every breath a torch of flame as i look up and see the blue above i want to fly away but no he says and holds my wrist behind me crying blurs the sky i cannot see his hand is sliding slowly slowly down i want to fly i want to fly i want to fly just let me go i cannot speak the ties of painlovefear are tighter on my lips just let me go i want to die there is no place to go to hide to flee inside me nightmares circle vultures breeding vultures breeding vultures breeding vultures and i just want to go just let me go i cannot speak

rising pain and fear i shake he stands there looking and my throat constricts no hands just eyes that's all it takes i want to go i cannot speak don't touch me

shiver quiver fear is king i lose myself the darkness hides it all i look around at nothing so i stay huddled in the corner of my mind i want to go just let me go i want to fly just let me fly

there is no place to go he stands there his hands are sliding sliding down i want to go don't touch me let me go why can't i speak i'm screaming why can't i hear myself i'm dying why won't my blood flow i'm frozen burning dying alive inside myself his hands are warm as hell

too scared to know too crushed to flee i want to fly just let me go don't touch me another face is there smiling kindly just a devil of a different breed i cannot tell he takes me in please please don't let him near i never will you're safe with me i'm just a devil of a different breed so let me in i'll take you dear and make you feel and shape you straight and keep you safe and tell you lies as i hold you tight and touch you touch you don't break free

dead i'm dead i'm dying just let me go God  i cannot anymore no feeling left i can't i can't it's woven into me to fear to lose to break i do not know the devil was so close behind me a shackle on my mind i fear i lose i weep no soaring no blue sky i cannot see the sunset and i know that feeling he is there again a standing shadow at the end of my bed kneeling over looking down i cannot feel i am not here i leave i flee i run i cannot move and smiling looking down at me against the red light i am now in hell i think i will not cannot go i scream i live i die i am not here i am not here just let me go don't touch me touch me i will **** your heart i am not human anymore you killed me let me go i will fly sometime just let me show you and the knife is twisted and i die for real he laughs i hear it as i fade no fear i'm done i'm gone i cannot say goodbye he took me stole me i will never see the light of day

i am woman
i am slave

I was young so very, very young. I WASN’T EVEN SIX! And you were in high school….. and i trusted you. I followed you and you said you’d keep me safe if I got scared. Then you asked me what I wanted to do. I said play house and then you asked me if I new how we would make a baby. and i was so young….. I said leaves and sticks and then you grabbed me you kissed me and stuck your slimy tounge in my small mouth and then I don’t remember much I don’t remember if you did anything else I don’t remember getting back to the apartment I can’t even picture your face…..I know you've made me put up a barrier on a part of my life I shouldn’t have had to. Why? I WAS YOUR BEST FRIENDS LITTLE SISTER……I WASN’T EVEN SIX!!!!!!! I’m afraid of running into you on the street and you getting your revenge that I told on you and that it ruined your life. I can’t tell people. Why would you you do this to me I just wish I could understand. I just wish i had been given a chance at a normal life and you stole that from me...why?

The magician's basement was no more glamorous than my own.
Old couches, an untouched television.
One corner, however, holds some curiosities.
Loaded dice, trick decks, handkerchiefs.
Handcuffs, matches, rope, knives.

But his handcuffs hold no illusion, only my thin wrists.
They are hard and cold like any other pair
digging in, no escape.

There was no magic.

He offers to show me a trick.
How easy, I think now, it must be
to fool a seven year old girl.

I was tricked.

He told me once that magicians love the dark.
The black, he said, keeps their secrets hidden.
He told me to close my eyes,
and when I could finally open them,
there was no more light.

He hid me in the dark with the rest of his secrets, the rest of his tricks.

K.A.

You
Are not a man.
You are not worth
My mercy
Or my words how dare you
Touch him
With your hands filthy
Threaten to beat the **** out of
My lover?
If he doesn’t give you his cell phone you
*******
Or else he could give you
A ten minute *******
And escape with his life
And his bones intact
But not with his dignity
Not without ***** rising in his mouth and pain shooting through his body and reaching deep into the cracks that I have slowly been helping him heal
You are
Not worth my mercy
Or my words and
If I had my way you
Would be
Sitting pretty under my knife
If I had my way I would have my
Sadistic revenge.
Your bones
Are going to look so good
As earrings.

I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

I was terrified of my reflection once. 
 I would scratch my self to tear apart
every imperfection,
every flaw ,
every single defect.

Unhappy with myself
That every night I would be
Making pacts with the Devil
to become beautiful .
Then devil listened and
he brought me you....
To tear me apart into shreds
To strip my innocence
The beauty I did not appreciate
It was your greatest appetite

Demonic eyes
Should have never looked
Piercing lips
Should have spoke up
Hateful touch
Should have scream
You were evil

And I danced among every movement
I hate you


You were gargoyle
every night standing
it's post by my bed
To scratch my helplessly body
I hate you

I wish I appreciate my innocence because then
I don't think the devil's angel would have ever pay me a visit

She was forced onto the bed or pinned to the floor, the environment didn't matter, the outcome was the same
His breath would graze over her neck, he groped mercilessly
Never once did she look into his eyes or made a sound
Never once did he hesitate or stop his assault
Never once did she attempt to stop him, out of fear, out of embarrassment
The tearing of her clothes, his brutal grunts
She never utters a word or makes any movement
Her head would be slightly turned away from the scene, her eyes opened, staring into space or closed, not wanting to watch this unfold
A sharp intake of breath would pass her lips as his assault began
His continuous thrusts felt as if needles were pricking her untouched skin
The agony goes on for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours until he finishes
He tosses her aside, doesn't matter, the outcome is the same
She stays immobile, on some occasions, crying softly
She doesn't know why it happens, it just does
Her body is a fortress he conquered, which now lays collapsed
Her emotions, her thoughts, scrambled
The pain she feels from the assault goes unnoticed
Never utters a word or makes any movement
The reoccurring thought crosses her mind, "Why did this happen? Why did it happen to me?"
He takes one last look and then leaves
She lays there on the bed or the floor, her arms wrapped around herself, cradling her body
Doesn't matter what the environment is, the outcome is always the same
Her innocence is taken and now she has nothing...