we were inside a gazebo
alone together
with salt caramel beer on our hands
and sticks of nicotine
to syncopate our life spans
to fill the dead air,
you thought it was a great idea
to talk about our vices
you asked me why
i drink and smoke
i told you that
***** is like my own personal body of water
my ocean,
my river,
my stream,
my sea,
my dead sea
where i could either sink or swim,
even float effortlessly
and i only smoke when
heaving a sigh is not enough
i threw the same question right back at you
and you said
you have always been a sucker for winning
so you drink to outdrink
and smoke to outsmoke
your buddies
but most of the time, yourself

we may have different reasons
but we both agreed that
we are at our sanest when we are at our drunkest

you gave me another bottle
and asked me if i was  
up for a challenge

i nodded at you
and that's the last thing I could remember

my conniving, cunning cat
so quick to pivot on paws,
but caring enough to walk the alleyways that are my
head and heart.

your claws cascade on my soul,
and i know you love me,
but you are a collective culling..

i can't bring myself to return to sender,
love my ender.

my alley cat,
i can't help but surrender,

to your every rake and take of my being.

you are the poison i crave,
the liquor on the top shelf.

the cat that possesses the power,
to bleed me raw and,
steal the love i can't help.

I see the days end drawing nearer
Still foggy without getting clearer
The choices I've made
My dreams they invade
Staring back as I look in the mirror

Forgiveness is merely a virtue
Won't alter the fact that I've hurt you
Now filled with regret
Wishing I could forget
Still, my treacherous acts don't avert you

You see me as some kind of Savior
Despite my appalling behavior
My smile cannot hide
The demons inside
From that truth, I'm unable to waver

I would make SUCH a good criminal. It is a shame I have parents and integrity. Well, some integrity lol. :P

you are not a selfish person for feeling sad, neither are you a bad person for the ways you tried to **** your sadness. it took me an unfortunately long time to realize this.

“I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhh!”

“I could have killed you.”
“Or I could have killed you,”
he shrugged. “If there’d been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.”
“I don’t need an ocean—”
“Boys,” she interrupted, “I’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.”

"My fatal flaw. That's what the Sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris."
"The brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?"
"No, Seaweed Brain. That's HUMMUS. hubris is worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"

"How did you die?"
"We er... drowned in a bathtub."
"All three of you?"
"It was a big bathtub."

**Best chapter names:

I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher
2.Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
3.Grover Unexpectedly Loses his Pants
4.My Mother Teaches Me Bullfighting
6.I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
7.My Dinner Goes Up in Smoke
10.I Ruin a Perfectly Good Bus
12.We Get Advice from a Poodle
16.We Take a Zebra to Vegas
17.We Shop for Water Beds

I think I'd like to have a British accent that sometimes randomly morphs into a Russian one.

If I ask you about your favorite sound,
which one will you choose?
To me and Greg, it's those girls rhymecal screams.
Louder and Louder , they hit the perfect note.
But sadly it is only a one time show,
Because sooner or later they had to die, to feed the devil inside.

Me and Greg, never been any girl's first choice,
So we decided to be their last.
Well our innocent faces always spell the charm.
The girls happily hop into our car for a last drive,
Unaware of the hidden surprise.
As soon as they become comfortable, We offer them drinks and pizza.
After all it's a norm to feed your prey before you cut them into pieces.
As soon as the poisoned drink start its work,
One of us hop on the back seat to satisfy the lust.
Turn by turn we feed our self.
And enjoying those screams as we cut them.
Feel really bad because each one of them was a master piece.
But soon we manage to forget the pain and prepare our self for another game.

I am a collector,
Collect coins, sculptures and more.
But the highlights of my collection are human souls
Whom I collect every night from the road.

Drug addicts and homeless are the best for my collection,
Because they never ask stupid questions.
With a wide smile on my face, I spread my net to catch the fishes.
And for some money, drinks and for a comfortable place they get ready,
Get ready to fill the void in my collection place.
As soon as the night gets darker, I polish my instrument to carve my new soul.
Tie them to bed, perform different experiments on them.
Pushing them to death and bring them back.
And whole night we play the same game back to back.
I took picture and take record to mark their pain and store their memories in my brain.
Till now nobody survived till dawn .
So every night I drive on the foggy road in search of a new soul.