I remember a moment in time where I felt

And so deeply, so horrifyingly deep like the vastness of space

That you were the solution to my existential problem of my existence in a world I didn’t particularly want to be a part of

Remembering the way you made me feel  

That after a life of wondering  

I had found a place to call home

It wasn’t the four walls, the driveway or the yard

No, I found my home at 3:30 in the morning stumbling over you in the dark

Opening the bedroom door to the hallway slowly

As to not wake you up as the light shined off your face

And I could see, for the first time

While I stood there staring at you, sleeping

Tucked into my bed wrapped in fuzzy blankets from your youth

It was probably only a second but to me it felt like an eternity

I could only find the ability to deeply exhale in a moment of pure bliss

Watching you crinkle your face slightly as the light hit you.

You didn’t stir

But something in me did

Something inside me awoke for the first time since the last time years ago

When I had you in my bed, doing the same thing I was then.

I don’t know what I thought I'd feel

I think part of me hoped nothing would have changed

That the love I had for you stood stronger than the test of time

That all that time I spent talking to you in my mirror

Would be worth it, and I wouldn’t have been crazy

It’s funny

Funny the way life works out

Because now

When I wake up, I find myself reaching out

To nothing

There’s always a moment, even if just a second

Where I think, maybe I'll wake up from this and you’ll be there

You tend to come in and out of my life

But when you come back

You seem to be the alarm clock that breaks the silence of my mind

And bring me back to the real world

But I’m starting to believe

That maybe I’ve always been awake

You are only a dream.

I wake up
with you on my lips,
but it's only your name
and not your kiss.

I dreamt of you,
and I can’t get back
to our unconscious innocence.
I wish we had not woken.

The crack lets the light in.
Pitiless beams expose my lies,
and reveal your absence.
Regret is making coffee in the kitchen.

I grip your hand as I cling on for dear life,
Our life has just begun,
But it’s time to wake up.

I cling onto you as I feel your invisible breath on my neck,
I’m trying to get the most of you,
But my breathing is getting heavier.

I finally open my eyes,
Just wishing you were truly there,
Right next to me.

the sunlight
finds my
face

and I no
longer
can sleep

how rude
is the
sun

to force
me
to wake

a rowdy
child
tugging at me

so I can
come and play
with them

The salted whispers
Run through me,
As I dream of the
Inevitable gore,
Of my fears.
That flood
My mind.

brief echoes of the past
arrange themselves in my present
like shadow puppets on the backs
of my eyelids while i sleep.  

there is an uneven fulcrum
digging into my lower back no
matter how i turn my long
body.

my eyes open into
the same familiar room, with
the same familiar speckles on the
ceiling that they always do.   the
shadows resume their innumerable
forms and i wake
to write another step towards
the beveled edge of immortality.