pain: an abstract noun
abstract: existing only in mind
pain is not tangible
unable to be exposed
but
she tried to show us her woes
in evidence of her ageing agony
wore a disguise so happy
no one was wise
until she poured what we were told
could **** down her throat to ****
pain can be destructed she thought
if there isn’t a soul for it to reside
her name was may

During every stage of life
I am a failure
Stupid,stuttering child
Always messing up
Probably never going to succeed
Pointless to try anymore
Over life as it is
In a dark place
Never anybody's first choice
Totally incompetent
Miserable
Exiting stage left
Nobody cares
Time to quit.

I've laid on my back
And taken you willingly,

Because I thought I was powerless...

And you thought you were powerful.

But if you look closely,
You'll find we're the same.

Just two sides of a coin...

Who can't see each other's face.
And don't know each other's name.

I close my eyes and all I can see are flashes from that night.
Its quiet, yet I’m wide awake
One more episode then bed
A strange odor fills the room
Smoke
Panic sets in
Body’s rushing through the house
The sound of fire trucks in the distance
Smoke
Thick grey and black tornados
A loud pop as all the windows shatter
Then silence
Flames seep through the windows and doors
It’s climbing through the house
All I can do is sit and watch as the smoke fills the sky
Nothing’s left but an outline of a house that’s no longer a home

I used to be pretty, but now I look sick.
I used to be though, but now I feel weak.
I can't help myself, so I became helpless.
I am never leaving this bed which i'm drowning in, but I hope that someday I learn how to swim with the fish.

Blood is rushing to the visible veins in my wrists and down my legs 'till it becomes hot at my feet and i'm standing in a red pool. And I wish I could swim with the blood cells.

Endure more like suffer. And I might survive but i'm no survivor.

I used to look sick, but now I look dead.

What I wanted was a hug from her
At a time when I needed it most
Reassurance from some loving arms
Forever keeping me safe and close

What I got was an apparent attagirl
Your strength sure makes us proud
Just cover the bruises and move forward
Speaking of it is never allowed

What I wanted was for him not to judge
Assuming that it had to be my fault
Simply by going against the grain
And not utilizing the skills I was taught

What I got was his scrutiny and doubts of faith
Citing my deficiency had gotten in the way
A reminder that God truly does keep score
Testing those of us who often go astray

You see, family plays a pivotal role in persona
Either developing solid roots of generational ties
Or they are unversed in shaping, nurturing, and growth
Unwittingly becoming the enemy in disguise

What I need from my family is a listening ear
Being supportive through silence is sometimes right
I do realize opinions will want to be shared
However, please refrain from giving me unsolicited advice

What I need is to feel heard and not admonished
For speaking against those who are no longer around
Enough damage is being done all on my own
Because my admiration and love knows no bounds

What I need most importantly is extra patience
The vile devastation caused by "them" was immense
I am working hard to heal the scars left behind
So bear with me, the journey is long and intense