How would I know I’m not a heavy-weight,
A burden those I love could start to hate?
Each word I speak feels like a sharpened stone,
Thrown into hearts that ache, yet not my own.

How can I be sure their light stays intact,
Unstained by shadows that my soul attracts?
What if my truths are daggers they can’t bear,
And I leave scars in places unaware?

How would I know their kindness doesn’t fade,
Eroded by the cost of love they’ve paid?
What if my pain becomes the thing they fear,
A haunting voice that whispers when I’m near?

How can I trust they’d hold their steady ground,
When I pull them to where I can’t be found?
What if my sorrow seeps into their core,
And they’re not who they were, not anymore?

What if I speak, and silence fills the air,
A proof their patience vanished unaware?
Do they resent the weight my words impose,
Or wish I’d keep my sadness undisclosed?

How would I know they won’t begin to flee,
Escaping from the heaviness of me?
What if their love gives out beneath the strain,
And all I’ve left are echoes of my pain?

I’m torn between the need to reach and hide,
Unsure if they can stand what’s locked inside.
Am I a poison slowly spreading through,
Or just a soul too lost to find the truth?

That’s why I think it’s better left this way,
Alone with all the words I’ll never say.
To die with silence wrapped around my chest,
And free them from the weight of my unrest.

Tripping over myself, bleeding myself out
trying to confine myself
to the confines of your categories, the cages
that barricade us in. I have rapidly outgrown them and
now they splinter skin.
When should I begin to cry out?
I have seen others leave it too late —
their bodies impaled by cold, hard metal
their organs pooling on the floor, their hearts’ still beat
once, twice,
they stop.
Is it possible to shrink? tweezer out the splinters
before I am spilt
pull out my own bones until I fit.
Hypocritical to myself I encourage the cries of relief
as the brave ones
break free —
Will I be consumed? Or will I break
out

Did you know
the girl I see
every night
every day
every second I live
is never the same?

Did you know
she walks like me
she talks like me
but it cannot be me

I have no reflection

I’ve never seen it
felt it
looked at it
touched it
nor spoken to it

So girl, yes you
You who mock me
You who ridicule me
You who see me
Did you know we are not one and the same?

Did you know
I moved on
And yet you
drifted
And became a monster?

Did you know
because
I wouldn’t have
if not for
Your lurking presence.
Taunting me
Crying for me

Did you know
Despite your shouts
Despite your fear
I cannot be you?
How can I
When you didn’t know
You were real
And I was not.

Reaching out into the emptiness
of my heart,
Calling out your name
in vain,
Why the hell had I wanted this?
Why would I ever tear us apart?

It feels as though there are two people here,
the one who acted before and me today.
I kinda know that I broke up with you
But it’s too hard to move on this way.

I feel such grief, sadness, loss and confusion,
And I feel angry at myself for feeling so,
It seems that over you I’ve chosen an illusion,
A beautiful bouquet of flowers, nothing more.

sometimes i wonder if i‘m just another someone
stepping into another someone’s footprints
a placeholder for a someone you can‘t let go
even though the years have passed
and the people have too

i compare myself to a someone who is worthy
of poetry,
of words so beautiful and soft,
i can‘t fathom you thinking them about another someone,
me

it is not about that, i want to deny
speaking the lie so softly to myself
because i keep wondering if you think about me
the way you think about her
if i‘m worthy of colorful words and shiny metaphors
or if i‘m just another someone
who‘s stepping into another someone’s footprints
if worlds we spun and lives we lived aren‘t enough
compared to the someone who got away

i keep wondering if you think about me
the way you think about her
if i‘ll forever just be someone who isn‘t her,
who‘s just enough,
just isn‘t her

a placeholder

i wonder if one day
a someone will return to you
and i wonder if that day
my passing will leave footprints too

Half of me
has given up
and the other half
hasn’t even started yet
it’s always been like this
myself vs. myself

the battle of two stubborn selves

they take turn
in winning fights
I’m so confused and tired
to root for both
each time

It’s a twisted game.

I play myself.

Everything has gone by so fast
4 years just zipped by
It’s mostly a blur
I can somewhat remember the bad decisions
I can definitely remember the pain
And now everything has slowed down
I’m just barely moving at half mast
My dreams and memories of youth have become my only muse
I wish I could relive it
And regret doing it all at the same time
The speed and thrill
I claim to be past that phase
I claim I would never venture into those pits again
But is that really so?
It must not be
Because the short hand leads me to midnight once again
dragging me into the same old vicous cycle I've come to love
so without the strength to say goodbye, I will fade back into the isolation that has become my only comfort

this is somewhat unfathomable, but, half of me hates him for what he did, half of me still longs for him.

what is this phenomenon, mother nature? why do I still have space for compassions, for him? why do I still see him highly?

was it my blinded eyes or love-polluted mind?

Channel 2

Nightly News

Who even knows anymore?


The clink of dishes


Disarray


Discussions a-bout dynamite


Likely to tear my hair out


It's fair to say I'd scare


my younger self


Wouldn't recognize,


or even know how to reply


to the sight of things


Paranoia creepin' in


Might have to do with,


all that research I been readin'


Either tricks are being played


Or something is amiss
in the way you treat me...