With the glass of champagne
Still in your hand
You tell me that you're not afraid
Of death
Of dying
You ask me if I'm afraid
I sip the champagne
Death is something
I don't allow myself to think about
Finally I answer
No
No I'm not afraid of death
It's weird I haven't thought about it
Not before you
You look at me
Still holding the glass of champagne
You look good
You have some sort of magical eyes
Eyes that I'm not afraid to look into
You say
Most of us who have been feeling
Like we have been feeling
Are not afraid of death
Because somehow
We have already
Experienced it

Never have I heard someone
With a glass of champagne in their hand
Say something that intelligent
Something that life changing
I sip the champagne
And I smile

Grey sky,
black branches cracking through,
wet grass,
broken bench,
green in your eyes
and sparks in my heart.

fire engulfing the combustibles
the soft flickering of red and orange sparks
gentle, but powerful
the smell of charred oak filling my nose
a wave of light, one after the other
lingering warmth on my skin
as if i could ever replicate
what it felt like to be beside you

fire provides us warmth, light,
perhaps a vague sense of security in the hardest nights
but come too close,
and the fire
will burn
you.

In brittle dark
I’m shedding body on your canvas
leaving flesh in strokes of boldness;
arms are warm,
your thighs are hotter from us, burning,
as friction seals the picture
of sparks embracing ashes
painting lust
reforging Us

Butterflies flew through my limbs
Tickling the bone as they land
And chocking my lungs until

I can’t breathe.

So what a beautiful day
When I can allow them to fly freely
between our lips

at contact.

You ask what I’m thinking so
I pull you to the side and
Lean against you and

Nothing.

Where have those butterflies gone?
Did the poisons in my body destroy them?
Did they spawn from the sick feeling of the forbidden?

Why am I so broken?

You ask me how I feel and I panic
So I avoid the question
I don’t have the heart to tell you I didn’t

I don’t know why I feel so empty.

And worse,
That makes my problem more complicated
Because with her I feel the same nothingness
But we live together.
So I am no longer choosing between
Who I love more or who I feel with
Because I feel nothing but
Excitement in dead places for one

I am so broken that even that will leave
Eventually
So what do I do when
There’s two lives on the line

I can choose you and
Keep your heart beating
Or I can choose her and
Keep my comfortable life

Or I can choose myself
And move out into the world alone
But I am so afraid to be alone
So afraid to feel

Because what if I feel this way
Due to the mental blockades I’ve built to protect myself?
What if real, raw emotions live in my heart
But can’t escape through the chains?

Yet, what if I leave and
Find another you who
Seems to have it all

Until our lips meet

And I feel

nothing?

Like sparks of embers       fizzling through the air,
we set each other     aglow in the night.