I climbed a mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels
And how I wish you’d been there
To see the looks on the faces of people who don’t know me
Who didn’t even care
But there I was with blisters
And when they asked if they hurt
I quietly shook my head.
And I hid my tears in my hair,
Because there was plenty to soak them up,
And there was no other use for my curls at the time.
But I climbed a mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels.
I know you watched me from the bottom,
And I’d wished so badly that you’d come following behind
Telling me I didn’t have to do this by myself
Even though we both knew I did…
If I ever wanted to be happy again.
If I ever wanted to love again.
So you didn’t chase me…
You didn’t.
And I know why.
I guess it was enough to know that you were watching
It was enough until today
Because watching isn’t the same from that far away
I think there was a moment when you thought I was happy
With someone else
But a smile isn’t the same from that far away
And I don’t think you saw the number of times I looked back
Trying to find you
Because this boy wasn’t you
I think there was a moment when you saw us kiss
And yes,
We did
But kisses look different from that far away
And they were never planted anywhere special
Like ours
This boy and I,
We planted them in rocky places along the edge of the mountainside,
Where nothing grows and no one will stop to admire them.
They’re already dead today.
This boy,
He found me on the mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels
And I’d wished I hadn’t hidden so many tears in my hair like that
Because it looked limp and loose and ugly.
But he said I looked pretty when I cried,
Even though it broke his heart.
He carefully took those heels off
And softly caressed the blisters
I could tell by his face he knew that I hurt
And why I was climbing
And why I was crying
And why I knew I couldn’t make it all the way up there,
All alone,
To the top of the world
So he scooped me into his arms
And whispered so many wonderful things
I think you thought I loved him, because I smiled a little, sometimes
But he carried me farther away from you
Until I couldn’t see you anymore
But it shouldn’t have mattered, because we made it to the top.
We should’ve been at the top…
But I missed you still…
I don’t know if you ever knew that.
But I want you to know that.
And I wish you could hear me say it:
I missed you.
The boy left today.
And I don’t know why I let him run away with my favorite pair of heels.
Well.
I didn’t let him run away with them. I only meant to let him take them off...
It’s impossible to get them back now.
I don’t think you know yet what those heels meant to me,
And why they should be important to you.
But I will tell you someday.
Because it is important.
And I think you should know.
My feet hurt.
And I really don’t know why I tried running that day.
Maybe I didn’t understand what it meant to just wait for a while.
I think you know I hate that word by now.
But I do.
Which is ironic.
If you think about the conversations I have with you.
Where you pick my thoughts like cotton
And leave me empty, telling me nothing.
But I don’t really mind.
It was a mistake to leave my heart down there
I forgot to pack it before I set out to get over it all-
-I’m looking for you,
You know.
I left my heart down there for a reason,
And I’m just stuck now,
Dangling my feet over the edge of the world,
Scanning the bottom.
Wondering where you went off to.
Sigh.
