I'm sorry I made you cry
On all those lonely nights gone by.
I'm sorry you had to fit in
With crowds you didn't want within.

I'm sorry I rejected you,
Lied to you, hated you too.
I'm sorry I let others treat
You like a worthless, downtrodden beat.

I'm sorry I pushed when you were weak:
When eyes were heavy, knees so meek.
I said to live with armor strong,
To not trust people, to just go along.

I thought it best to shield your heart,
So pain and suffering wouldn't start.
But now I see, I've been unkind,
It's time to change, and peace to find.

I'll look into the mirror clear,
And apologize for all the fear.
I'll seek forgiveness from my soul,
To make myself complete and whole.

You’ve loved me through the thick and thin,
Despite the turmoil I put you in.
So now I'll love you, learn to grow,
To live a life that’s free to show.

No longer bound by fear and doubt,
We'll stand apart, we'll shout it out.
This is a reminder –
To love myself, to love you too.

For in the end, it’s plain to see,
The one who matters most is me.

Presiding over the corpses that could’ve been, the constant tides of pain roll over your bare toes. Matching the flow of fear that rises and falls as you despair at the sight of the sea that stares through you, to the little boy who wishes for nothing more than the warm embrace of the one that brought him to these cold shores.

It’s not the vastness of the sea of possibilities that you fear but what lies beneath the surface of dreams that bubble forth once you decide to dive in.

Time stands still while the bodies continue to pile at your feet, with every breath you baptise them to a place of purgatory without realising that even in your condemnation, their souls still yearn for what they were unable to attain.

From the seeds of grief that continue to depart from the essence of yourself, comes forth a tree of redemption. In the grooves of its leaves can be read the route to your salvation, if you so wish. As you trace your hand along the smooth bark, pieces fall to your feet ready to be of service and fashioned into a vessel fit for carrying the ever-growing load you choose to burden yourself with.

You know that there is no port that allows the docking of such heavy cargo but you want nothing more than to escape the sight of the shores that have become littered with the dregs of yourself.

So row you will to shores unknown, in hopes of being released from the reflection that exposes you at every glance.

It is not until you have steeled yourself to depart that you realise, before your journey begins, you must cut the chain that still tethers you to the remnants of yourself. For the wood from this tree has not the strength to carry those who are not yet able to let go of what has been lost. Strive to close the eyes that will never see themselves in glory and shift your gaze to horizons anew. And as you do, that ever-growing load halts and with the coming and going of the tide, starts its own journey to the depth where its grave awaits.

Lighter, you hesitate as you enter, unsure of what this journey will bring. As you begin to row, you immediately notice what a task it will be, as you realise it is not just the water you’re working against as you move forward.

You look down through the surface to the darkness below, you can’t help but feel a deep pang of longing for what was, you recognise the crippling weight of what held you but also the comfort that it brought.

The unchanging cares for us and chains us.

But as you return your gaze to the ever-distant horizon, the little boy appears seated in front of you. No longer seeking the embrace of another but himself, he places his hands upon yours as you row so that the weight of what you’re leaving behind is much easier to carry.

I am not merely a mosaic,
But a complex tapestry of shards.
Each fragment tells a unique story,
Woven together with threads of love and scars,
Reflecting the myriad experiences that have shaped me.

Golden glue binds my fractures,
A testament to my relentless fight.
Through unwavering dedication and countless sacrifices,
I rise from shadows into the warm embrace of light,
Where hope ignites and dreams take flight.

In my cracks, my journey shines bright,
A map etched with the struggles I have faced.
Torment intertwines with resilience;
Wisdom emerges from hard-wrought lessons,
Each insight a precious gem in my heart’s treasure chest.

These golden seams narrate my tale with eloquence,
Boundaries drawn with meticulous care and intention.
I refuse to settle for treatment that belittles my worth;
I know I deserve far more than mere existence—
I am worthy of love that uplifts and nurtures my spirit.

I wear my history proudly like armor,
Each mark a badge of grace that speaks to my strength.
I am Kintsugi—a masterpiece in my own right,
An intricate creation forged in adversity’s fires,
Embracing every flaw as a vital part of my narrative.

With each step on this journey of self-discovery,
I stand tall and resolute, declaring to the world:
I deserve the love I freely give to others,
And a world that reflects kindness and compassion in return,
Where every heart shines with its unique beauty.

love and to be loved
hate and to be hated must
exist together

I am
Simply
A
Human being.
And everything I am
Belongs to me.

Being
Imperfect
Being
Jealous
Being
Angry
Being
Healthy
Being
Silent
Being
Thirsty
Being
Dull
Being ...
Being ...
Being ...

A part of the crowd.
I am.
And all of this is enough.
And all of this is plenty.
And all of this makes me
A normal human being.

I compare my loneliness to the sound of a mourning dove.
It starts low and small, then goes up
It repeats the more each call goes unanswered

Perhaps letting it out, alone and loud
over and over
eases the pain, yet also pokes at the caged creature within
encouraging a festering of wounds.

A mourning dove never seems to be where the other birds are
Because when it calls it becomes all I can hear
It guides me far into the fog, ever elusive
until I finally spot it
high above on a line.

Every time it gets a little easier.
Every time it starts to sound less
like a Gymnopédie No. 1
and more like a Claire de Lune
major key as well as minor
content as well as sorrowful.

It's alone, and it's still singing.

if you stay in
your own head

the memories,
faded, might

leave you
in dread.

consuming,
just torturing
yourself

simply feeling
hopeless, and
angry instead.

it's not worth
putting yourself
through this

even if life's
a little complicated.

look with your
eyes, not
all hope is lost.

even in the
darkest places,

the light will
shine bright
when you need
it most.

Katanya, tak baik untuk memendam
Tetapi, tak semua rasa mudah memadam
Katanya, janganlah selalu dipendam
Nyatanya, tak semua cakap bisa meredam

Mereka, bisa menuntut
Tetapi, haruskah hati selalu menurut?
Mereka,  bisa bertindak sebagai penuntut
Tetapi, rasanya.. jiwa tak perlu selalu berlutut

Ada masa.. untuk menarik diri
Untuk bersimpuh, dan memberi diri afeksi
Ada masa... untuk menangis, memendam semua emosi
Untuk menyadari semua hanya proses menjadi asri

Terima kasih, sudah selalu kuat
Berdiri dan menjalani semua walau terasa berat
Terima kasih, sudah selalu kuat
Untuk kamu, yang terhebat..