You throw a stone at me thinking it's a pebble.
And I keep it in my backpack with the others.
Chocking air out of my lungs.
Kicking me in the gut.
Feelings don't look glittery enough?
Wait, I'll pour some blood on them for you.
Yet you walk with an umbrella under the sun.
No one can touch you.
Not even the sand,
Because I walk beneath you in your head.
And when I get angry
You begin talking about how I was a mad mat,
How I didn't walk in a straight line with stones
Or took deeper breaths because of my broken bones.
I take another deep one and I let it be.
You were the longest I had ever known someone to be.
And then came a pebble, when I expected neutrality.
And came in the stone when I wanted peace.
Separation is what I want.
Separation from your noise, from your grey area.

Out here in the cold,
I sink my feet into the water.
Though my throat is sore,
But does it even matter?
I dove into the future,
I dove into his name,
Has he that power on me?
I cry in shame. 
The flow takes me over,
The deepness too.
Passing through new horizons,
Who knew, I could be like him too.
In the potions of gratitude for him,
I could always invest.
But with that growing feeling,
Would I be there to tell you the rest?
Will that strength engulf me?
Or will it let me be?
Will his story guide me?
Or will I be like the nook to his knee?
My questions confuse me,
He left giving no answers.
My thoughts strike me,
Like sun in the darkest hours.
Does this make sense to you?
Because he never did to me.
The shattered glass of the vase I broke,
Still lies on the ground right next to me.
Thoughts provoking.
Eyes deceiving.
What could I do more to come out of this state?
The bottle doesn't seem to help me 
In keeping that memory distant and safe.
My decision is made, the mind is clear.
No tick or tock is going to make me wait.
The intention is set and I am going in debt,
Of all the people trying to make me feel so great.
For a natural disaster and a natural remedy are naturally destined to occur,
And now, the time is right with the bait high up.
And I am certain I will reach.
Just one more step and I am there,
Going down but staying up to preach.
-Dakshiani Bhan

i don’t trust you with myself ..
anymore ,

unfurled -
the ocean laps at my feet
as you wish to
gaze upon girls ...
—
all
perfect flowers .
                            .

you say that you understand , and
that you hate it when i do that.
.
but i think you’re drowning ,
and i guess ,
this means you don’t want saving ...

do you think —
you’ll still love me ,
even if i make
your face bleed all blue?

you tell me that i’m wrong,
in a way that should make me feel
stupid.

i feel angry instead.

"Why are you back?" She asked

"I found my way back to you. This time, I'll stay. I promise" he pleaded

"Have you forgotten how broken I am when you left?
You took away the universe from me.
You walk away easily that night
for me to believe that you couldn't
swim deep into my waters and chaos.
You leave easily for me to
believe if it is really love we've shared.
And what would I tell myself
if I took you back after the struggles I've been to?
You found your way back to me
But I already found my way away from you.
This time, I'll save myself from breaking"
She said.

Who’s going to save me
When I’m saving everyone else?
Who’s going to save me
When I cry myself to sleep at night?
Who’s going to save me
When I have a blade to my wrist?
Who’s going to save me
When the voices are screaming in my head?
The answer is nobody
While I’m out saving others,
Nobody is helping me.
I’m drowning
In the dark thoughts
Full of despair and darkness.
And with no one to help me,
I might as well succumb
To Death's sweet song.

The rope I'm gripping tightly have
taut fibers twined around each other.
I wove them that way, meticulously.
One string after another, its form gathers,
and I'm proud of my craft.

I've used it to save myself and others,
pulling and tying knots, anchoring.
A tightrope to dance on over and over,
Tugging, stretched, fighting, breaking,
but my rope's getting slippery.

I've used it so much it's hard to hold on.
It's overused and now
everything's
going
wrong.

Only a matter of time before I can cut it
without effort,
just one scissor,
and it's no more.

I'll tie it back together but I can only try so hard.
It's wearing down, going gone.
It withers and soon I'll have none.
Nothing to save me, or them
if I start abusing it again.