Dear future self,
     I hope you've found
     the strength to stand
     on solid ground,
     for you are me and i am you
     with colors old and shades anew.
     I hope that you will be, at last,
     from lost to found, from spark to blast.
     Walk with grace and head held high.
     In this letter, my words hold tight.

Sincerely yours with all my might,
     Your lost self reaching through the night.

Ω

What cruel joke by the universe
To allow me to exist:
A broken ****** and a family nurse
Is what began the disappointment list.

And fate tried to correct its mistake
giving this child a horrible infection.
Yet by miracle, and with every birthday cake,
this undue life would continue to go on.

Following close to me is the misfortune
common accidents, broken hearts, and more.
No matter the prayers done to the full moon,
bit by bit these small things, my heart tore.

The voices in my head try to coerce me
To make me finish what life has started
A simple cut and I would be free
Of all the doubts my heart comparted.

And how come every decision feels like the wrong one
Even when it is completely out of your hands
Now happiness and excitement, inside me there is none
As fate will never acknowledge my plans

When I get close to achieving my goals
the heart will panic, it must all be a lie.
And deep inside this voice, sure it grows
"You will never do anything good with your life"

And this sabotage works
And my screams are heard by no one
My cries are dry when needed
My smile can no longer hide the sadness
My mind feels like a prison
And her arms feel like a shelter
Yet I know I can't abuse it
Because I know how much it hurts her
To see me suffering like this

She deserves the best the world can offer
Yet all she got, was good old me.

So I'll continue on my borrowed time
See how far I can still push it
Will I still be a burden to all, or will I rise when I fall?
I don't know.
But I sure wish to see it.

So where is your peace?

Where is your place
where you face-to-face yourself
and greet your peace?

It may be found in solitude
or within stories spread long
with long-standing friends.  

It can be seated in the quiet
or threaded in your deep tread
through the roar of the pier's end.  

So, tell me, where is your peace?
And where did you last know its company?

Black Dahlia tears,
Beckoned beneath the crimson,
Bloodbath gleamed garden.

i once met a caterpillar
she was quite pretty

i remember

she would smile
and sing
and love
and cry
and mourn
and fear
and hide

outstanding, i thought
now, even baffled
watching her
cocoon

silk is costly
and she lacked
expenses

but she
continued

and continued
and continued
and continued

until

the
cocoon
stopped

it was rare
but the caterpillar could feel
a metamorphosis
approaching

so she closed all the blinds
tacked curtains’ edges
settled in her corner
swallowed by her covers
relished in the darkness

and got on her laptop

on this edge I hear different
things with different ears
the rain in close deserts
the emptiness of hours rolling into
something larger than themselves
your self, my self, their selves trapped nebulae
inside the knife of time carving wise bodies
when the flood of blood gets disconnected from the heart
bodies full of tears recycle the vaults of thought
I am no other than myself frozen in a primordial space,
a shelter for the pain of those I love

What man under modernity, is free?
Comparative to the peasantry preceding
We must seem to be
Shackled to a strange form
Of self-induced slavery

this animal is my self
it demands care, quietness, aliveness
infused as it is with primordial light and dread
sometimes I am only ears and eyes and fingers
and legs and *** and spine, a stomach, a liver and
a heart, sweat, tension and craving, a felt unity
vital stories to be told in the forgotten language
of hope and despair, longing and refusal
there is earth in my hands, air in my eyes, fire
in my stomach, water in my skin
untranslatable whispers about you, the other-me
I am a thirsty boundary for the river of life to dream
sighs symbols rythms harmonies and virtues

How do I show my beauty?

By just being me.
By embracing the things I love in life.
By feeding into my energy.
By diving into my creativity.
By leaning into my curiosities.
By embracing change and striving for improvement.
By showing empathy.
By digging into my strength and endurance.
By practicing mindfulness.
By harnessing my focus.
By utilizing patience and compassion.
By feeling strong emotions.
By loving my nature.
By moving with passion and resting in good reason.
By needing nothing else outside of these.

These are the beautiful things that come from within me.

All that’s needed of me
is to dig within myself,
to dive headfirst
and fully submerge into the water
and pulling out these attributes-
these facets of beauty,
reflecting the sunshine
like the scales of a fish,
the cuts in an emerald,
the ultraviolet color in flowers and birds.