Friends to lovers.
Lovers to nothing.

I remember the days you craved hearing my voice on your line.
Obsessed doesn't seem strong enough.
I would answer every time.
Completely gone over you.

But my voice was not enough,
Wasn't long before you needed my time.
My lips, my body, my touch.
I would give it every time.

I'm empty now, I gave it all to you.
Funny, now you don't want it.
Give it back, I need it for someone new.
She deserves this energy, that care.

She needs it, I see it in her stare.

How beautiful a smile can be
Why ever did you choose me?
A vast ocean of better men, yet you chose me, the sea

The sea barely clear, yet all you hear
Is a symphony that brings you to tears
One you go to, with all doubts and fears, one that you call home, one you call “Here”

You call yourself a cloud yet you shine over me
Even in bad weather you gleam
How  could someone be so self conscious, when they are the reason I am a being

Even now, barely a being
I become by seeing you
Gibberish to you now yes, but to the future, I couldn't be ever so closer

One day I'll call out your name
And you’ll turn around in tears
I’d have learnt to walk, you’d never be the same
Every fear you have now must feel pathetic in the future


How free you must feel, when you look into my eyes
How clear you head must be when you look into the skies and think of me

I stare at the wall, the mustard dye,
Think myself in a room
Where all I can do is try.
To escape the fear, the pain the cries
How do I tell my past self
That it was all a lie.

In my dreams comes she,
She ,who was free
She ,who was kind
She, who loved the world
More than her life.

Her touch was gentle
As she brushed my hair
Saying it's fine
Even if it's not fair.

She seemed she wanted to whisper
It was never a lie
She never watched the world with rose coloured eyes
It was me who never understood the price
Of the people who cared who held me high.
Even if they are not here it doesn't matter
What they gave us will never be a lie.

I’ll always remember the warm breaths of sunlight,
Dripping like honey over
Your mother’s dying plants in glass bottles on the windowsill
Of the kitchen where you wrapped your arms around my waist
My hand holding a silicone spatula, navigating
An egg on a pan. Sizzling, each hiss a whisper into
The room, telling us to hold on tighter to this moment.

I really don’t like eggs, I reasoned with you

You tell me these are perfect, that you
Make them just right. i wonder if you remember
Teaching me to cook them just over medium
The whites are cooked and the centre’s still soft
How do you flip an egg quick enough that it
Won't slip, but slow enough that the yolk won’t break.

How do you end a soul tie quick enough that
One of us won’t die, but slow enough that it won’t haunt me

It haunts me.

And i still make my eggs the same way,
no sunlight
Freckling our skin because i stand here alone
I still feel the phantoms of your hands on me, the scraping
Screeching noise of a metal spatula
The ghost of your cologne on my collar.
But I get it just right too. I can do it without you, and it’s better
I tell myself
But i know it’s not the same.

I wonder one day
When i meet someone who gets me just right
Who is better for me than you were
Will I make his eggs over medium? Or will my eyes dart
And fingers twitch
Searching for the best way to
Run away quick enough that
I won’t watch him cry, but slow enough that
He won’t haunt me

The same way you do.

this obsession creeping into my veins
your ghost screams so loud sometimes
never forget

it's been a year
you've festered and grown
knawing away at my resolve

the one that got away,
the warmth you bring to my broken soul
a comfort i'd wish would leave like you

I want you to see this
There's a façade kind of bliss
That in my mind's eye
It sure felt like heaven's kiss.

You want me to see this
Play a part in your petty dreams
Let myself get lost in this shame abyss
Be seduced by your trysts.

If you wanted me to see this
How come we were a miss
And how come your new love's still
An old reminisce
Of memories and an angry's cat
Hiss?

I wanted you to see this
Maybe in the end
We were simply meant
To be each other's deadly miss.