Don't spackle the bowl you nasty troll.  Did you think your mommy would clean it up?  Ah ah ah...don't say a word just grab the brush before I make you drink from your cup.

door opened
door shut, then locked
first morning urges
body greets the dawn

toilet seat up
pants unzipped
waste tube carefully aimed
flow turned on

trickling stream
becomes rushed torrent
small splashes
leave no mark

on steep polished porcelain walls
water slowly turning
clear to yellow
light to dark

liquid waste
flushed down the drain
shows signs
of dehydration

advising body
drink more water
restart the cycle
of urination

Going to the toilet was a nightmare,
I would hold my *** and poo for hours,
For fear of sitting on the low toilet seat,
It was pain and toil getting up.
Now, a raised toilet over  two bricks,
And a grab bar,
Has made my life Shangrila,
No more fear,
No more anxiety,
Just slip on the seat and RELAX,
And do what you have to do.

I sit here whistling Dixie sitting down ,
                  a concerto of noises sang out.
No smoking signs loiter the walls,
                  for obvious reasons it has
a picture of a posterior with:
              "No naked flames allowed"

Then there is the score board,
               Beginner,
                            Boaster,
               Legend the hardest to claim.
For that score you have to clear out
not only the downstairs, but wake
those upstairs from slumbering sleep..

Me I'm a boaster, that's when the doors
shut, and all I hear from the sitting room
down the hallway is:
                                    "YOU ******"

Let me just tell you that air freshener
                               is not in my home.
Do you know the smell of both mixing,
lets just say never spraying that again.


Some sit and think, some even sniff there stink.
Me I just read a few pages of a novel on page 163,
we all have our routines  but me I mostly
sit here whistling Dixie sitting down,
                             as concerto of noises sing out.

Fake Believe

I walk these majestic corridors of the huge tower block

Skyscraper clawing down the sky into the earth

Thirty two floors above ground

And ten below where anything goes

Tell me, what’s down there?

Ornate toilets fit for a king

That I use three times a night

When I have a right big ****

And wash my armpits, tonsils and ******* on the bidet

Enjoying being tickled by the water

Then dry them on the air jet blower

Followed by a job off the toilet attendant

Male or female it doesn’t matter

Just close your eyes and tap twice

She/he/ladyboy will soon be there

Part of the joy of working in the city

Call centre vampires enjoying their work

We only come out at night

When I prowl the corridors of my structure

I’m the CEO of my own company

And own this building and all of you

In my murky make believe world

Of office tower block fake worldery

I felt so happy. I was so excited. Me and Xavier had been invited to a double date with some of our long time no see friends. Liam was bringing his girlfriend, and Carter was tagging along. It was full of kisses and couple pictures, spilled popcorn and fights over cinema seats, murmures whispers to one another asking who the hell had forgotten to boy some water. It was fun. It was really fun. We went bowling after the movie and I was nervous. I had only gone bowling once and I was awful. But I felt confident enough to play. Confident enough to play and massively fail. Note to self: you are awful at bowling. But so did Leah. We were all making jokes, checking who had won in the other lanes, jumping and dancing in those uncomfortable mandatory shoes. I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out. And we got hungry. So we went to eat. To an overly priced pizza restaurant, with neon lights and old rock playing in the background. Carter was screaming for water as Leah and Liam made out in a booth. Xavier and I, we just stared at them in disbelief and apologized to waiters who passed by. The food came. And we ate. We ate like we had never had food before. I wasn't scared to eat in front of them. I wasn't scared to eat. I was so proud of myself. As soon as we finished I went to the bathroom. But on the way there I saw a table looking at me from the corner of my eye. With all my past relationships I didn't want to look directly at them. But an old review makeup mirror did the trick for me. And there I saw them. In a corner table sat a group of about fifteen people. A group of people who made my life impossible back in the day. I saw my ex. My abusive manipulative ex. The ex that started everything: from my self harm to my eating disorder. I saw the girls who made fun of me at school. And I remember the years of bullying I went through. I saw all the girls who abandoned me and turned their backs to me just because someone else came along. A better version of me. One that wasn't scared to go eat out and preferred walking around town to sitting in a living room playing video games. So. I kept walking. I didn't bother looking back. I put on a firm look to try and hide my shaking hands and teary eyes. and I made it back to my table. But Leah, my poor Leah, she couldn't have chosen a better day to start her period. So I went with her. I had to. She needed help. As she sorted herself out I looked proudly at my makeup in the mirror. But then I saw. I saw them moving, walking towards me. All of them coming in at the same time, blocking the door for me to escape. They might have thought I was alone in there. As they looked at me top and down, Leah stormed out of the toilet saying how the boys were waiting for us outside. And so the only thing they were brave enough to do was ask me if the toilet was free. If they could go in. And they said it with such disgust that the only thing that was left to do was for me to laugh. And that's what I did. And with the fear in my veins and blood rushing everywhere I grabbed Leah's hand and left those ******* with the remains of my fake but honest laugh. I would have punched them. I really wanted to. But it's not my place to start hell in a restaurant toilet.