Can I just ******* bury my head in the sand?
Go out and cry in the rain?
Stay until I or the world passes by
And washes away all the pain?
Could I just ******* belong to this world of ours
Without changing my soul?
There's nowhere for me,
I'm dying to see.
Frankly I'm out of control.

I had a dream.
You lay in front of me.
Things were out of our hands.
You were gone.
I couldn't stop it.
You just...
Vanished.
Gone forever.

I wake up,
And claw
The silver space
On the bed where you usually are.
And when I feel nothing but the sheets,
That's when the tears start to fall.

I feel it moving within
Not sure what it is yet
My heart flutters then beats harder
The fine hair upon alabaster flesh rises

I pace back and forth across the room
Nothing heard but the thump of my heartbeat in my ear
I don't understand what is going on
With every pace I get edgier

Devilish green eyes sparkle beneath scarlett lashes
Suddenly noise breaks through
Dishes breaking, pans clanking
The yelling overtaking it all

Heart pounds faster as my pace increases
I feel like I might break into a run
Each scream makes me cringe
Fists clench

Looking down blood coats my palms
Realizing my nails broke through the skin
Images flash through my mind
Fire, explosions, screams,

I run from the noise below
Feet hit the stairs faster and faster
My blood feels hot
Skin flushed, film of sweat across my brow

I try the calming exercises
Singing between bursts of pacing again
Deep breaths in slow out
Trying to fight it

Yet the fuel feeds the monster
Redheaded monster as I call it
Parents continue their tirade
They don't care what it does to me

I feel it surging forward
Reaching my inner sanctum
Pinching my thigh hard trying to fight it off
Knowing it is futile to fight

Inhaling a deep breath
It surges through me
Blood boils
A noise escapes parted lips

Guttural, filled with pain, resignation, and pure RAGE!
Hands grasp anything they can
Ripping, pulling, tearing
Kicking, stomping, jumping

Screams fill the room as the rage continues to unleash
Why do they do this?
They know it sets me off
Unglues me

Luckily this room is filled with things that are meant for this
My explosions had come less frequent but more volatile
I knew I had to get control
Right now wasn't going to happen

Rage consumes me
Surging like a tidal wave
When triggered I explode
Just like a nuclear bomb

My arms and legs tire
I am weak from the tirade
Falling to the bed
Cool sheets soothe heated flesh

Heartbeat slows
Breathing grows softer
The tiny hairs settle down
I hear the very faint hint of soothing music

Lids fall softly blanketing glistening green orbs
Moisture dries upon cheeks
Body relaxes as all the fire escapes
Leaving behind a beautiful, sleeping form

There's
     a
        FIRE
            in
                my
                     SOUL
                 burning
              me
          ALIVE
       from
   the
INSIDE
    out.
        No
            WATER
                or
                    wind
                 CAN
             control
         it.

I am sitting on the chair
and suddenly I fall,
my head is banging on the door,
my body's shaking on the floor.

I know what's going on,
it will never be better,
it will only get worse,
I've lost control.

In your bones, in your muscles
twitching restlessness.
That foul pit in your stomach
(oh God I'm gonna puke)
and your lungs can't keep up
and your mind races
races
races
And the real kicker
is that there's nothing
that you can do.
*nothing.

Streaming listlessy
Irrational rain
Less or more pain
I don't know

The spring in my face
The time to chase
The passages on my cheeks
Seems a waste.

Fire burns in my veins,
Uncontrollable, flaming;
And won't let me be.
I don't understand myself
When the fire burns inside me.