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Broken Arpeggio Apr 2018
What I wanted was a hug from her
At a time when I needed it most
Reassurance from some loving arms
Forever keeping me safe and close

What I got was an apparent attagirl
Your strength sure makes us proud
Just cover the bruises and move forward
Speaking of it is never allowed

What I wanted was for him not to judge
Assuming that it had to be my fault
Simply by going against the grain
And not utilizing the skills I was taught

What I got was his scrutiny and doubts of faith
Citing my deficiency had gotten in the way
A reminder that God truly does keep score
Testing those of us who often go astray

You see, family plays a pivotal role in persona
Either developing solid roots of generational ties
Or they are unversed in shaping, nurturing, and growth
Unwittingly becoming the enemy in disguise

What I need from my family is a listening ear
Being supportive through silence is sometimes right
I do realize opinions will want to be shared
However, please refrain from giving me unsolicited advice

What I need is to feel heard and not admonished
For speaking against those who are no longer around
Enough damage is being done all on my own
Because my admiration and love knows no bounds

What I need most importantly is extra patience
The vile devastation caused by "them" was immense
I am working hard to heal the scars left behind
So bear with me, the journey is long and intense
Being able to ask for what I need has always been a foreign concept to me...believing it to be more burdensome and selfish than useful! So, this was my hardest write yet; but definitely a step in the right direction towards healing a weary mind, body, and soul!
Dahlya Apr 2018
The night he took my innocence.
Was the night everything changed.
His shirt had been my favorite color,
A color that I can no longer bare to see.
His laugh,
So pure and happy,
Now haunts my every dream.
Those big blue eyes,
I had once looked at in awe,
Instill a new kind of fear in me,
Each time I see his eyes,
In a new friendly face.
The smell of his cologne,
I had loved so much
Is now revolting.
I was so naïve,
Young and trusting,
And he stole the small amount of innocence,
That I had left.
I will never trust again,
And I will always look behind me,
Fearing who may be there.
They told me it was my fault,
I should have listened,
To what I’d always been taught.
Cover up before you go out,
Don’t accept drinks from strangers,
Stay close to your friends.
But in the moment,
It all seemed right.
He was kind,
His eyes were warm,
And he paid attention to my every word,
Making me feel special,
A feeling that I wasn’t used to.
So like a child,
I trusted his charm.
I would give anything,
To take back my innocence,
To go back and try again.
To cover up,
To make my own drinks,
To stay close to my friends.
But I didn’t,
And I will never get back,
What I left in his bed.
I will keep the memory,
And the paralyzing fear,
Until I become stronger.
Strong enough to realize,
That It wasn’t my fault,
That there was nothing I could’ve done,
And that he was the only one that could’ve stopped it.
The night that ruined my life,
Was all in a stranger’s hands,
In his charming words,
And his breaking touch.
One day I will have the satisfaction of knowing,
That despite his efforts,
He didn’t ruin me,
I survived.
Trigger warning
Broken Arpeggio Apr 2018
Chained by self-doubt
In a dungeon of in-betweens
Barred from moving to either side
Stuck motionless in the seam

A wearisome place where all the "I don't
know's" and "I don't care's" lose any voice at all
So monotonous that individualism and
opinions cannot break through the prison
walls

Complacency will start to settle in
By becoming increasingly comfortable within
the rut
Unless intervention allows a glimpse beyond
the despair
That entices the healing of a fearful gut
Feeling "STUCK" along the path to healing can cause frustration and shame...NEVER STOP FIGHTING!
Felicia Coffey Mar 2018
Because it’s not terminal,
And statistically curable,
Do I have the right to say I survived?

When it’s all said and done,
And the battle is fought and won,
Will I deserve to be crowned victor
If the trophy was handed to me
Before it had all even begun?


Did I suffer enough to deserve this?
Written the day I was diagnosed with cancer, May 22nd 2017.
V Mar 2018
Allow someone to hold your mind for too long,
And he may just take your life.
Based upon personal experience with trauma and abuse since I was younger. I still struggle with things such a strange "Stockholm syndrome" and things I have yet to "deprogram" my mind from believing.

To those who have known physical or mental abuse or even both:
Acknowledgement in speaking up is your first step to freedom,
Do not be afraid to see what is beyond the cage.
ronnie b Mar 2018
it's been years now
but it's because of you
that i don't think i'll ever
look at potential partners
the same way
again
Keerthi Kishor Mar 2018
We all bear scars in one way or other.
Some from loving someone too deeply and some others from losing someone or something that you cared too much for.
Some scars are intentional while some others exist for stupid silly reasons.
Some we are but some we are not so proud of.

I have scars all over my body.
All over my mind and all over my soul.

