Please take a seat
In the back of my head
Stop hijacking my thoughts
And wishing me dead

Hand over the reins
I'll take it from here
You will self destruct
And you're insincere

I look to the future
I welcome the new
You served no purpose
And I am stronger than you

(for Terry McMillan)

I was a *****
glacier cold solid ice

claws for fingernails
man killing eyes

not myself, not someone else
thirsty for the wild hunt

self-loathing eating away
the way aphids eat the orange tree

no more empathy
where’d that go?

probably jumped off the same cliff
as romance and joy

at the bottom of a cold canyon
swirling in roaring deep water

caught in the current
beneath the surface, far beneath

carried away for three years
no lifejacket, no life

behind reinforced steel
behind the *****

I was a ***** for three years
until the ***** took a scraper to the icebox

climbed over the edge of the canyon
breaking clawed nails on orange clay

****** at the bottom, ****** but alive
swam to the bottom of freezing waters

found my groove
got it back

shot up from the icy foam
exhaled

picked ripe fruit from the tree
cut it into four pieces

one for romance, one for joy
one for empathy, one for me

no more aphids on the orange tree
no more glacier, no more hunt

oh yes, the ***** is still here
nourishing my soul with the fruit of knowledge

reminding me don’t let go
don’t let me be all they see


[Notes:  This poem was published by Cadence Collective: https://cadencecollective.net/2015/01/17/for-3-years/

First published in Men’s Heartbreak Anthology.]

Unravelling as we were woven together,
she was whole,
                               but I was losing strands
of conscious motions.  

Even though I was fraying,
       she wound her strength
around my insecurities, making us stronger.
              As a whole instead of two separate values.

Love has a way of holding two parts together,
                     even though we may unravel.
Together we bond making us stronger
              than anything separate, we are one love.

Sometimes mountains can be put up to make our lives harder.
Sometimes it may feel like you only have a pick-axe to get through.
Some mountains though, are made to be conquered.
You have the heart of a warrior and can't be stopped.
There is a light so great in you, that however strong the darkness gets, you will always shine in the dark like the moonlight.
That fire in you will never burn out.
You've made it this far and keep getting stronger.
There will only ever be one person like you.
Don't ever be afraid to be yourself.
The road to happiness, starts with being happy in yourself.

To: Past Me
From: Future You

Hello, my past self.
I hope you’re doing well.
But then again,
I know you’re not.
Because I was you,
And you are me.

I know about all the smiles you’ve had to fake.
I know about all the silent tears your pillow is stained with.
I know about all the people you’ve loved and all you’ve lost.
I remember it all.

But listen,
It doesn’t get easier.
You will still go through hard times.
People will still leave you.
You will still feel sad sometimes.

It may not get easier...
But you do get stronger.
Strong enough to overcome it all.
The pain.
The tears.
The obstacles.

Small things won’t hurt you anymore.
Every rock in your way will turn into a pebble.
People will go and others will come.
But you'll be alright.

You’ll grow stronger.
You'll be wiser.
You'll get bigger (not in height though, we shall always be 5’2)
It may not get easier but you will be happy.
Of that I am sure.

So past self I tell you.
Dry your tears. You’re not alone.
You’ll be surprised of all you’ll overcome.
                                                                                         Love,
                                                                                         Future You ;)

We're only as weak
as the chain
                that holds us together.

For what ever is brittle makes us weaker
                                 and it is better to break,
being  reformed in a more stronger form.

Never let others be your weak link,
                           let them break.
    And you become stronger than you were before.