To be practised are the things to better within myself, I must work my gifts
For if too long they lie there stagnant, eventually they'll be missed
It's been forever since I can remember a poem of mine with run-on lines
I can't remember to, mustn't, but I want to, reality's wrong but otherwise, I'm fine

Going about my daily lives, I strive to make me better than the best
Expectations of perfection, I can't care, I can never be less
Concerning all that I am learning, getting, being, staying here
Hides an appreciation of my disassociations, my delusions, don't hug me, I am scared

It's been a while since I last smiled at a prose of mine made out of deliberation
A fever dream, I scream through my glass casket to a denying nation
Let me out, it festers, a pest, I confess to the caging of a tiger
Repression, antidepressants, suppressed, well sedated, I'm deduced, I am a, the liar

I live to love, I hate to live, but love, a reality, people nonexistent
No matter what happens, as things get out of hand, it stands, the maddening's consistent
Can't see the wrong, just as I'm taught, you awaken, to fix the mixed, you're seeking
Asleep I lie, waiting to die, everything's alright is all I see, I be to once denied, unwanted memories, unstopping, ever fleeting

Of course it is my fault, as usual

I'll blow my brains
'Cause I deserve it
Ignore my pains
'Cause I'm not worth it


They hurt us
These are the ways they vent
Us monsters
Should get our punishments


Us monsters
We are the monsters
We deserve it
These are the ways they vent

Us monsters
They hurt us
Price of a sentience?

Price of a sentience...
We're true monsters.

I know.
I know that it won’t matter.
That no matter how much
Of my blood spills
How much of it I wipe away
No matter how much it hurts
Or how many scars I create
It won’t make me want to be alive.

I peep through smoothly,
To evade the stench,
And lose track of the man next,
Who keeps wording in his snores,
Pin-drop silence, you get it?
I'm struggling for light,
Fresh air and breeze,
My mind goes dark one more time,
I reach for a glass of water,
Well, its champagne,
I wonder,
What it has to do with my mental state?
Illusions,
I see the men in blue pointing knives,
And I keep still.

I miss the streets,
Tough but kind,
We fight and eat together,
I'm tormented,
It gives me suicidal thoughts,
I wave across the corridor,
If someone will hold my hand,
'Hey, keep your place, you nincompoop'
Then I realize,
I stole for insanity,
And I'll get killed for that,
In the conspire of the sane.

What a match, oh what a pair,
my broken china doll and I.
Abandoned in dark corners, where no-one ever sees.
Cracks and broken pieces lay scattered on the floor
of a once cherished child and a once treasured toy.
Now you may never see it, but we weep, both her and I
for discarded things have feelings
if not always naked to the eye.
My broken china doll and me
don't understand what we have done.
For objects once dressed up in pretty things
became fragmented, tortured lumps.
It's not always understood,
why we throw away all broken things,
because sometimes they're most beautiful
if we only ever were to look within.
Now we may be broken and discarded,
never to be repaired again
but with a little helping hand, we could learn to grow.
For through our cracks the sunlight could seep,
making us feel whole again.
But my broken china doll and I
maybe too far gone to ever be saved.

PULLING the edges
Until THE blood comes through
The darkened SKIN
Never new TO you
Turn them into permanent FIXtures
Turn THEM into scars
Line your body with a constellation
of crooked moons and stars
RIPPING until it hurts
BECAUSE the PAIN IS the best part
Let THE PROOF run down your face
Prove you have a heart
DIG a little deeper NOW
til your nails turn red
Careful now SWEETHEART,
Any more and YOU'RE DEAD.

I could never own a gun,
I'm too much of a risk for that.

I came home
Contemplating my demise
And you yelled at me
Maybe you meant it
Maybe you didn’t
But you made it worse