Ive been gone.
A long awaited freedom.
Gone for so long.
Ive been gone.
For too long,
Ive been gone.

In my memories,
A past lingers in a haze.
The spaces so divided,
A connection seemingly quixotic.

Its cloudy.
Its dark.
A moment in space.

It feels like an eternity.
Floating in a universe with possible impossibilities.
Yet I remain aimlessly afloat,
enshrouded in nothing.

No drift
No serendipity
No clemency
To pull me from this cold idle.

And when I see a comet hurdling by,
I can only wish to share its great journey.

I remember a moment in time where I felt

And so deeply, so horrifyingly deep like the vastness of space

That you were the solution to my existential problem of my existence in a world I didn’t particularly want to be a part of

Remembering the way you made me feel  

That after a life of wondering  

I had found a place to call home

It wasn’t the four walls, the driveway or the yard

No, I found my home at 3:30 in the morning stumbling over you in the dark

Opening the bedroom door to the hallway slowly

As to not wake you up as the light shined off your face

And I could see, for the first time

While I stood there staring at you, sleeping

Tucked into my bed wrapped in fuzzy blankets from your youth

It was probably only a second but to me it felt like an eternity

I could only find the ability to deeply exhale in a moment of pure bliss

Watching you crinkle your face slightly as the light hit you.

You didn’t stir

But something in me did

Something inside me awoke for the first time since the last time years ago

When I had you in my bed, doing the same thing I was then.

I don’t know what I thought I'd feel

I think part of me hoped nothing would have changed

That the love I had for you stood stronger than the test of time

That all that time I spent talking to you in my mirror

Would be worth it, and I wouldn’t have been crazy

It’s funny

Funny the way life works out

Because now

When I wake up, I find myself reaching out

To nothing

There’s always a moment, even if just a second

Where I think, maybe I'll wake up from this and you’ll be there

You tend to come in and out of my life

But when you come back

You seem to be the alarm clock that breaks the silence of my mind

And bring me back to the real world

But I’m starting to believe

That maybe I’ve always been awake

You are only a dream.

I wake up
with you on my lips,
but it's only your name
and not your kiss.

I dreamt of you,
and I can’t get back
to our unconscious innocence.
I wish we had not woken.

The crack lets the light in.
Pitiless beams expose my lies,
and reveal your absence.
Regret is making coffee in the kitchen.

the sunlight
finds my
face

and I no
longer
can sleep

how rude
is the
sun

to force
me
to wake

a rowdy
child
tugging at me

so I can
come and play
with them