I have finally found it
a single switch to cure all my ailments.
Led by old heartaches whispering new phrases
and ancient fears with different faces.
Wary looks and tired eyes
aching bones and empty rooms
that rend my hopeless heart
and scar it afresh.

"You're not suited for each other"
and "you will fall out of love"
echoes down these dark halls
like an ominous sea
rearing back and baring teeth
before it swallows me whole.
And though I promise to walk away
should it ever be too much to bear,
I know. I know. I know.

I know it in my heart
that I will break with every step that carries me away.

And I am not sure what it is
that I feel anymore
because lost, hopeless, substandard
are the only words I can make out
among the deep ruts in my mind.
Even when I know
that once the words lovely, splendid and beautiful
were written on my skin.

Though I have no way of knowing,
I agonise, I rant and rave.
Could I do it? Would I be brave enough?
To shut down every thing I feel?

if the roles were reversed
if the shoe was on the other foot
would you have let me hurt you
the way you did?

would it be emotionless
would the pain be non existent
would everything be the same
would it just be without me

would you hug yourself?
would you scream at the pain I caused you?
would you be too hurt, to even see my name?
would you lose yourself in a mess you couldn't control?

would you hope that the pain wouldn't stay?
would you hope maybe you could be okay again?
would you hope you could look me in the eye?
would you hope to be able to trust,like you once did?

would you hope one day you could trust again?
would you hope one day you were able to feel again?
would you hope one day you would love
the way I loved you?

no.

you wouldn't smile the way you did when you met me
you wouldnt feel how you did when I numbed all the pain.

Is love the fuel of our hearts?
Because maybe we should switch fuel.
Because our hearts are polluted.

Vanity stole me
Vanity corrupted me
Vanity tranquilized me
Vanity disrupted me

These lines have me thinking wrong thoughts, thoughts that are of uncanny nature and vain thoughts of selfishness and unhealthy erotica.
Vanity took all the sanity away from the head, and left me alone, not even therapy can stabilize me, I rebuild my soul.
I'm out of my mind, and I'm yellin' out, vanity
...
Like a drug itself, these lines are like decaf and vanity is my addictive curse.
Addiction not to the drug, but to the feeling of such an intense self love, it eats you up inside, you take the substance to escape the sinful feeling.
Logic, and proportion, all dead.
Losing myself,
Get out of my head.
Get out of my thoughts.