The water slipped over my hands, through my hands, and I felt a chill run through my spine. Most chills left me with one or two shivers and  a cold disposition, but this one left me with a feeling as if the core of my soul had be realigned. My eyes closed. There was a unique serenity in how it remained moving, fluid, yet hard to the touch. Is this what its like to be apart of a river? Where your entire being is melded into an ever-changing ecosystem? Every droplet slipped through my fingers, yet I never found calamity in it. Only a sense of calm that is often forgone by my synapses. In the darkness behind my eyelids, one with a water wall, a chaotic mind was found at peace.

Wake up daily in pain in my heart my head my life.
What did i do to deserve so much heartache and strife.
I am not who u see and the person that u think u knew.
I am not that mother aunty daughter sister they say its true.
Oh know one really knows what i truly would give.
If it didnt hurt so much for me to just live.
Looking at the reflection of me in the mirror u are to blame.
Now look at everyones smile at your failures life is no game.
U try ur hardest to not make excuses and do whats asked.
U talk a good one but u cant stay focused enough to stay on task.
Oh if u only knew what i truly would give.
If It didnt hurt so much for me to just live.

I am trying
To see the bright side
But that's hard
Because although I am happy now
I am terrified
That I never will be again

often tough times taught us to write.






© pax

A tear rolls down a swollen cheek,
Eyes are blue where violence wreaked,
The sob of tortured life wracks body and mind,
As that blow slows time,
Red blood spots bare skin and canvas,
A world spinning in coloured blackness,
As mind drifts to a place of comfort,
The other raises fists triumphant,
The crowd hollers in jubilance,
Worry not for me just call that ambulance.