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I'm trying to bloom
Water, nutrients, and light
I watch others grow
Trying to look in one direction,
It's hard to navigate my own transition.

Many times, I see myself like no other, could I be your sister or your brother? So, then why should I even bother?

My feelings about myself appear difficult for others to comprehend as this has become my own rollercoaster to the sweet, bitter end.

It is not only a mindset of my own personal avenues that I must navigate but they are, also, my own internal processes to which I contemplate and separate.

The push pull of my internal devices appears harmful at times. Feelings of not being happy, called confused, or it's a just phase are word salad moments committing a series of crimes.

I know these interpretations that live inside of me, and I know that the choices that I make can either set me free or keep me locked up forever. Ying-yang in every mindful corner of the room.

I heard a saying the other day that said, "Broken crayons still color". First, I was at odds with this. Because was I really broken? Was my crayon wrapper torn off? Am I being labeled these things from distant voices?

These become unreliable truths made up in feeble minds. Not understanding the differences among us all. It is not creating comfortable realities for us to travel though. Their choices will define them and my choices will define me.

Do I struggle at times? For the most part, yes!!

But you know something.
I am ok with that.
I am ok making my own choices, and I am ok being the person I want to be. That is something that cannot be taken away.

Any transition in life can come with its own set of difficulties. How we navigate them will be the determining factors of our success in all that we do.
George Krokos Jun 28
Winter is almost here as
the days are getting colder
and Autumn has left its mark
we need to be much bolder
if we're to get through its stark.
_____
Written towards the end of Autumn 2023.
Apologies for the delay in posting this as it seems I've slowed right down a lot.
Àŧùl Mar 13
I'm again in a transition,
A non-medical scientist by my schooling,
A writer, singer-poet, and author by passion,
These days I'm at Gorakhpur to join a new job,
For another new opportunity that I grabbed,
One of the many exams I cracked,
This job is that of an Assistant Audit Officer.

I marvel at what life has shown me,
Educated at school in non-medical sciences,
Physics, Chemistry, Math, English & Physical Education.

Then I undertook the first paradigm career shift,
Started my Bachelor degree in Biotechnology
Met with the unfortunate cataclysmic road accident,
Survived the 23-day coma against all odds.

Oh the odds, do you remember, oh life?
200+ beats per minute heart rate in the coma,
104°F+ fever accompanied the ****** injuries,
Fractured cheekbone just below the left eye.

Brain stem injuries sent the global doctors in a Tizzy,
Nobody was certain about my survival or the recovery,
But I survived.

The second paradigm shift here was my survival.

They had said at the hospital,
"Only the most serious cases come to ICU #2,
And the lost cases come to HDU #7."

BUT I DIDN'T DIE.

I survived everything that you threw at me,
Everything, even negative people,
Who made weird recommendations.

What did they recommend to my parents after the accident?
— to make me join an easier degree course,
— to make me train for weaving baskets,
— to set up a toffee shop for me to earn bread,
— and what not to discourage my family,
— my parents had dreams for their only child,
— all the whilst I was in the uncertain coma,
— and the pitiable vegetative state for 30 more weeks,
— where I endured immense pains.

Oh life, you've been so hard!
You gave me COVID-SARS in 2012,
I didn't die,
I completed my B.Tech in Biotechnology.

More loneliness followed,
I still didn't give up on life,
Completed my M.Tech in Animal Biotechnology.

The third paradigm shift was next,
When I cleared 4 recruitment exams,
And joined as a Probationary Officer
With the State Bank of India.

The fourth paradigm shift now comes,
I have shifted to the job of an Assistant Audit Officer,
With the Comptroller & Auditor General of India.

I defeated death,
But I seem to be fighting a lost battle
Against loneliness in my life.
My HP Poem #1960
©Atul Kaushal
Francis Jan 3
I really don’t,
Not an ounce,
Not anymore,
Not evermore,
I don’t care.

I don’t care that I’m short,
I don’t care that I’m stout,
I don’t care that I’m poor,
I don’t care much about.

What’s to care for?
Who’s to care for?
We’re carless little bees,
Buzzing away at the lost honey,
When someone is spraying our hive.

Ask me if I give a ****,
Ask me if it is true,
You’ll come to learn and realize,
That even this poem doesn’t rhyme,
And I don’t care.
Do I care? Negative.
The uniVerse Dec 2023
There's beauty in the fall
as it stumbles into winter
to hear the jackdaw call
and the trees that slowly splinter
the crispness of leaves
under foot under trees
paints a mottled picture
acorns hang like earrings
such a seasonal fixture
a squirrel darts
from branch to branch
he looks at me
then continues his dance
Yes there's beauty in the fall
as it stumbles into winter
how I feel so small
beneath the trees that splinter
glass Oct 2023
there is such depth within his dark eyes
a depth so far when i reach out nothing touches
i will wait for the sound when i drop a rock
and i will sit there quietly for days
looking down his pupils
like sitting at a well without water without end
his image ripples at the edge and faintly i will notice
that it isnt him at all
that the rock will never land but always fall
101523
Jellyfish Oct 2023
It's always been hard for me to switch,
To stop what I'm doing and move on to the next thing
That I'm told to do, whether it's at home, work or even going to the grocery store.

Sometimes I sit for 20 minutes before going in somewhere.
Punctuality has been a staple for me
Even if it means sitting in my car for an hour,
I will be there on time.

I like having time in between these things to prepare
It's like I need to switch mindsets before I begin,
Sometimes 8 hours felt like a punishment.
Other times it can fly by thanks to dissociation.
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