Sun ached to rise,
above the jagged horizon.
It lit the shadow,
of stone work,
of your craftsmanship.
It stood high,
strong and everlasting.
A stone giant,
held together with assumption.
Assumption of him,
the prince that you seek.
Recently one has followed,
to the top where you lie.
He said the verse,
a promise, an assumption.
He would mend the holes,
patch the sides.
As time rhythmically passes,
the tower would stand,
strong and eager.
Until your assumption,
is not yet reality.
The one that followed,
sometime ago,
has left with the moon.
As your eye tears,
the tower leans,
crumbles.
The salty liquid,
corrodes your assumption,
that is often set in stone.
I watch from afar,
knowing the outcome.
I tread among the emotion,
overflowing and scattered around.
As your kin, your brother,
I help to pick up the pieces.

hush, abi
please!
if we stay here nothing bad will happen to us
pinky promise, alright?
mommy and daddy will be back soon and we can lie here all together
the four of us can lie right here, cradled by the grass and the stars will come out for us
we can make our own constellations, how does that sound?
when mommy and daddy find us we will name it whatever you want, they will love it
oh, abi, please don’t cry
the scary loud sounds?
those were fireworks, the brightest, most colorful fireworks that exist
keep looking up, abi, you’ll see them soon
who lit them?
why, the night sky sent its own just for us
that’s why there were two, one for you and one for me
they are made of shooting stars and instead of smoke they leave behind cosmic dust, that’s what makes them so beautiful
when mommy and daddy come back, two will be lit for them, you’ll see
but now stay here with me, i know it is cold, but please try not to move
we can become two blades of grass, but only if you close your eyes, no peeking!
in the morning we can splash our faces with sweet dew and say hello to traveling ladybugs
we can dance to melody of the bird’s flapping wings, we will hear so many different sounds and colors
we can watch all the fireworks we want, the pretty ones i told you about
abi, stop shaking, it will be okay
those steps are mommy and daddy walking to us
they want to be grass with us, all of our roots can be threaded together like a bracelet and we can be so happy
don’t open your eyes
promise you will keep them shut tight, you can only look when you hear the fireworks the sky will light up for them
i won’t open my eyes either
pinky promise, alright?
we will soon be velvety soft, we will live in our garden with mommy and daddy
here they come!
now hold my hand, that way we will be planted together
it will be mommy, daddy, me, and you - Abilene
watching fireworks paint the sky forever.

Parents to take our responsibility
Siblings to carry our roller-coaster emotions
Friends to co-create the madness we are
Relatives to form our extended safety networks
Spouse to satiate our mental, physical and lonely desires
Kids to give us those safe & positive vibes for future
Influentials and celebrations to realize our existence

But how about having one nameless relation?
One that doesn't mandate responsibilities?
One that doesn't burden expectations?
One that is Fearless, Formless & Weightless?
One that is 'Carelessly Caring' ?

Being an older brother is tough.

Assuming the role of child and parent at the same time.

You are no saint.

Often expected to be one.

All the pressure, take me back.



Playing in the backyard.

Expected to be a mediator.

You needing some idea of childhood.

Wondering if you’ll ever get one.

All the pressure, take me back.



They look up to you.

Offering words of wisdom when possible.

Letting them fail as you did.

Protecting them as you should.

All the pressure, take me back.



Soon, you’ll be grown.

Love will mean more.

Adult decisions looming before you.

Tears dropping to the carpeted floor.

Pressure I never asked for.

Do you remember all the times you said you hate me?
Do you remember all those times you said you didn't care?

Mama, I promise I'll do better.
I'm quite sorry, or don't you see?
Mama, I promise this is the last time
that I make you so mad we lose our hair.
Mama, I promise I'll be more like my sisters,
and I'll be everything you want.
Mama, I promise I've always been here.
You're putting this all out on your kids.
Now, how is that fair?
Mama, I hate this way that we live.

Mama, I always hear you.
I hear you saying,
"You're a monster;
there's not enough going on in your head to distract you!
You're such a *******."
I feel wrong saying you abuse this family,
especially since others have it worse,
but now I hear everyone saying it,
so I admit it at least a little bit.

Mama, I'm calling him Isaac,
and I'm calling myself David.
I'll never come out to you,
because you're just that predictable
that I know just what you'd do.

Hear the proclamation of Isaac,
everyone we know who knows you thinks you're insane.
Hear the proclamation of Isaac,
people are offering to call someone on you
and take us away.
Hear the proclamation of Isaac,
we know you cannot change,
but it doesn't redeem you.

.... it's normal...maybe it's not,
maybe, i overdo it....yet, i still do it...
i always think of things to come
...at day time....even late nights,
thinking too much of my children
my children's children...i must always
be there...for when they need help...
i worry too about my siblings
i even think of my siblings' brood
my dear friends and their worries
...thinking how i can help them...
later, i get weary....fed up at times,
exhausted from worrying, wondering
how i could offer even a bit of a remedy
especially when they are too far to be
touched warmly...or, my hands are tied,
....or, not that long to reach out...

i realize before long...i am not alone
decidedly, i refuse to be solaced
by the thought, that my worries
could just be pebbles...not rocks...
i musn't compare at all....

(excerpts from an old posted poem...edited)

Sally

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
    May 20, 2018

Out for a walk
Thinking thinking thinking
My little brother’s a king
I'll let no ***** approach him
I’ll let no one hurt him
I’ll take care of him
I’ll take care of him
Take my hand, brother
I’ll take care of you

Since the day I was born,
you have always been there.
Showing me love,
showing me that you care.

You have watched me grow up,
into the man that I am.
You taught me my manners,
to say ''please'' and ''yes maam''.

It has been a long road,
it's been curved and rough,
but you always stick by me,
and you never give up.

So now I’m thinking back,
to when I was so small.
With you watching Godzilla,
and the cyclops in Krull.

Laughing hysterically,
at the mangy king kong.
Hiding my face in your shirt,
when chucky did wrong.

The hours and hours,
of pitching skills taught,
and the bruises and swellings,
that each lesson brought.

So many memories,
that you have given to me,
and an outlook on life,
that few others can see.

You are the mother,
every child wishes for.
The one I show tears to,
my best friend and more.

So to the mother I love,
I just wanted to say,
that you've made me so proud,
to be your son every day...

People say hatred is wrong

That it means you're as bad as the very one you hate

But I beg to differ

Why can't I hate her for torturing me as a child

And trying her very best to make me sad

Why can't I hate him for doing the very same

For doing anything he can to made me feel pain

Just because he can't hurt himself enough

I've grown to hate myself

And as bad as that is

I just can't stop

I've grown up with such a toxic set of siblings

I might as well be the first to go

That's what they've always wanted

When they tried to strangle me

I still remember how it felt

When they wrapped their hands around my neck

It hurt