Looking on the past year,
I couldn't change a thing,
Throughout all the fights and arguments I would call here,
It also brought forth joy like a warm note on a nylon guitar string.

I saw my sons birth,
Where he held my finger in that operating room,
Where the strength of this newborn titan laid me low,
Tears of joy springing unburden to my eye,
Carrying me to a great height I never knew before.

I got to see him take his first steps,
Hear his first word,
And see all the other firsts along the way.

Every one worth the trials of life,
Working to support us,
Put myself through college,
Waking at 4,
Coming home at 8,
And sleeping at 12,
Working for 15.30,
And slogging hard for 2.

You were mad at my doggedness,
Angry at ignoring myself,
I know I waylaid my own needs too much,
Put too much on my own shoulders,
And sometimes I still do.

I promised you the world,
And I can like to think I can at least give you the parts of it you want.

Only now do I realize that the parts in question are not as big as I once thought.

Your little eyes,
Little nose,
Little cheeks,
Little smile,
And, your adorable babbling,
Will forever be rewards of love...

Your little hands,
Little feet,
Little walk,
Little mischiefs,
And, your cheerful embrace,
Will forever be a boon of life.

daycare drop off
he sees me cross a sunbeam on the way out
rushes up to stop me
and gets me to crouch so he can give me a 'sunbeam hug’ (his words)

I felt it
When I spoke
To the judge,
For my son,
Years of shell work
Encasing fear and sanity, cracked with each glance, falling away. Everyone listening.
I was left lost
Like a snail losing it's shell
Mushy and vulnerable
A Pulpy mess.

Was it enough
That I said
Or too much.
So much was left out
The Russian Roulette admission
The thoughts of jumping 15 floors from his hotel
So many letters making up words and paragraphs upon paragraphs
of 15 years.
Throwing out a gun
Into the city trash.

How could I be anything more than a mother
Who let the saving flatten her out of existence. Incoherence and pulp.
Will it be discarded
All that effort
To keep him alive
At my expense.
Is that what mothers do?
I'll never get to return. Life doesn't
Let you.

His son wanted to play ball
So he got him a dog

He wanted to go fishing
So he got him a fish

His son wanted some advice
So he got him a book

He wanted some time
So he got him a watch

He just wanted a dad
But dad never got him

Happy Holidays:
Always in my heart
Dear son Shiv
Heart of gold  
Blessed be your days
Unforgettable be
your holidays
Greetings.
~~
I am always with you
Dearest darlings my
grown children
my biological grandkids
Tamally Mask
I am always with you
I love you adore you.

Tamally maak
I am always with you
No matter the trash
that clouds your mind,
Sickens you judgement;
Discard those door mats

Tamally Mask
You are always with me
No jealousy divides us
No malice, nor greed
Today criminal minds,
Impostor wanna be Moms
are sunk and drowned
we are always one.
Lala Sassy Coco
mother loves you.
I am always with you.
~~
Ancient true love,
Be my Knight
Twin soul PC Rk
Unsurmountable
obstacles have fallen down

You remain in my heart,
Ancient twin soul divine
As you promised
remain imaginary mine
my best friend Joel.

keeping me company
regardless of miles
between creeping in
uninvited.
~~~
Joy to poets who
took time to read
to comment
to connect to write
to keep me company
Tamally Maak.
You are always in my heart.
~~
By: Mr. and Mrs. Andrews

I do as I like,

Mum stays calm, I don't know if --


I even exist.