do you ever get depressed
not knowing what’s coming next
not able to undo the past
despite your efforts the good won’t last

smoking every day making my life hazy
cuffed in place with these chains of daisies

folding playing cards when i didn’t used to
it’s the little things that make me miss you

she'd found a reason to keep going
for the meantime anyways
but the months are ticking by
and I think she's lost her way

see, her eyes they've stopped a-sparkling
and her skin is growing pale
she walks around half cloaked in smoke
and reeking of cheap ale

~

she met a boy
who did her wrong
she doesn’t know
how she’ll go on
without him, there’s something lost
but how can you lose what never was?

downing pills; oxycontin candy
she’s going numb but feeling dandy
eyes grow heavy, pulse begins to drop
the silence is deafening
waiting for her heart to stop
the hours tick by with no end in sight
left questioning whether she even did it right

woke up in a tub of ice
no surprise, it’s already happened twice
fingertips turned a pale blue hue
blood stains on the covers spell[ing] out “i love you”
bodiless whispers echo through the halls
broken light fixtures and blood on the walls
open windows calling out to her (me)
urging her on to set herself (myself) free

why cant i forget you
i thought i’d finally put you out of my mind
i don't love you anymore
i wish i could leave your memory behind

i think about you more than i’d like to admit

when will i stop dreaming of you?

will i be homesick forever?

there's a ghost in the basement
who comes out when it's raining

i don’t know what he wants
but i don’t want him to go

i find comfort in the hauntings
and i hate to admit this

but i think i’m more afraid
of being alone

got all these voices in my head
and monsters in my bed
and memories of words and things
i can't recall i said

If given the chance to have 5 minutes with you, I want to share this with you:

Your music keeps me going. You may have heard that sentence a thousand times. So, if you would allow me to paint you a picture.

I work in a job I don't like. The job itself is not bad. It's actually very meaningful. I thought meaningful was enough for me. Apparently, it is not; I want it to be both meaningful and something I truly enjoy.

Enjoy in a sense that even though it's difficult, it is something I'll wake up for. It's something that would make me forget time. And for me, that is singing, acting, performing, and teaching. But it is not my reality right now.

So, every Monday, I drag myself to work. As each day passes, the guilt of being late subsides to none. Sadly, the thought of having a responsibility to other people has become less compelling for me to work. I've spiraled into deeper, and darker realms where I've lost control over my mind and body.

And to force myself, a desperate attempt to get up, I play your songs. Next thing I know, I sing your tune, dance to your beat, then the impossible starts to happen. I begin to cook food for myself to eat, I open my laptop, and get started on my emails -- I finally have enough to start my day, to get it going.

These maybe simple, mundane things -- but they mean my livelihood, my future, my life. You help me live my life.

Thank you for your music. I hope you stay truthful to your tune, to your beat, to your message.

I hear the roaring of the brook, so wild, untamed, and free.
It’s rhythmic and musical, beautiful,
catching everything that comes its way.
And I see my reflection smile back at me.

The world as I know it has changed.
Everything is different now.
Everything has been rearranged.
All the lights have gone dark on the stage.

All the sounds, they’re gone.
Silent.
All the people, at home.
It’s so quiet.

Will it be this way forever?
Has it changed?
Will it ever go back to how it was?

The music is part of me,
And this family is too.
How can I survive this
Without conduction and notes to read and review?

I knew that this would end,
But I never thought it would be so soon.
How can I make it through this
Without humming a single tune?

I thought that we could say goodbye
And I wish I could hug you now
I thought that we could put on a show
And watch you take your final bows.

I don’t know if we can make it through
But I know we have to try
Because we are the singers, the dancers, the dreamers
This isn’t the only time we cry.

Artists face so many struggles,
On that you can depend.
The only difference now it seems
Is that we cannot comfort our friends.

I will never forget the time we’ve had,
And I hope that you’ll remember too.
Because through the years of tears, confronting our fears,
I did it with help from all of you.

This is a family, this is a life
It can be hard for some to understand
Just how much the music has changed us
we are grieving for the loss of our chorus, our band

This is the end of so many years, and this is a feeling so strong
Eyes water, tears fall, heart breaks, and still we brave it all
Because we are a unit, a family of friends,
And this both beginning and end.