As years faded by
I was in-denial I was living a lie
swallowed by my own false identity
by burying reality deep inside
more high than sober
living in a nightmare that is never over
with everyday, my senses fade
and I complacently follow into your malicious games
losing touch of why I stay
constantly confused of who I am underneath my name
told myself every night this is real
but when walking during the day I am filled with shame
I'm not an object for you to steal
layers of your delusions
I'm trying to peel
all my colors, you have concealed
even though I am now miles away
I'm still trying to remember how to feel.

-a.t

Scittering across the forest floor,
My thoughts dance,
and twirl.

Trailing down your skin,
With lovely touches.
I am not good enough.

I want to hurt you,
Hurt myself,
Let myself ******* fall.

I wonder what it would be like if you watched the whole thing.

darling its been a minute
and ive left you love notes in your ears
but i cant stop sobbing
and these minutes feel like years

i think im unhealthy
and ive been blaming everyone but you
i can't say this correctly
while saying i love you too

im sorry

You say I am beautiful
Scars and everything
But
Do you mean the scars that litter my body
Or the scars that litter my mind
My heart
My Soul

Oh, baby
If you knew
How the scars came to be
Would I still be beautiful to you?

i am the architect of my own demolition.
i know what ive done, but i will not admit
that i am the cause.
i know that by admitting it,
i will never be able to live with myself.
so with that,
i choose to blatantly ignore
all evidence you throw at me.
i will ignore my own head,
yet alone
the thoughts that rage in yours.

but the funny thing is,
my head will forever be louder
than the words you continue to yell at me.
my head is equivalent to
the loud static of a broken television;
only not able to be turned off.
i am saving myself from my own destruction.
but at the same time
i am creating more for you.

you are the rug i sweep all my actions under.
you are the jar i hide all my confessions in.
for i am a monster,
a monster only seen
when i look into the mirror.
you are my mirror.