it
all
     r
        o
      l
        l
          s
d
     o
       w
          n
              -
                 h
                   i
                     l
                       l

               and I'm at the bottom

Walking in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my situation
Mired in this place by the muddy suction
Shackled in chains to my destruction

When others slam the door,
You close it with gentle hands.
When others scream at the air,
You focus on your plans.

Explosive anger consumes many,
They react in the most unenviable way,
It is disheartening that they can lose themselves so,
As they live immersed in their day-to-day.

Be higher, choose to concentrate,
Know that you are the key holder for your fate.

When others slam the door,
You close it with gentle hands.
When others scream at the air,
You focus on your plans.

You act as if you hadn't a clue
You act as if I hadn't talked to you
You act as if I hadn't tried till in the face I was blue

I did, I tried
I did, but you only sighed
I did,rivers of tears I cried

Why are you such a *******
Why is your agony dispread
Why did you not listen and ended up mislead

I beckoned you to come near
I beckoned you so I could make it clear
I beckoned you but you only looked at me with that sneer

So I let you do it your own way
So I let you become the prey
So I let you crumble in just mere days

Now i'll just set and watch
Now I'll just set while all of it you botch
Now I'll just set as you make another notch

If only you had not just listened but heard
If only you hadn't let things get so blurred
If only you hadn't acted so absurd

I sat and I watched you expire
I sat and I watched as your situation got dire
I sat and I watched as you set yourself on fire

I ******* my friend out.
He got into my face
Hit me with his notebook of sorrows.
I told him my mind.
I gave him
What all of his decisions lead to.
He deserved it...
but why do I feel so guilty?
He is a junior in high school,
I am only but a freshman,
And yet,
I hold such power,
his fear
This cannot be understood
He found that I am not scared to speak.
But yet,
I feel like such an ***.
Why am I like this?
Others I know wouldn't give the situation another thought.
So why am i?
Truth is,
I have no clue.
*I'm sorry Jordan

The liquor has taken over
I don't ever want to be sober
The view from this side is not the same
On this side everything looks sane
It takes a twisted view, to accepte this life
To have the strength to endure the strife
Just leave me on the steps of intoxication
It's the only way I can deal with my situation

I went to the surgical center on Monday February 29th, 2016. A Polyp was found and removed by the surgeon from my lower esophagus. I am waiting for my voice to return and the for the doctor's report. I am planning on seeing my regular doctor tomorrow hopefully I will know more after then. I am working on perfecting listening skills while I am not able to talk and being patient while waiting for my voice to return.  
I am doing my best to be in good spirits throughout this whole situation. This too shall pass. Hope you All are doing Well and Healthy wishes to Everyone.

Sometimes I wonder why I put myself in these situations
A never ending battle of contemplation
Good bad
Happy sad