You were supposed to love me
more than anything
you were supposed to see
how much I'm breaking
But instead, you caused me pain
and now the wounds show up again
I was never mad...
i was only in pain

All i wanted was  love,
To love and to be loved by someone,
To hold you´re hand,
To feel secured,
But I have these questions,
They are laid in my mind,
They lay on my mind,
These questions.

I know i´ve been struggling with love
And I know that I ́m aching due to love,
I don ́t know why im in pain, i´m with questions
Why am I feeling this pain and having these questions

It is so unfair,
That I´m left with this pain
After hope for a gain,
A new life ahead,
A new breeze in the air,
A cushion to spare,
But I´m left in despair.
Left with all of these questions.

Now that I feel I cannot take you´re hand,
My heart has failed, there´s nothing ahead.
I opened for once and left the door wide open,
I opened for you, but you slightly shut the door.
And I am left with all these questions.

My dear heart wants to love so badly,
But all of these new signals are so scary,
Screaming for endless love,
The one you could never have enough.

Today was a bad day 
I’m seeing stars 
lingering in the hangover of sobbing 
drowning in my own tears 
I got lost inside my head again 
dragged to the bottom of the sea again 
pulled by the anchors attached to my legs 
I feel a pain that’s all too familiar 
like a next door neighbor
that won’t leave me alone 
I’m still paying for the mistakes 
made by my former self 
Shaken that I haven’t changed 
as much as I thought 
I see the devil lurking in the shadows 
waiting to escort me back to hell 
I’m trying to swim up 
I’m trying to kick and paddle
but I feel paralyzed 
crippled by self enmity 

But I don’t need to drown again 
I won’t 
I know how to survive this 
Even if I can’t swim right now 
I know what can lift me up 
I have floating devices 
I can paint waves 
collect shells 
listen to the hymns of the seagulls 
or watch the sunset on the horizon 
I can’t swim 
But it’s okay 
to wear a life jacket for now 
I deserve to float 
I deserve peace 
and so do you 

- Self-care

The light from the end of eternity
Comes in through the window glass
Sits on the sill with the red Anthurium
In the stenciled orange Waterford vase
Centuries.down.and.Decades.done.
From the grassy light of the Lyceum.

If the sun were to choose where to die,
It would falter over Pompeii,
And lie like a broken godhead
Or lava poured into the pottery cups of
The open-skied houses.

You who have lifted up your sunburned face,
Long-told of peasant warmth and the forest tableaux.
Barefoot, you brought the book of hours upon dusty roads,
Ungoverned, little flower from Jeanne to Lourdes to Lisieux.
Our Lady, osculum pacis, the kiss of peace in wood and stone.

Burned out to those dusty eyes,
Now-empty look of rosework from the forest-fall of sunlight.
Medieval prayer, earthly-dim to its rafters of oak,
Come un-cinctured in ashen cloud of amice and alb,
And the murine blackness of plague-like smoke.

Birds that sit blinking at the winged fossil of intrados,
Pipe air through your own ribbed vaults, organum pulse.
Let the city rise in your vining voices—and hold the note.
The great ***** intones from the runs and pedal stops,
Along the turbid streets of the rue de la Cité to the empire of catacombs.

Beside his candle, the monk in sadness knows
All loveliness of heaven except his own.
Our Lady, every sunset is your faded candle hour of peace, for us to know.
Holy Father, so passes worldly glory,
Over the roofs of Paris like fire-scorned and leaden wings.

I just want to feel wanted,
I want to be happy.
I want to love someone
and to actually feel loved back.
I want to feel appreciated.
And I want someone to look at me,
seeing not my past,
but seeing my heart
and the love I have to give.

I just want someone to tell me
that one day
it will all be ok!