the first time I ran,
mother says,
was because I didn't
want to be held on to,

so I broke all grasps
and fled as children
do and not remember
afterwards,

why

the last time I ran
was yesterday,
cajoling myself
to alarm beeps,

like a break in habit,
slow, tired and then
in rhythm, but not like
a first time, or a last,

tedium

did joy
pass by?
the running gods
didn't reply.

I have a flighty heart and a feisty mouth;
Fall in love too often and fall apart too fast.

running shoes, gym shorts,
98 degree midday --
I'm an idiot.

Thoughts glanced off me,
lying like stones in the sand
I ran
quick mind over quickened feet
hands ripped open by bushes;
rich thickets that sprung
from the very land
that my own soles scorched.

I chased skies
chased words away from mind
and wept imprisonment from inside,
howling at the chains that kept me bolted to the ground

I threw both time and space at my feet,
like the clothes of a slave.
As my legs lurched for length,
I swept eerie visions of my past away
like wind across my skin.

My toes pounded land;
my eyes searching the horizon
bleeding ears catching the groans
of the earth that my hands clawed at.

A ravenous beast;
my feet sought still to devour the world
as it lay sleeping like a lamb
woken only by the lush rip of my teeth
stopping its temperate pulse.

My lungs gasped the air that my sweat left humid,
no more was I condemned to life
my empty chains
cracked off
by pulsating limbs.
My insatiable teeth
gnawing at the very land itself
no longer was I able to sit amongst the trees;
or gaze up at the stars
I was not content to watch the world,
but eat it;
taste the bitter earth
and force it down dried gullet
drinking in the seas
to quench my geographical thirst.

And still
my wide eyes searched for their next slaughter
the next nation
to ****** the life from.

I want to run away from me
To a magical land, somewhere safe.
Away from all the pain I cause
from the tears I force and the veins I...

I want to run away from here
from the thoughts I have that make me shake
and the fear that comes to take me deeper
into a hole I cannot feel the bottom of
but I lay in all the same.

Just let me run away from home
or rather,
let me run away from me.

But away from home first of all
so the wreckage is nothing I can see.
I cannot see the friends I leave
or tears I surely cause.
You see,
I know it's all my fault,
but I'll let them know
when I run
away from me.

months ago i left my home
because it was a tragedy.
the place where i never felt alone
starts to feel so crowded and heavy.

so i wrote my lines into your palm
and you took me everywhere you go.
walking to the middle of east & north,
unsure of where we would end up but we knew we currently stand
and that what truly matters, right?

there were times when i would miss my childhood bed
but you offered me your chest
and suddenly i refused to lay down somewhere other than you.
there were times when i would miss
them and their memories
but you make each moment of my past before you
unworthy of reminiscing for the lack of euphoria they hold.
and there would nights where i would miss being okay
because we are constantly moving
city to city in a world where i don't wanna stand in
but you, for just being you, make me glad to be alive.

and the stars hide at night
for they would always be set aside
because i will always favor your eyes.

but there were also nights
where you'd forget to hide the cracks of your sin.
and the light that escapes your broken lines
shines through the dark night, keeping me away from sleep.
there goes your light
shining from your interior
it was so bright as can be,
it blinded me from reality.
you were a hypnotic drug
that commands my feet to follow
you wherever you go.
i gave you my nights & rhymes
and all you gave me is toxic fumes.

you had me the moment your secondhand smoke entered my body
and you marked me the moment your
toxic-laced smoke clouded my air.

your heart and my heart
are now located at the ends of a line.
like intersecting lines,
we were once perfect at one point
but for some reason,
we had drifted from each other.
all i could stare it is the starry night
but i don't like stars,
i don't know where we are
and i don't know where to go
though, i'm glad as hell i wasn't where i used to be.
there are nights where you'll suddenly throw rocks at my window.
the moment you'll lay your head on my shoulders,
it will always feel like home.
you were home
and just like my previous one,
you are a tragedy.