You
Are not a man.
You are not worth
My mercy
Or my words how dare you
Touch him
With your hands filthy
Threaten to beat the **** out of
My lover?
If he doesn’t give you his cell phone you
*******
Or else he could give you
A ten minute *******
And escape with his life
And his bones intact
But not with his dignity
Not without ***** rising in his mouth and pain shooting through his body and reaching deep into the cracks that I have slowly been helping him heal
You are
Not worth my mercy
Or my words and
If I had my way you
Would be
Sitting pretty under my knife
If I had my way I would have my
Sadistic revenge.
Your bones
Are going to look so good
As earrings.

I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

I was terrified of my reflection once. 
 I would scratch my self to tear apart
every imperfection,
every flaw ,
every single defect.

Unhappy with myself
That every night I would be
Making pacts with the Devil
to become beautiful .
Then devil listened and
he brought me you....
To tear me apart into shreds
To strip my innocence
The beauty I did not appreciate
It was your greatest appetite

Demonic eyes
Should have never looked
Piercing lips
Should have spoke up
Hateful touch
Should have scream
You were evil

And I danced among every movement
I hate you


You were gargoyle
every night standing
it's post by my bed
To scratch my helplessly body
I hate you

I wish I appreciate my innocence because then
I don't think the devil's angel would have ever pay me a visit

She was forced onto the bed or pinned to the floor, the environment didn't matter, the outcome was the same
His breath would graze over her neck, he groped mercilessly
Never once did she look into his eyes or made a sound
Never once did he hesitate or stop his assault
Never once did she attempt to stop him, out of fear, out of embarrassment
The tearing of her clothes, his brutal grunts
She never utters a word or makes any movement
Her head would be slightly turned away from the scene, her eyes opened, staring into space or closed, not wanting to watch this unfold
A sharp intake of breath would pass her lips as his assault began
His continuous thrusts felt as if needles were pricking her untouched skin
The agony goes on for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours until he finishes
He tosses her aside, doesn't matter, the outcome is the same
She stays immobile, on some occasions, crying softly
She doesn't know why it happens, it just does
Her body is a fortress he conquered, which now lays collapsed
Her emotions, her thoughts, scrambled
The pain she feels from the assault goes unnoticed
Never utters a word or makes any movement
The reoccurring thought crosses her mind, "Why did this happen? Why did it happen to me?"
He takes one last look and then leaves
She lays there on the bed or the floor, her arms wrapped around herself, cradling her body
Doesn't matter what the environment is, the outcome is always the same
Her innocence is taken and now she has nothing...

They told him he was an orphan,
to be swept, like so much dirt,
under the Empire’s carpet.
He had further to go than the Israelites
to be delivered into slavery.
The men of God would make an honest man of him.

This was not an attitude of prayer
as he knelt naked outside Brother X’s room.
This was no crucifix
he was made to clasp in the dark.
This was no blessed communion
he was forced to receive on his tongue.
This Judas betrayed him with more than a kiss.

Forty years he has carried his cross,
hoping for a resurrection of the truth.
“Silent night, unholy night,” we all sang
and then,
like God,
we were strangely silent.

I do not want to blame you.
I fell hopelessly, desperately in love
and that was not your fault.
Our summer was smiles and laughter
and sleepy morning *** and cuddles at 2AM.
How could I not love you?
All was golden in your presence
and nothing hurt.
The demons of yesterday were banished
by the warmth of your adoration,
and I slowly forgot the sorrow
growing around my heart like a sickness.

I do not blame you.
But no one taught me the difference
between love and dependence.
No one taught me that I could love you
and still say no.
I let you tie me down, hold me,
Hurt me,
because I was terrified to lose you.

I know I shouldn't blame you.
But I still flinch at unknown hands,
still pull away when I feel threatened,
and I feel threatened more than ever.
Anxiety claws my throat,
hands shake, vision blurs,
His eyes are your eyes are his eyes
and I can still hear your voice.
"Kneel ****"
I don't know how I stand up now.

2 men,
that's it.
2 men
have known me,
inside, they fit.

Doped out
of my mind;
it's hard to recall.
Bits and pieces,
flashes of memory.
I was a living rag doll.

Barely breathing,
he takes me from behind.
Pulls my hair,
and says,
"I'm gonna make you mine!"

I think it happened
three times,
but who really knows?
When your brain's
as high as mine goes.

I can't call it ****,
I was a willing participant.
Numb to the bones,
so with it I went.

When it all fell apart;
my secrets exposed,
he wrote me something
that was no longer prose.

His words were razor blades,
slicing the skin with ease.
I kept myself in my own prison;
over, my heart began to freeze.

"A willing **** victim",
is what he called me.
Sick to my stomach
for allowing him in,
I lay my head on the pillow
to cry for a 5 year old sin.