i miss vicodin
the warm hug it gave my organs
the way it would make my brain unravel
it almost gave the ability to make any surface plush

i lost myself in the waves of emotions
they knocked me to the sand at my knees
my lungs filled with bitter salt
i crawl to a *******
to be met by a an undertow
pulling me under the water
scraping my skin on the rocks on the bottom
salt stings my cuts
the undertow pushes me back up on the beach front
the sun is warm
the breeze is subtle

people have no compassion
no acceptance
no patience
people would rather get something new
than fix what's broken
often times
it's themselves who are

it feels degrading to keep reaching out
to only get silence in return
how am i supposed to convince you that my love is authentic
that my love runs deep enough to work through anything?
you know where i stand but you won't hear me out
the ball in your court
you seemed to take a knife to

i trace my fingers around it's jagged edge
it dips
recessed in it's nuzzled home
taught and ridgid
i stroke the sides
the hole you left in me

i had to carry the pain alone
so im fine with you carrying the guilt

why is it that
time heals you
but distance also makes the heart grow fonder?
things simply cannot be both