If I could scream your
perfect **** out of my brain
I'd do it nightly,

or every morning
right before brushing my teeth
[or probably not].

Lay in your textures;
I'd live on a seat of noise.
Quiet to myself.

The scrutiny is toxic,
it builds up like tar in her weakened lungs
she can't breathe
when everyone else steals the air right from her
and replaces the purity with rotten words that make her blood curdle
the scrutiny is toxic
she tries to brush it off
but it won't work
she can't breathe
please stop the scrutiny

Falling in half love
With everyone I meet,
Scared to go in past my feet.
Afraid to open up
Hesitate to divulge the feelings
That hang as painful cliches
But hurt just the same
as if they were open wounds
I still wonder what healing is like for you.

Or if you even had to.

I'm not sure I'm even sad anymore by the technical definition of the word-
I think I just am tired of waking up to the same smells, the same sounds, the same loneliness that has become my best friend-

They say you get addicted to a certain type of sadness, but that could be just a lyric in a song I heard once-
I find myself dismissing the ideas of sunshine and wishing for the rain-
I find myself driving across state lines tossing my cell out the window and letting my darker than normal hair fly in the wind as I drive with no end goals-

I am sure I'm not sad anymore I just hate routine and want to disappear for a while-
My doctor wants to put me on anti-depressants but I flipped him off and screamed anarchy as I walked out that door-

One day I'll have the courage to say goodbye to everything I've ever known-
I'll color my hair and wear tight pants because I can do what I want-
I'll drink midori sours in the morning and sleep in my car-

My doctor called me reckless and insane -
My parents called me immature and needed to grow up-
My friends told me I'm depressed and keep trying to reassure me I won't die alone-
I say I don't give a **** anymore; let the wild take me and set me free-

*** is realizing how much you need every part of one person, and then giving it to each other.
My body forms under your hands
and I am sculpted in this very moment.
Created by the fire you blow into me.

"pain is crawling all over my body, consuming me until there's nothing left. nothing but me reminiscing in the past where I was happy."

maybe it's the weather
maybe it's because i'm turning a year older
but whatever it is, there is something
that gobbles me up from inside
and my bones get weaker and
my chest feels heavy and
i want to die

sunday to sunday i crawl to cling on to life
and i scrape my knees on the sidewalk
i think of tiny things that could possibly
change my tainted view of living,
i think about you.

Deafened am I, by the screeches of familiarity

for here I am, a man
a woman, a girl, a boy,
silent are your cries for change,
deaf am I to the monotonous yelling
you want change. I have changed
details, insubstantial, minuscule,
deaf to your judgement and lies
unable to hear your disappointment
I cannot hear your subtle cues
your doubt and leading questions
I cannot bear your curiosity
searching for what you’ve missed
missing your oblivious admirer
I am no longer she

Heavy eyes and unspoken lullabies were familiar to me

Now, I never truly wished for your demise but the thought just came to me

If you were able to walk away from what we had without a single regret

Why wasn't I given the ability to pretend we had never met?

Unfairness was a common theme in our problematic little fling

And you were the one to pick a fight over every little thing

And I never wished for someone more muscular or tall

But I cannot love a man that loves to bang his head against the wall.