Didn’t always love you
In fact I think I hated you
Tried to erase you with my sick games
Tried to **** you by ignoring your light
But now I see
I feel
your light
your life
is lovely
What a feeling it is
to embrace and accept
I love you now
I accept you now
I see now
You
Are
Beautiful


© 2025 Joan Zaruba. All rights reserved.

Every morning when I wake up,
I tell myself how much I love myself.

I look in the mirror,
and say:
How beautiful!

I listen to myself
when I have a problem.

I prepare a delicious breakfast,
after work,
in the evenings, I train.

I take care of my friendships
and also my nutrition.

I take care of my appearance
and my thoughts.

I caress myself,
I give myself gifts,
and words of encouragement.

"Every gesture I give myself
is a hug to my soul,
and to my inner child.
I take care of myself, I love myself."

Sometimes, I look out at the world
and wish for something more.

Sometimes, I look out at the world
and wish for someone more.

I long for something out there
to make me
the vision of myself that I want to see.

But roads will wind and twist and turn.
There’s no way to go back,

I fear.
No way to change the person I’ve become.

A million regrets,
a million setbacks,
there’s everything that I would change.

I don’t know everything,

I don’t know anything,

all I know is I’m me.

And maybe

that’s all I need.

I think it is a good day
I feel okay, and that’s all
I feel, no sense of greatness
Nor self-hatred, no free-fall.

I look into the mirror
No fear, just looking as I
Realize that I have acne
But it’s me and I feel fine.

Right now, I am just okay
But one day, I will appear
From silk and I will be her
From those words, so far but near.

I wanna be that girl,  
the girl who was loved as a child,  
the girl who'll be remembered,  
the girl who was cared for,  
the girl who was never left alone.  

I wanna be the laughter in the room,  
the warmth in every touch,  
the calm in the storm,  
the one who gave and received love,  
the one whose heart was always held.    

I wanna be that girl,  
the girl who learned to heal,  
the girl who chose to shine,  
the girl who loved herself,  
and left her mark on time.

I’m weird,  
for dreaming in broad daylight,
for speaking in riddles,
and letting my silence speak louder than words.  

I’m weird,
because my thoughts spill out in silence,
hovering on my lips like secrets,
and when I speak,
the world looks away,
as if the truth in my voice
is something they’re not ready to hear.

I’m weird,
for finding beauty in broken things—
the fragments others throw away,
and in the bruises I hide beneath my skin.
They whisper stories,
reminding me of the pieces I hold together in myself,
stories (that) only I seem to understand.

I’m weird,  
because I laugh when I want to cry,  
and cry when no one else does—  
my tears fall for the stars,  
and my heart breaks for the moon.  
I feel too much,  
love too fiercely,  
as if my soul was made  
for a world too fragile to last.

I’m weird,
for I don’t fit in the spaces they give me,  
so I carve my own,  
even if it means standing  
on the edge, alone.

But if weird is what I am,  
then let it be,  
for I’d rather be this beautiful ache,  
this painful bloom of something true,  
than fold myself small enough  
to fit into a world  
that never made room  
and never will.

I’m weird,  
and maybe that’s the best thing I’ll ever be—  
not perfect, not easy to understand,  
but real, raw,  
and unashamed  
of every odd, jagged piece  
that makes me whole.

I'm sorry I made you cry
On all those lonely nights gone by.
I'm sorry you had to fit in
With crowds you didn't want within.

I'm sorry I rejected you,
Lied to you, hated you too.
I'm sorry I let others treat
You like a worthless, downtrodden beat.

I'm sorry I pushed when you were weak:
When eyes were heavy, knees so meek.
I said to live with armor strong,
To not trust people, to just go along.

I thought it best to shield your heart,
So pain and suffering wouldn't start.
But now I see, I've been unkind,
It's time to change, and peace to find.

I'll look into the mirror clear,
And apologize for all the fear.
I'll seek forgiveness from my soul,
To make myself complete and whole.

You’ve loved me through the thick and thin,
Despite the turmoil I put you in.
So now I'll love you, learn to grow,
To live a life that’s free to show.

No longer bound by fear and doubt,
We'll stand apart, we'll shout it out.
This is a reminder –
To love myself, to love you too.

For in the end, it’s plain to see,
The one who matters most is me.