I have scars on my brain due to over thinking and over analyzing incidents that haven’t even happened yet.

I have scars on my eyes for shutting it more often, for being blind to things that should’ve been taken care of.

I have scars on my nose from all those endless snobs and sniffles from my horrifying past relationships.

I have scars on my mouth from speaking the truth, only the truth and nothing but the truth.

I have scars on my neck from getting choked up on false love and fake proposals.

I have scars on my shoulders from lifting up responsibilities that I was accustomed to from an early age.

I have scars on my hands from holding onto things that weren’t supposed to be mine from the very start.

I have scars on my chest from my ice cold heart that has been stomped over and over multiple times.

I have scars on my lungs from the “occasional” stress buster cigarettes that I am addicted to every now and then.

I have scars on my stomach from one too many butterflies that flew when we first met.

I have scars on my legs from running, miles away from people and that place I used to call home.

I have scars on my skin from the many tattoos I got done that helps me reassure my self-worth.

I have scars on my soul from trying hard to pull myself together, calm me down and compose myself through the rampant storm that’s been raging in my life.

I have all these scars. All of them.
And they don’t scare me now even though they hurt like hell, at times.
They’ve become a part of me and looking back, they are just reminders of who I was, what I have been through my life and the person it has made me become.
They don’t scare me anymore because they define who I am now.

A survivor.
"So tell me what scars do you bear?"
Beaux Mar 2018
“Life is a precious thing. I've learned that in my time on this earth.”
Life is a precious thing. I’ve learned that in my time on this earth.

“15 whole years of being a speck in oblivion.”
Seventeen years of being a speck in oblivion.

“I'm crying as I speak these words. I wish I could have made a mark on this world.”
This time I’m not crying as I write this. I see that I don’t need to make my mark.

“You know...... Just one thing to be remembered by. God this is so fault in our stars.”
I don’t need to be remembered widely. Living in a few hearts is all I need.

“I'm not ready for this. Three weeks to do what? Sit here and rot away?”
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready but everyday is a gift to live and enjoy.

“Sleep and say goodbye to everyone I care about. This isn't how life should work.”
Goodbyes will never get easier but they’re never forever and that’s how life should work.

“You're supposed to grow old with the man of your dreams and tell stories to your grandkids.”
I’m going to grow old with the love of my life and recall my glory days with them.

“To get married and run off with cans on the back of your car.”
I’m going to get married in an old church and drive off in a classic car.

“I haven't even gotten to go to prom and dance with the guy I like.”
Prom this past year was amazing. I’ve never felt more loved than dancing in his arms.

“Because I don't care what people think. I want to go to college and stress out about school and homework and tests.”
I could care less what people think. I’m going off to college next year. I’m stressed about applications, and homework, and papers.

“That’s what teenagers do. They don't have to worry about how long their going to live and if their best friend will come and say goodbye.”
That’s just what teenagers do. I’m lucky that I no longer have to worry about how long I’m going to live.

“They have two arms and two legs. They do sports and hang in groups.”
I’m missing one of my legs. I run track and play basketball. I see my friends most every weekend.

“They go to the mall and the skate park. They don't have to care about anything, but I can't help but care because I can't stand see someone suffer the way I have.”
We hang out at the mall and each others’ houses. We all care about something, we’ve all felt pain, and we all don’t want another to feel the pain we’ve had.

“I know things could be worse, but they could be better too.”
Things could always be worse, but they don’t get better than this.
A response to 15 year old me's poem "Me ranting and Crying about wanting what can never happen"
She Writes Mar 2018
You took my innocence
And stole my childhood
I will not forgive
I won't ever forget

I will, however
Move on

I am not a victim
I am a survivor
What you did out of weakness
Has made me stronger
Broken Arpeggio Mar 2018
How does one openly share
With many strangers in a room
All the atrocities and scars
That mark your impending doom

Always leading with the heart
Has left it broken and rather dead
Causing the mind to eventually take over
Numbing you down to invisibility instead

Simply wishing to fade away
Into vast webs of silent misery
While a boisterous and opposing point of view
Keeps aiming for your victory

Strong-armed, not so gently, into a situation
That leaves you stripped down, sullen, and bare
Brings about complete and utter discomforts
All of which, you hope no one is aware

Longing for some connection
Though fearful of the start
Freezes you into a silence
Unable to be of any part

Your tongue becomes sluggishly thick
Appearing knotted, twisted, and tied
Oblivious to the surroundings
While your brain is quietly being fried

Amid the haze, a courageous voice is heard
   sharing pieces of a story
With similarities to that of your own
Sending reassurance throughout a weary head
That there is no longer a need to feel so lost and alone
One should never stop attempting to learn and grow as a human. Compassion needs to start with the self before it can be given to others...
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