I hope you know what you let go:
An entire childhood full of imagination,
A neighborhood friend you saw every day;
Someone who loved you covered in mud
And someone who was covered in mud with you;
I hope you realize what you let go:
A person you ran around the woods with
Or biked, pretending we were driving cars,
Mapping out every tiny detail to it,
Like jobs, car models, types of house, types of persona;
I hope you understand what you let go:
Someone you made a friendship rock with and buried it
So that hundreds years later two best friends will be remembered
Only to dig it up four years later, laughing at what you’d wrote
And your friend who kept it still knows where it is;
I hope you feel what you let go:
The person who you didn’t always have to laugh around,
Who listened and always, always, always said it would be okay
And who never lied and went out of their way to make that happen,
Even when you were moody or sometimes mean, I stayed;
I hope you miss what you let go:
Late nights talking about boys or our parties for two,
Taking our time growing up but embracing our future,
Knowing we’d be friends forever, at least us two
And no matter our mistakes, we’d have our families and each other;
I hope you think of what you let go:
When you were sick that last year and I was at school,
When all your other friends were too “busy” or what-not,
I came home on college weekends to see you
And when you left the room, your mom thanked me, I said “my pleasure”;
I hope you thought of what you let go:
We were almost there, from childhood through our teens,
We were almost to where we’d make our dreams come true
But then you graduated high school, then you went away to college
And I’d text and ask to see you but you always pushed me away.
Why?
I hope you know what you lost:
Because I think about it a lot and what I lost
And God knows it hurts more than any breakup ever felt
Because this was like losing a sister, someone I never thought I would
And I doubt you know because now you’re gone.
I hope one day you’ll know:
Because I still count each year as another year of friendship,
Because I’m in denial and count our occasional texts,
But I finally stopped referring to you as “best”
But I still hope you come around and somehow we can go back…
I know, I realize, I understand, I feel, I miss, I think, I hope-
I remember it all, just not the reason why you broke
All our lifelong promises for a couple parties, a little fun
And hopefully a whole hell of a lot of happiness.
I guess most of all I hope you think it was worth it.
