you can't forget your family

no matter how hard you try

mirrors remind you you have your mothers face

hard times remind you like your father you never cry

keep it bottled up, don’t worry about the past

seeing relatives remind you “you’ve grown to fast”

my bloodline is a burden that i wouldn’t trade

even if this burden is all that weighed

My sister has brown eyes. Some would argue that they are hazel, but I know better. Her eyes hold all the secrets of the earth and are as rich in color and depth as the land. Copper against soft caramel. A brilliant ring of gold.

My sister has freckles speckled across her skin like stars in the night sky. If you look hard and long enough you can find your favorite constellations dancing across her cheeks. A delicate blanket of brown sugar sprinkled on her face.

My sister has a smile that puts the Cheshire cat to shame. A smile that splits her face wide open. A smile that makes her eyes crinkle and her nose scrunch up. A smile so wide it makes the oceans look like meager ponds. A smile, always on the verge of laughter.

My sister has a laugh as loud and powerful as the thunderous sound of waves crushing against rock. A laugh that makes wrinkles worth having. I know my sister’s laugh like I know my own mind. Although I have never heard it.

My sister knows a girl she has never met before. A girl that has her eyes – but darker. A girl that has her freckles – but fewer. A girl that has her smile – but duller. Her laugh – but quieter. My sister knows a girl that shares her blood – but hers burns hotter. My sister knows me, although she has never met me.

For Little Me,
My little copy,
Who’s not so little
Any more.
To little me,
Who’s growing up,
And becoming a strong,
And beautiful woman.
I tell you now,
Little me,
Don’t look at my expression
When I scroll through pictures of myself.
Don’t watch me cringe
When I look at the scale,
Or listen to my mumbled sentiments
Of self-hatred
After I indulge in something rich
And flavorful.
Don’t take after me,
Little Me.
You’re far too precious.
More precious to me
Than I am to myself
To do what I do
When I look at myself.
Little Me,
I hear you in the store.
Where you used to twirl in colorful outfits in front of the mirror,
you now turn with a look of disdain,
And comment on the fit,
The tucks and curves,
And places that don’t look quite right to you.
Little Me,
When I look at you,
You must understand,
I see a stunning young lady,
Blossoming into grace and radiating joy.
You are a burst of sunlight in a dark room
When you giggle
And grin
And greet everyone with equal love and respect.
What others see
Is not what you see
And life is too short
To tend to imaginary flaws.
Bask in your qualities,
Your bountiful,
Beautiful
Qualities.
I want you to see the same rosy cheeks,
Spun-copper hair,
And elegant, powerful height
That I do.
I want you to see yourself
With all of the love that I have for you,
Little Me.
My perfect,
Adorable,
Growing-up-far-too-quickly
Little Me.

Cut
Not the slicing of my arms
Or the deep flesh wouds i draw
But the cutting of relationships
Gone.
I was cut of
As cold as a winters night in the middle of a snow storm
There was no more -
Big sis, and baby girl.
There was nothing
But the odor of the burnt ashes that sat buried beneath our tongues.
Words that were yelled
Like the fire flys lighting the nigh sky, appearing rapidly and disappearing with only a small resemblance from the past.
Once free from our greedy and angered mouths
Nothing can be taken back
Nothing can be undone.
With those words you said
And my actions
You had cut me off
Telling me u loved me, but we were no more.
I yelled and cried
But you weren't coming back.
3 years.
We missed so much of each other's lives.
I, peering into yours through the gaps of the curtins you hung up.
And you looking down from your castle, only for a time wondering who i was.
Finally we had something.
But everyone pulled us down.
No one trusted you or believed you
No one loved u like i did.
I was the only one who stood there with you
Yes unable to help
But I was there.
3 years we had.
Now no more.

I'm kind of drunk again.
But I can still hear you laughing
That same thoughtful laugh.
I can still hear you playing music way too loud
As you curse our neighbors for being those old boring people we swore we'd never be,
I'm kind of drunk again,
The kind of drunk we used to get when we were way to young
And to proud to drink anything besides *****
That same old, cheap ***** that I still drink
From time to time
To remember the way we danced atop my bed
And cursed the morning sunrise
I may be kind of drunk again.
But it will never fully bring back
The people that we were
Or what we thought we were
It will never bring back the feeling
Of being drunk at 2 am
Ringing the doorbells of the men we loved.
I'm just kind of drunk again,
Thinking about you always.

“Drugs are all fun and games until you watch someone you love become someone you don’t know.”

She called her daughter a ***** today
Something she said she’d never do
She treats her boyfriend better than her child
And she can’t even see it
Her lies fly out of her mouth like it’s been recited to perfection
And I’m tired of listening to them
I wish that my mothers life wasn’t so ******
So that my sisters could’ve had something
I wish for a lot of things
But a family is what I want the most
I wish I could tell them all how much I love them
But how do I do that
When the drugs are so strong that they can’t see past it?
When the need is so strong they’ll do anything to be high
And I know I should try and help
But how do you help someone who doesn’t want help?
How am I supposed to do all these things
When I’m only one person?
How do I tell them that their life will be ****
If they don’t pick it up and do something with it?