Every day, without fail
My heart beats for you, but to no avail
Youve never looked my way, never cared
Always worried about the way other people stare
So I sit in the back of the room
Broken, dying, vying to be with you
The lights are dimming on the outskirts of my vision
Why was I the one given this mission?
I take out my anger and saddness in ways
That honestly no one would be able to name
I cry in bathrooms, pound on walls
Scream in silence, drown them all
All the feelings I felt for you
Died fighting for breath in the pool that is you
So I sit in silence at the back of the room
Numb to it all, unknown to you
Its funny (not really) how emotions work
That as soon as you notice me, ive already been hurt
Your feelings for me are unreceprocated now
Well, it ***** to be you, feel my pain now.

To whomever is the next unlucky boy to momentarily fall in love with me,
     You should know, that when I fall, I do not simply slip down a step on the stairs. I plunge into the depths of the ocean, sink to the bottom of the mariana trench.
     I will relinquish my heart, body, and soul to you. Whether you reciprocate or not, I will give myself to you completely, let you see my soft spots and my rough patches, the lines around my eyes and the fat on my thighs, the scars on my wrist and the hair on my arms.
     You will give me an inch in return for my mile, but it will be the most precious inch I have ever seen.
     I will say I love you too soon, but I will mean it with every fiber of my being.
     When you lie through your teeth I will believe you, because you will have told me that you will not lie. I will always believe you.
     For a few months everything will be perfect. Then I will try to formally gift you my soul, unpatch it to show you my all. You will look at it with pity, refuse to meet my eyes for a week. Eventually, I will find it buried in the trash, between moldy red apples and an empty box.
     You will say that you love me. I will quietly beg you to show me, to prove yourself. You will pretend not to hear, and I will believe it is my fault for screaming so loud that you went deaf. You will silently agree.

To the next unlucky boy who briefly falls in love with me,
     You will say that you've fallen out of love.
     I will cry,
     say I hate you, I will never speak to you again.
     Sometimes we will pass each other, I will do my best to avoid it, but I will look you in the eyes. For a moment I will feel the chords between us that I cut connect again. I will have to cut them again.
     I will tell myself I do not love you, that I never did,
     But I will never stop.

I have a collection full of every unlucky boy who has ever had the misfortune of falling in love with me. If I was to fall off a building  like humpty dumpty you would see their names are tattooed on the grey matter inside my skull, engraved on every bone in my body. My body will move on, but the memory will never leave me.

His skin is peeling away from the structure of his face the fire burns so hot he will never be recognized as him again I don't know why they bothered to re cremate him when by the end he was already a burnt out husk anyways.
2 a.m on Friday the 13th his tires slid and he wrapped himself around a tree something ignited and it's clear he never had a chance from the beginning
I thought he was careful.
I see his bloodcurdling screams on a movie screen in my head the soundwaves look like never coming home except in a box with a flag handed to his two sons I think the irony is that he made it through the war and not down the highway.
I thought he was careful.
I sat in the 4th row and couldn't stop staring at a beautiful blue box it held this man bigger than life inside of it everybody is crying around me and I just want him to hug me again but i feel so selfish as if his sons don't want that too.
I thought he was careful.
Everynight on the back of my eyelids they replay the crash I never saw but can only imagine in full color surround sound I could almost feel the seismic impact his death left on the world when the tree did not give way and I hope that you were lucky enough to get into heaven but I've got to say that burning up on Friday the 13th doesn't sound very lucky to me.

Now I know about
How cruel you are life
Please
            Let
                   Me
                          Die
The pain is only think I felt
Disappointed with everything
I
  Just
          Want
                     To
                           Die
I had enough, can't hold more
Death will be my salvation
So
      Let
             Me
                    Die.