half a year,
Gave me inspiration, strength
To live on, fight on, keep smiling
Through the day, everyday
People looking at me and wondering
Whether I'd heard about the latest
Hot gossip about me, questioning
My ideals, my morals, my goals
I wish, I wish, I wish

But it's alright
I'll be strong
I'll converse with my mirror image,
My reflection till you return
Give me another phrase to gain from
(I sound needy, don't I?)
I'll talk to it quietly because I know
Despite the blurred outline,
Sharp edges, and little cracks
My reflection understands more about me
My inner desires, than I do
An anonymous reflection
For an anonymous personality
Can there be anything more justifiable?

A tired looking lady
With eyebags
Crumpled, wrinkled clothes
That are too big for her
Disguise whatever
Little curves remain
Her eyes
Dull
Black

She is drenched
Striding inside
Without a care
Like she belongs
In her shabby, shabby clothes
With her hair
A complete mess

She is soaked through and through
The thunder roars again
Muted due to the glass and steel walls
She walks in
A tiny spark
A flash of something
In her dull, dull eyes

People gossip
About perhaps an affair
A failed marriage
A mental breakdown
For one of those reasons
Maybe all of them

Generally, she comes
In the subway
Very particular
About umbrellas too
Today, she carries none
Little Miss Particular

She walks into
The manager's office
A letter neatly typed out
Black and white
Shielded by her brown
Worn coat
Three sizes too big

She has been working
For seven years at the firm
She puts it on the table
Says a polite, 'Thank you,
But I cannot do this anymore.'

And, she is out
Onto the streets
Her eyes
Still dull
A lady with crazy hair
The rain pelts down
As she disappears
Into the fog

Nowhere to call a home
Never a place to call shelter
Just a temporary sanctuary
Gradually being washed away
By the advent of time
And relationships
On the side of crossroads,
You'd miss it if you weren't looking

Plants break free of its walls,
Tearing it into pieces,
Reducing it to ruins
That is where my love used to be
Where it used to exist
The bottom cellar is where my heart
Used to beat, scream out it's
Intentions for the world to hear
Where I once knew that love existed

Now, those same walls have fallen
Ruined, the stones are chipped
Holes mar the surface
And if you ever step inside,
You'd see a great big emptiness
A muskiness in the air
Speaking about what used to be
Cobwebs line the ceilings
The floors, unsteady and weak

A little bit of sunlight filters through
Providing enough light to make out figures
A sadness sets in, a weariness
Felt through your bones
Dampness causes the wood to decay
A drop falling every now and then
Startling with its loudness,
Makes a puddle on the floor
That steadily trickles down
To what lies below

A despondent house, called haunted
By people passing, who happen to see it.
No one goes in, no one steps in
It remains abandoned, cutting an
Intimidating, haunting figure where it
Stands unnoticed, beside the crossroads
Unmentionable, unnoticeable
If you didn't know it was there,
Your eyes would pass it by

Keep the fame
Keep the glory
But pass over the mike
And let me be heard
Over the din of chaos
The marching boots
The crying voices
Breaking headlines
And singers warbling about love
Let me be heard
For I am the Person
Who in complete anonymity thrives
Lives without the spotlight
The glamour, the money
Another face among a billion
Nothing too eye-catching
But pass over the mike
It is time for the Person
To be heard
Over the loudness of anonymity.

Drowning in cake
and strawberry
smoothies Ah,
what a
l
o
v
e
l
y
way to go

I sit here
Desperately soaking up
Whatever information I can find
I can dig up
I know that I am not meant
To be doing this right here, right now
Yet I continue
I hope that I can take in all of this
That I can find whatever
Little bit
That will help to stop the slight shake
Take away the coldness
Of my fingers

In desperation, I look up similar incidents
That have occurred and I try
To figure out
If there is any end to this sheer insanity
A reason for which
This cursed world doesn't deserve
To end tomorrow

I search, I search, I surf
Trying to find some information
That tells me this world
Is not as cursed as it appears to be
My fingers are still cold
They're still shaking a bit
I am still shocked
I might just be panicking a bit

All I want right now
Is some solution
Some answer
To these rapes that have occurred
I want to be blind again
I don't want to know
That these dumbfoolishdisgusting
men (creatures) felt that that woman deserved it

I need to know that this isn't some god-complex
I need to know that deep inside no one wants to protect them
I want to see them castrated, locked up, executed
I need them to be done away
Because they need to be made an example of

Women cannot step out of their houses
Without being terrified
I am tired of controlling my fist
When someone suggests it was the clothes they wore
That that is what attracted them
I can't stop the shaking
That is attributed more towards anger
Than anything else

I need something done
Our pity won't bring her shattered sanity back
It won't make her ready to trust
Any man ever again
Our pity marches
With candles and tears in our (her) eyes
Will not make her feel anything but
disgust (hatred)
Towards herself

A shattered mind,
An injured body,
A broken trust

She has lost these things
And they
They just seem bent
On blaming it
On scraps of cloth

*(are you ******* kidding me?)