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NitaAnn Oct 2017
so this happened...
it has happened before
then i can stop
but it always comes back
back to the blade
the shiny blade
it calls my name
begs to feel my skin
as it slices
red bubbles up
and runs down my arm
funny i don't feel the pain
so it cuts again
and again
making thin red lines
so this happened....
NitaAnn Oct 2017
Self
Personal
Me
Alone

Judgement
Punishment
Deserved
Guilty

Facing
My
Own
Inadequaties

Self-Judgement*

Sentence passed

Only death will pay
max May 2017
my hand roars
with searing pain.
"i dont know how
this happened,"
i explain. but in truth,
my art teacher
left a box of sharp objects
on her desk
and my little hands
just wanted to grab one
just wanted to try
S Dec 2015
I...

Still
Earn
Love,
Find

Hope
And
­
Recover
More
Every
D
*ay
We can recover, someday.
S Dec 2015
I'm not trying to **** myself
My cuts are merely a cry for help**

You could read them like a journal if you were to look hard enough
This one from the time I cried until I could't cry anymore
That one from the time when sleep was oh so far away
And that one there, just a scar
That was my first cut, the one that began it all

Sometimes the only way to bury the emotional pain
Is by covering it with the physical pain

Like the bite of a dull kitchen knife against your stomach
Or the burn of a sharp one

The little beads of blood welling to the surface
Like the tears of my emotions
In physical form
Some people ask what it feels like to cut yourself
NitaAnn Sep 2015
I have tried so hard to move forward
I really want to be happy
To accomplish things
Put the Past behind.

But the voices in my head
They whisper and yell
Lies, and half-truths
They make me doubt.

They can twist everything
Make it seem like I am
Unwanted, unloved
A failure.

I do not know how to silence them.
NitaAnn Aug 2015
I am his little puppet
He calls, I run
He hits, I break
He touches, I cringe and endure
He controls me

He controls my spirit
He controls my mind

I try to untie the strings
And be a real person
But each time I slip one off
He is right back to tie it on tighter.

The puppet master
He beckons for me
He wants to see me dance
I dance for him
With silent tears
rolling down my cheeks.
Wishing I could take a string and wrap it around my neck.
NitaAnn Aug 2015
I try so hard to not let him win
But then the letter or call comes
And I am right back there again
Under his control.

Feeling lost and hurting
Wanting all the pain to leave.

My head hurts
My heart is broken
I am a mess.

I cannot function like this anymore
I am done

He has ruined my day....again.

Happy Birthday to me
He's back.
NitaAnn May 2015
Laying outside.
Got a shiny new blade in hand.
I love the way the sun shimmers off it.
A new blade...needs to be used.

I am actually feeling good.
But still have the urge.
The  urge  to cut.
To feel that  slice  into skin.

I am  addicted  to cutting.
I feel a rush knowing what is coming.
The quickness of the  blade.
The slight pull of the skin.
Then the  red  bubbles of  blood.
That led into a path of  red  running
Down my arm.

Initiating the new  blade.
Cutting tonight.
Not to dull a pain.
But out of a  desire  to feel it.
NitaAnn May 2015
In a few hours I will be facing the monster.
The one who took my innocence,
My childhood, my soul.
I need to take back control
I pray for strength.
He needs to pay for the hurt
The hurt then and now.
My lack of being able to function normally....his doing.
I need to stand tall
Be firm...make him suffer
Like he made me.

I can do this
The time has come
Today you pay!
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