I can touch, but, I can't feel

I don't listen,I just, hear.

In, my shadow, I sense you, near

I can't escape. You're now, who I am.

I created, can't destroy,

I can't label, have not a name.

I can't face, so ashamed,

It's, ruined me, I have no faith.

I can, smile but, feel no joy

I am loud yet I, am shy.

I have tears. My eyes, raw dry

I can't get out, this dark inside.

If I am done, why am I still trying?

I am able.

If only willing, so I take on this with all, my being.

From the rough, will emerge, a diamond.

I am human and this demon is mine.

I don't know which year I died
If it was when my mom tried to pick me up in kindergarden, but was to drunk to take me home
Several times
Or if it was when I had no friends and got bullied every day
But I sure as hell do know one thing for sure
I revived from the dead
I raised from my grave
stood with broken bones
Dried blood
And scars
I will have these scars for life
But today, I realized
This makes me who I am
And I'm **** proud of myself
Because I survived.

Life is not about surviving,
It's about living.

The first time we ever spoke,
I thought you were annoying.

I asked you what your favourite colour was.
You said
"White, because when thinking in terms of the light spectrum, it is the combination of all the colours. When you look at a white light, you are actually looking at colours that human eyes can't even process. You are looking right at them, and you can't see them, but they are still there."

I thought that was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

-
-
-

I was sent to a white palace when I found out what happened to you.
I searched for you in every windowless room.

-
-
-

Our romance was a
flash flood in the middle of a drought,
quenching my parched soil,
and then drowning all forms of life for miles around,
but it was over far too soon
and left me ravaged,
yet thirsty for more.

-
-
-

I took my new husband-to-be to the place where you and I met.
He didn't leave my side the entire time
and we listened to the music echoing around the mountains
while he said beautiful things that I would have died to hear you say
and he kissed me in front of everyone,
just like I used to dream that you would,
but you never did.



I realize now that you weren't my soul mate,
but believe me when I say that
I did love you.

-
-
-

I still don't know what to think when I look back on it.
My open and paranoid mind
can never draw definite conclusions
as to what truly happened.
Reality is subjective.

All I know is that this world is much more quiet than it used to be without your constant chatter that I thought was annoying when we first met,
and the only closure I will ever get
is accepting that part of who I once was died with you,
but an even larger part of who you were lives on within me.

-
-
-

My favourite colour is white now.

I have loved you.

the heart an aircraft
capable of flying
but not of floating

The bright site,
The morning star,
Its Light.
Sun seeing moments,
Am glad today,
Of marks yester made,
Aye, wounds tattooed,
As my every part being,
With every blood flow,
I am glad, of death,
For now,
It hasnt tasted me.
Of worries vast,
And troubles be.
Am glad I have a site,
Life is all I embrace...
Be glad wrongs,
Failures and hurts,
Made you be.

Can anybody hear me
Behind this glass that seals me
From ever, ever feeling
Anything at all?

I watch myself put on a tough front
Fake smiles are an easy stunt
They come so naturally now
Even though there's no feeling to them

My laughter peels out perfectly now
You can barely hear the strain in my voice
That any joy for me is a choice
To protect those around me
From ever discovering how I really feel
On the inside
Where I hide
All my pain

My only gain is that, you're all blissfully happy
Never knowing my suffering
Just continue laughing
And living
And I'll continue surviving

In quiet moments such as these
You creep back into my mind
Like a ninja
Scaling my wall with death defying skill
I invite you in
To take this quiet and make it thunderous
Just for a moment
Then I take my sword and cut you down
You will not beat me
I will not give in
I have already survived
And you .......

Are just a lump!!

(C) Pixievic

The memory you left, grows like a cancer, a cyst
Makes me really really wish
You had just beaten me with your fist

But the pictures play over and over in my mind
It's been almost a year,yet I find
The agony has not lessened, but grown
It's the worst I've ever known

The pain is so deeply ingrained
It has left me maimed
I can't even cry
My eyes remain dry

Out in the woods you took my body, left my soul splayed
I left you 18yrs ago, yet I was still your prey

You ***** my body, ***** my mind, ***** my soul
But that was far from all, now in the woods I can not go
Even the thought of it leaves my bones cold

Now no more fishing,no more camping, no more hikes
You left me with new fears that I have to fight
What you did was extremely far from right
Memories, anger, anguish, and depression takes another bite

With no sanctuary, no reprieve
Now nothing at all in which to believe you shoveled me down to my knees
For now every sound,every smell,everything in the woods I see
Only flashes of savage  pictured memories