I find myself speaking with God
In the company of my solitude;
As though he is present in the long walks
along paths lined with trees
Where the only noises are those of leaves of trees
rustled by the wind
And the only voices are those of birds
Who lend their beaks to the wind
As though I was another Adam
Searching for God’s footstep
As I walk over the garden
Muttering the litanies of my sins and imperfections
Ruing all that I have done which I should not have
And all I didn’t do which I should have done
Wondering what became of the little boy I once was
And how I seem like a sea
Where fragments of a sank ship floats
And the remnant of his innocence is scattered about
Like  flotsam, impossible to reassemble

I let God listen to the pains in my voice
Of being a failed sailor
Drowning the sojourners who gave me trust
Yet my second journey remains uncertain
And not-in-tandem with the wind

There is no healing for me in the world
I already added iodine to her wounds
In her pains, she screams at my conscience
And I recoil into my solitude on this solitary path
And I find myself speaking to God in my heart,
Where I find him

Ears are closed shut
    shutters drawn no
    sound comes through to glance
    upon the floor.
She speaks
     every detail tangled in nets
     upon nets of
     sentences
dumping themselves on patient ears
though patient mouth is silenced.

When the lips can come through the
     wriggling words
    The voice can not
    penetrate the closed windows
    glancing off
    and falling into the sea.

The receiver slammed down
    a slap across the face
    miles away...
    she keeps talking.

I tell them
what I feel
words cant explain
just heart can do
michael jackson's song is playing in my head
they with me
so im not alone
it's easy, the echo speaks
the lamps of the town are radiant
but you more
And I see you for the millionth of times

my words are capped. Over
with.
half-started sentences.
they just get cut
into somebody else.
they just get -
- -body else.

and i want to ------

One day you'll realise
All these lyrics were about you
In fact, I think you're smart enough
To figure out
What they've been all about
Doesn't take a genius to figure it out
You left me in a pool of doubt
Questioning myself why and how
Could I ever let it come to that
Letting you go was the biggest mistake
That I've ever made
And I didn't do it just once but twice
Why did we have to suffer the price
In my head none of this **** makes sense
In time you'll come to see
I was only telling you the truth
It was always gonna be me for you.
And the love that I had for you was real
Whether you choose to believe it or not
That choice is yours, in the end
But for me, none of this went according to plan
And I spent the time
To try and deal with all the pain
That's messed with my brain
And now I'm just trying
To make this right
Can't you understand it
From my side
I wanted you to be
The other part of my life
But it was him who won you, not me
And look what happened in the end
I told you he would **** with you again
I told you to trust me
I tried to be there
I tried to defend your heart
honestly, you didn't really care
Or believe in anything I said
And now I'll leave the rest in your hands
To choose what we should be
I wanted you to know
What is on my mind
And this is the way I can do it right
I want us to still be friends
Maybe more
That choice is yours
Because I'm not sure
what you think anymore
You haven't been making this easy lately
But I can't blame you
I think I've hurt you real bad
But you hurt me to
I just hope you understand
I'll always be there to stand by you
No matter what happens
I love you till death do us part
Girl you've always got a place in my heart

©2017 Written By Benji James